Monday, December 29, 2008

Things Are Happening

photo by Mahalie

The first trimester having officially passed us by last Friday, things in the belly region finally feel like they're beginning to change. While my jeans still zip just fine (though they are low-rise), I can feel that my lower abdomen is getting rounder, as well as being a different...texture than it was before. While an expanding waistline in the nonpregnant state is usually associated with an increased squishiness around the middle, my lower belly now has the firm, "bouncy" quality I'm so familiar with from touching hundreds of pregnant bellies in the course of my job. When I lie on my stomach, it sort of feels like I've got a cantaloupe in there. Another sign that my passenger is getting bigger: the baby's heartbeat is much easier to hear with a doppler now than it was even just a week or two ago. And while I've noticed round ligament pain for a couple of weeks when I laugh or sneeze, now it's often there if I change positions quickly or wake up with a really full bladder. However--I've gone from having to urinate almost every hour back down to a much more normal frequency, and my appetite seems to be back in full force (though I'm planning to stay on the B6 and Unisom for at least another week). I do, however, continue to crave long naps and an early bedtime...in more ways than one: while several articles reassure me that my libido "should be returning" around the time of the second trimester, I think my (fatigued) husband and I would both agree that in order to be "returning," it would have had to leave!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Taking This Show on the Road

We spent 18 hours in the car yesterday, during which I actually felt exceptionally good. So good, in fact, I thought I'd repeat my previous ill-fated experiment to get off of my anti-nausea cocktail. I was feeling on top of the world, keeping my food down, craving large amounts of beef, and urinating in a moving car with the assistance of a funnel and a jar (though surprisingly, the time of having to pee every 15 minutes seems to be passing...I only went three times during the whole trip!). By about midnight, though, I was starting to feel exhausted and queasy, and upon arriving at my parents' house around 1am, the first thing I did was to have the worst dry heaves I've ever had (though I will say, in an exceptionally clean toilet--thanks, Mom!). So--11 weeks and counting, but not out of the woods yet.

Monday, December 15, 2008

The Field That Rests

photo by i,max

I did throw up once this weekend, but have otherwise mostly held the nausea and vomiting in check. The sleepiness? Another matter entirely! Nine hours a night plus about two hours in naps seems to be what feels good to me these days...some days I'm able to swing that, others, well, life gets in the way. One the other hand, I came across this quote today:

“Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.”
~ Ovid

and I think it's very applicable here. I try to keep in mind that I have one chance to grow this baby the best that I can, and nobody else can do it for me. I'm very fortunate to have a husband that feels the same way, which means he's willing to do pretty much everything else for me! Rather than relying on doctors and anxiously getting a bunch of expensive tests to try to insure a healthy pregnancy and baby, I'd rather rely on giving my body what it tells me it needs.

Even if that's an absurd amount of sleep (and orange juice).

Friday, December 12, 2008

10 Weeks: Picture Perfect


When I first found the above graphic, I was about six weeks along (stage 17) and somewhat disheartened to learn that our baby looked like a snail with flippers. I forgot about the picture for a couple of weeks, but reopened it today (the day our baby is 10 weeks gestation, or 8 weeks of development, depending on how you're counting) and was excited to discover that we are at stage 23, a distinctly humanoid-appearing stage, which is a fun thought to entertain. Incidentally, I am also officially one-quarter of the way to my due date. Wild!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Barfing, by the Numbers

Just for fun:

Times I've thrown up: 3
Ratio of public to private-residence vomiting: 2:1
Approximate frequency with which I vomit: Once every 5.33 days
Percentage of time Matt has been there to witness it/hold my hair back: 100%
Times I've vomited while actually taking B6 and Unisom: 0

Once again, I'm concluding that B6 and Unisom is a real winner for pregnancy sickness.

Not So Fast...

Last night, I realized after I'd gotten in bed that I'd forgotten to take my evening cocktail--Unisom, B6, and Zantac. Too tired to get up, and somewhat curious whether I'm yet past needing it, I decided to hold off and see what happened.

What happened? What happened was that I was pulling out of the apartment complex to take Matt to work and had to promptly pull back in and throw up all over the parking lot.

So, yes, I am apparently still getting A LOT of good out of those medications, and I'll be continuing to take them for a little while yet.

Monday, December 8, 2008

From the Heart


Photo by aussiegall

We heard our baby's heartbeat today! It's still pretty early, but with some patient effort, we were able to get it with a doppler for a minute or so. Crazy--there's really someone in there!

The Two Things I Can't Get Enough Of

Sleep and orange juice.

Neither habit is dangerous and both are actually relatively good for me, but if I were to indulge them to the full extent of their intensity, I would get absolutely nothing done because of the former and I would quickly run out of money due to the latter. Especially since nothing but not-from-concentrate will do.

As it is, I'm sleeping probably 8-10 hours in most 24-hour periods (though it could be more, so much more!), and drinking two to three large glasses of orange juice (again, this is with some powerful self-limiting).

Part of my need for sleep seems driven by the fact that the whole time I'm sleeping, I'm having dreams of vivid, colorful intensity--even when I'm dozing or just drifting off, times I wouldn't normally be dreaming. They're not particularly stranger than they were before, but I remember them vividly and they're packed with so much detail. A sampling from last night:

-I dreamed that Matt and I were moving into a chicken coop, but we could only have the first level because upstairs was a recycling plant. We were sleeping on bunk beds and we also had a roommate, who was probably 19 or 20 but was "older" than us--so we must have been kids/ younger teenagers? My dad had apparently found us the place and he told us "I don't want to hear any complaints, I called around all day to find a place that came with a free French horn and mute." It was painted purple but they had obviously boarded up the original entrance and made a new entrance because the paint and the ramp (you know, that the chickens walk up!) didn't quite match. I was concerned about this but my dad told me "The only reason the FDA cares about that is for reasons having to do with Salmonella, and if you aren't really keeping chickens in there, it doesn't matter." I remember that I had the top bunk, and just like when I was at camp, as soon as I had expended the effort to get up there, I thought of all kinds of things (a drink, a sweatshirt, a visit to the bathroom) I should have taken care of before I got up there.

-I dreamed that my sister and I were going to the mall for some event that involved dancing and a lot of samples of spaghetti (mmm, spaghetti!). My dad was sure that we wouldn't make it back out by when we were supposed to, so he took his shoes off and crawled through the heating ducts to try to find us, even though we'd already arranged for a ride with our mom. We ended up leaving the mall (I think it was Westdale Mall in Cedar Rapids) through one of the empty stores that they'd converted into hotel rooms for the Backstreet Boys. We ran into our dad on the way out, who was very pleased with himself, but stopping to talk to him caused us to miss the ride with our mom

-I dreamed I was having an oboe lesson with my old oboe professor, who sadly committed suicide last month. It was in his front yard, and at first we just played duets and had a normal lesson, but then I couldn't hold back anymore and I said, "I really wish you hadn't done what you did." He sort of sighed and said, "I know." I said "If you had to give a reason why you did it, what would it be?" He looked at me for a long time, and he looked sort of old and sad but at the same time sort of resigned and peaceful, and said "I guess sometimes I just wasn't sure who I wanted to be anymore." There was so much more I wanted to ask him--and tell him; he never knew that I was pregnant, as far as I know--but then I woke up.

I guess that will have to do for now.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

If It's Not One Thing...

...it's another. First of all, I've been reluctant to say this so far, but after 3 pretty nausea-free days, I'm cautiously optimistic that the B6/Unisom/Zantac combination is working. I've been eating pretty regular amounts at regular intervals, and while I'm still occasionally gaggy, I haven't thrown up either, and the crippling, stuck-on-the-couch-in-misery nausea seems to be a thing of the past. I hope.

However, The Tired has kicked in full force. It's not so much when I'm going about my business, like at work or doing something active at home, but if I slow/sit down for as much as a minute I'm overtaken by this delicious weariness that says seductively how nice it would be just to lie my head down, just for a minute, and the next thing I know I've slept away the evening (or, in today's case, an entire 7-hour day). In my defense, I am just coming off of working nights, and I am using an OTC sleep aid as a nausea remedy (but, I'm using that at night, which is when I seem to have MORE trouble sleeping, so honestly I'm not inclined to blame that), and there IS a nasty cold/flu bug going around at work (which I've found myself much less likely to pick up if I listen to my body's demands for extra sleep). So I'm not really complaining--and, as I said, it's a sleepiness that just feels so good to give into--but merely noting that it's here.

And I will take it over feeling pukish ANY day.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Now With Unisom!

After spending most of today feeling just wretched, I decided it's time to add the Unisom to my battling-morning-sickness regimen. So we headed out to CVS and were able to pick up a 32-count of generic doxylamine succinate for $8.99. Apparently there's also a version that's made with diphenhydramine (Benadryl), but the doxylamine is what you want for morning sickness.

Feeling desperate, I went ahead and took one with dinner, along with a B6, figuring that if it made me sleepy, I still had several hours to sleep it off before going in to work at 11.

I don't know if it was a coincidence or not, but within about an hour, I had a pretty solid craving for some macaroni and cheese. Luckily, we'd bought some while we were at Aldi's this week--along with an embarrassing number of other convenience foods. What can I say--desperate times call for desperate measures, and the only things that sound good to me lately are things that don't require much cooking, even if somebody else is doing the cooking. Which is why, for probably the first time in our marriage, our cart contained things like mac n cheese, Spaghettios (!!), and chicken pot pies. And...White Cheddar Cheez-Its. So anyway, we whipped up the mac (topped with homemade hot sauce!) and so far I'm feeling really good, by far the best I've felt all day. Maybe even all week.

I'm consoling myself with the thought that my prepregancy diet, as well as my diet up until about 7 weeks when I started to feel so sick, was notoriously low in processed foods, and that I'm committed to returning to such a diet once my sickness resolves (which I'm hoping will be within the month). I'll have a good number of months to be concerned about food choices, but for right now, my main worry is just getting food in and keeping it in, period. And if it takes an OTC decongestant and a few processed foods to get me there, I'm just going to stay flexible about it.

So Far, So...Blah.

Vitamin B6 and antacid notwithstanding, it seems like I still have some pretty crappy-feeling days, generally interspersed with a good day in between (though I will say I feel like my heartburn has nearly resolved). Yesterday was great--we went to a dinner party and I ate pretty much like a normal person. Today? I woke up, threw up, and it's been downhill ever since.

I guess there's hope for tomorrow...

Or at least for the second trimester.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Let's Work On This

Tired of feeling like crap all the time, I've decided to get more assertive than ginger and small meals for my all-day sickness. The next two steps in my arsenal? Vitamin B6 and an antacid.

Thinking back, I remember that we prescribed Vitamin B6 and a drug called Unisom back at Iowa for morning sickness all the time, and I was interested to read this article and this one, which quote the head of OB-GYN at UI in recommending it. The dosage the doctor recommends is 75 mg of Vitamin B6 a day, split into three doses. I was able to get 50, 50-mg tablets for $2.99 at Whole Foods (meaning you could probably get more for less just about anywhere else, but that's where we were), so if I split those tablets I should be able to get over a month's worth of dosages out of it--and by that time, I should be almost 12 weeks, and hopefully feeling better.
Apparently, the effectiveness of the B6 is increased by adding the over-the-counter sleep medication called Unisom (which is an antihistamine, much like Benadryl). The combination used to be available in an over-the-counter morning sickness aid called Bendectine, which faced some lawsuits alleging it caused birth defects. According to doctors at UI and Johns Hopkins quoted in the article above, the lawsuits were overturned, and the drug's ingredients are considered safe to be taken together in early pregnancy, though Bendectine is no longer available as such.

At this point, I think I'm going to start with Vitamin B6 and an antacid, and go from there. I'm not opposed to adding the Unisom if my symptoms don't get better, but when it comes to medications--even over-the-counter ones, especially during pregnancy--I like to start low and slow. As for the antacid--a big part of my symptoms involves heartburn, apparently due to the relaxing effects of the hormone progesterone on my esophageal sphincter. I've suffered with heartburn and various gastritises throughout my life as well, including being diagnosed with a weak esophageal sphincter back in my teens, so I'm not at all surprised that it's resurging right now. I've also been on a variety of courses of daily acid-suppressing medications, including Zantac as a teenager and most recently, Aciphex just before we got married last summer. Based on my past experience, it seems like acid production might again be at the core of my stomach problems--they get progressively worse during the day, I get very nauseated by nighttime, and then I wake up in the morning not at all nauseous, but with a lingering achy soreness in my stomach, probably a result of being exposed to so much acid throughout the day and the night.

So what to do? I could pop Tums like crazy, like a lot of pregnant women do, but I feel like that really more treats the symptoms (neutralizing the acid once the problem develops) rather than the problem (shutting off some of the acid production at the source), and since they're calcium-based, can also lead in extreme cases to an electrolyte imbalance. Since I've had really good luck treating my past stomach problems with acid inhibitors, I think I'm going to give that a try. Ranitidine (Zantac) is the one I have on hand right now, and so I'm going to start with that once or twice a day.

There aren't a ton of studies on acid-suppressing drugs during pregnancy, but there are a few, and they appear to be very safe. As I've said before, I think every pregnant woman needs to educate herself about the choices facing her, and make ones she feels she can live with. These are mine.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

So That's What That Taste Means

In a fun, ironic twist, not 15 minutes after I wrote the last post, I was complaining of the metallic taste in my mouth and one of Matt's coworkers, who has had two children, said "Oh, I remember that! It always happened right before I would throw up." I demurred, saying that I didn't actually vomit with my "morning" sickness, just felt terribly nauseous. I did ask Matt if we could walk out to the drugstore and get some gum, though, since the taste was getting really sickening even though I'd just brushed my teeth.

We were no sooner on the hotel steps than that familiar, hot-flash, saliva-running-like-a-faucet feeling hit me. I looked around desperately and managed to spot a garbage can across the street. Tearing off my scarf as we walked, I got there just in time to launch an amazing technicolor performance into the trash. A real kaleidescope yawn extraordinaire--I don't know where it all came from. It just kept coming.

Thankfully, I felt better after I did it, but this does represent a whole new low, on several different levels. And that metallic taste? I won't be taking it lightly in the future.

Monday, November 24, 2008

...No, It Can't.

I'm still feeling pretty nauseated, although with the interesting twist that it's now become a sort of inverse morning sickness--one in which I feel fine when I get up, do fairly well at breakfast, eat OK at lunch and then descend into a spiral of nausea that culminates in lying in bed in the fetal position at night, wishing for a swift deliverance.

Another interesting symptom I'm having is an odd, sort of metallic taste in my mouth which apparently isn't uncommon.

And heavy, tender breasts are pretty much a given, but I'm perplexed to note that the advice on the subject seems to be focused on increasing your time spent in a bra--wear a snug bra, wear it longer (like overnight??), wear it more of the time. I've noticed that the only relief I get is at the end of the day, when I take my bra off--so just on a whim, I tried wearing a sweater with nothing but a camisole under it today, and lo and behold, I find myself nearly symptom-free on that front. Which makes intuitive sense to me, even if it does fly in the face of all the advice I can find.

So in other words--I'm hanging in there, but excited for the days ahead when I've got more to show for my gestating than a sour stomach and a pitiful appetite.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Can it be?

I've actually had two relatively nausea-free days in a row! Yesterday was sort of odd in that we got up around 4am and were at the airport by about 5, and just as I was getting out of the cab, I was hit hard--not with nausea, but just the overwhelming bodily urge to throw up. The hard swallowing, the rapid salivation, the hot flashes, the whole nine yards. I kept frantically looking around for a place to do it and finding none suitable. I must have swallowed a gallon of saliva while looking around in a panic. By the time I found a bathroom, though, the urge had passed. And again--this wasn't the intense queasiness I've been feeling for the past week, it was just an urge, like that of a sneeze, to throw up. I didn't, but I came the absolute closest I have yet. But honestly--I'll take a quick and dirty vomiting session over just feeling like I'm going to, all day, day after day.

Other than that, I feel good! I know a lot of women complain of first-trimester tiredness, but I feel more or less like my old self, who has always worked hard, played hard, and slept hard.

And while I'm not showing or anything, and I've only gained 1.5 pounds, I realized while getting dressed for a reception last night that my body nonetheless doesn't have quite the same relationship to a certain fitted pair of black dress pants anymore. So things are definitely shifting, if not visibly yet.

All in all, it's great to be feeling better, and I'm crossing my fingers that it's going to stick. We continue to be very excited about the baby and becoming parents together, and I've thought to myself so many times that I don't know how women do this who don't have a loving, patient, sympathetic partner to pick up the slack when they feel like lying around with their head in the toilet all day. But I do, and I'm so grateful. Thank you, Matt: you're a wonderful husband and you'll be an incredible father.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

From There to Here

All day yesterday, I just felt like total and utter dog crap. I was horribly nauseated, my sinuses were stuffed up, I had a bad tension headache, and my body ached all over. After work, I came home with chills and the shakes (though surprisingly, no fever) and fell asleep right after dinner. I felt terrible. I felt like I had the plague.

Then, I woke up this morning and felt FABULOUS. Full of energy, no longer nauseous, body aches gone. That continued all day. I didn't have a ton of appetite for breakfast (of course, at 6am, who does?) but I downed a glass of juice (can I just say that there are no words to say how much I LOVE ORANGE JUICE these days? --though only not from concentrate) and one of milk with no problem. Then at work, I got starving hungry at around 9:50 and bolted down to the cafeteria in a panic before it closed at 10. There was one lonely sausage and egg muffin sitting underneath the heat lamps, just calling my name. The guy in front of me was in the process of asking, "Well, how old is it?" The cafeteria worker shrugged and said "I don't know, it's just kind of dried up and not...fresh." I butted him aside and said "Well, do you want it or not?" He gave me sort of a disgusted look and said "Uh, no." I snatched it up and bought it--with a huge thing of orange juice.

Heaven.

And I've felt awesome all day, despite running my butt off at work for nine hours.

It's given me an appreciation for just how good I actually feel most of the time. Sometimes I look at all that Matt and I do in the name of health, the chemicals we shun and the crazy way we do things, and I wonder if it makes a difference. Now, I'm fairly convinced it does. It took being knocked on my butt for a day to realize that honestly, most of the time I am fairly bursting with energy, and that's something I'm very grateful for.

Now, it remains to be seen whether this is the beginning of an upswing, or just a fluke...

Sunday, November 16, 2008

The Nausea Has Landed

I've now progressed from an "odd feeling" to full-on nausea and gagging (though thank goodness, not vomiting) for several hours of every day. Here are some things that have made me gag in the past few days:

-Holding a warm urine specimen at work
-Catching Scratches chewing on a piece of pork fat we'd left out in the kitchen
-Hearing Matt talk about cutting up a deer
-Opening the fridge and seeing...all that...food
-Just talking about some of the more off-putting smells that come up at work

I haven't actually been to work since the nausea has really taken off, so it will be really interesting to see how that goes. We made up a batch of homemade ginger beer and sipping that seems to help somewhat (unless I get a piece of ginger stuck on my tongue, and then all bets are off), but mostly I just have to wait for it to pass. Ick.

One of my other pressing symptoms is a terrible indecision. I'm usually pretty opinionated, and fairly intuitive about my decisions. Not now. Just the decision of something really basic like "What should we do first--this or this?" is enough to make me feel panicked and helpless. Which would be fine, if only my life or my job or, you know, impending parenthood didn't require any kind of decisionmaking.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Then What Is It?

It's kind of like fatigue, but not quite...
Kind of like dizzy, but not exactly...
Kind of like nauseous, but not entirely.

Not that naming it would make the feeling any more comfortable...

The day seems to come in phases:

When I first get up, I feel really good, and often hungry. But when I eat, I feel full after just a few bites.

Mid-morning, between about 9 and 11, I'm pretty energetic and get increasingly hungry and usually eat lunch around 11 or 11:30.

It seems like after lunch, I feel progressively worse for most of the afternoon. Sick, tired, restless.

Dinnertime is kind of hit or miss.

I start to feel better shortly after dinner, which lasts until about 9:00. Then I abruptly start to feel exhausted and nauseous, and usually fall asleep by about 9:30.

If you can see any rhyme or reason to that pattern, bless you, because I certainly can't.

Monday, November 10, 2008

On Second Thought...

I got a piece of apple peel caught in my throat today while I was eating homemade applesauce and I retched so hard I almost threw up. So I think I might peel the apples next time.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Funny Parenting Comics

Disclaimer: Navelgazing Midwife (the page I'm sending you to) has a lovely header graphic (and I do mean graphic) that involves a radiant naked pregnant woman.

That said, here they are.

Pregnancy, Naturally

photo by viewerblur

Let me start by saying that this morning, in typical fashion, we got up and made a batch of banana-walnut pancakes with brown sugar syrup. In not-so-typical fashion, we got really fired up about making a batch of decaf.

I'll admit that Matt and I have always kind of derided decaf coffee as a waste of time, something enjoyed by those who were as likely to appreciate a cup of hot prune juice. Well, pregnancy changes a lot of things.

And while there are sources that say it's OK to enjoy the occasional cup of coffee during pregnancy, there are others that say it's probably not a good idea, and my instincts tell me that at least this early, it's probably best to abstain. So decaf it is, and it was actually very good.

Here's the rundown on what else we're avoiding during pregnancy:

1. BPA. We've talked about it before. Sadly, our shatterproof French press carafe is, you guessed it, plastic #7. Our stovetop espresso maker is aluminum, which may not be much better, so as soon as it's in the budget we'll probably get a glass carafe for the French press. In the meantime, we're sipping very lightly, but there are those times when a Saturday morning just cries out for a hot beverage. We were drinking a lot of chai, which has the benefit of an entire cup of milk per serving, but now I'm running low on spices.

2. Teflon. We've switched entirely to cooking in cast-iron or stainless steel, and while we've had some sticky moments, we've found that tips like preheating the pan and using a liberal amount of butter have allowed us to enjoy (practically) stick-free eggs, pancakes, and everything else.

3. High-fructose corn syrup. I haven't seen research stating this is specifically bad for developing embryos (if it exists, it's probably been suppressed by the AMA anyway!), but it's a nutritional void at best (and therefore displaces healthier foods I could be eating) and a contributor to chronic disease at worst. No thanks. And now that I think about it, it's been linked to diabetes, which contributes to all kinds of problems in pregnancy.

4. Ultrasounds. I'm not planning on one at all--we don't want to know the sex, if there was something "wrong" with the baby it wouldn't change our plans any, and they haven't been proven to be safe in pregnancy. They may even be harmful.

5. Pesticides. The link is to an article from the EU, but my uneducated guess is that they're probably using far FEWER pesticides than we are--they're just more open about it. And according to Maternal, Neonatal, and Women's Health Nursing, over fifty pesticides are known teratogens, and they're suspected to increase the rates of miscarriage, fetal death, and physical malformations such as cleft lip and extra fingers. So we're going organic whenever we can.

6. Cosmetics. A host of chemicals abound in these, but in particular phthalates (how could you trust a word spelled like that anyway?) chemicals found in MOST cosmetics and many soaps and shampoos, have been linked to cancer, birth defects, and the feminization of male fetuses. The only beauty product I still use is Pantene Pro-V shampoo, and I'm trying to wean myself. I use castile soap for everything else, and for moisturizer, I use a couple of drops of jojoba oil mixed with a drop of tea tree oil, and if I do say so myself, my skin has never looked better. And then you know about the deodorant and aluminum and all, but I'll say it again--these days, we're using a 50/50 blend of cornstarch and baking soda with a couple of drops of tea tree oil for its antibacterial and anti-odor properties. And I've been told I smell pretty good.

Typical pregnancy worries we're not really concerned about (and why):

1. Toxoplasmosis. Traditional pregnancy advice was to get rid of your cat; in recent years, that's softened to having someone else change the litterbox, in order to avoid contracting the parasite, which can adversely affect a developing fetus. But being that toxoplasma is ingested through eating infected prey, and our 100% indoor cats subsist entirely on a diet of dry food (supplemented with the occasional cricket), I'm not worried (though I don't argue with Matt when he offers to change the litter, either). (I'm also sort of confused as to why changing the cat litter is associated with "ingesting infected cat feces." I, uh, have never found that to be part of my litterbox-changing routine, but maybe I'm doing something wrong.)

2. Soft-cooked eggs. We know the farmer who provides our eggs and we've met the chickens, and as such we know they're kept in very clean, natural conditions. Hard-cooked eggs (or dry scrambled eggs) make me want to barf, so I'd rather just eat high-quality eggs that are unlikely to be infected with Salmonella.

3. The same goes for unpasteurized milk, cheese, and apple cider. Once again, I believe that if you know your supplier and he/she is following strict, safe practices, you're probably eating safer food than what is put into the general anonymous food supply under the assumption that "pasteurization will kill whatever gets in there anyway." I also believe that these foods have other health benefits that are destroyed by high heat. Yes, there are risks in life, but people have been eating these foods (pregnant or not) for centuries, and it appears they've only been hardier for it. If you want to see a robust bunch of babies and children (and women who don't appear to have any trouble carrying a pregnancy--or two, or ten--to full-term), just look at the Amish.

3. The occasional glass of wine--in my third trimester. For now, we're on the wagon.

4. Counting calories. Conventional wisdom says the average, normal-weight woman should gain 25-35 pounds during pregnancy, but some doctors have considered dropping that down to 15-20. This article has a breakdown of where the extra weight goes during pregnancy, for a total of 25 pounds--but you'll notice it has nothing allotted for a few pounds of fat storage, which your body puts on instinctively to provide calories that can be immediately released for breastfeeding. (It also assumes a 7-8lb baby; I was about 8-1/2 and Matt was close to ten, so I'm not anticipating much less than a nine-pounder.) If you strictly limit your weight in the hopes of avoiding putting on a few pounds of stored energy, your body will divert the resources it should be using toward your baby and your placenta. And I'm convinced this probably has something to do with why so many American women have trouble with their milk supply. I can't tell you how many women I've had deliver their babies, then when I offer them some juice or ginger ale afterwards, ask me if we carry "anything diet." I'm not advocating free-for-all weight gain, but I am saying that the priority in the immediate days postpartum is making enough milk to nourish your baby--NOT slipping back into your high-school jeans! The kicker? Women who follow a restrictive diet are more likely to gain large amounts of weight when pregnant than those who don't. As such, I'm loosely following the Brewer diet (which emphasizes high-protein, high-quality natural foods "to appetite," including a quart of milk and two eggs a day, as a means to give your body and your baby's body the building blocks they need for a healthy pregnancy), eating until I'm satisfied, and avoiding junk food.

On a similar note, Grist has a pretty rational checklist for avoiding toxins in pregnancy, and I was happy to see that most of what we're already doing matches right up with what they recommend, right down to avoiding Teflon pans (though they do still bang the drum against cat litter, and also list as safe a number of the products the Dr Bronner suit has proven to have unhealthy petrochemicals in them). In the end, I think every woman has to educate herself and follow her intuition about what's right for her and her baby--because this video, while inspiring, shows us where you can end up by having blind faith in the medical establishment.

Friday, November 7, 2008

(Stereo)Typical

photo by Zombizi

In what may be my first stereotypical pregnancy craving, I woke up this morning with Chinese food on the brain. Which is funny, because I haven't eaten it in at least a year and it's never been something that drove me wild. I do remember my mom saying she ate a ton of Chinese food when she was pregnant with me, so maybe it's something that was hardwired, waiting for the right time to express itself. Of course, 7am is the exact wrong time to have any hopes of getting your hands on any, so I settled for our regular breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast.

Also, yesterday morning Matt stomped on a cave cricket and squished it, and I gagged so hard I think the neighbors could hear it.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Inquiring Minds Want to Know...

photo by Oberazzi

...how I'm feeling, apparently. It's very kind of everybody to ask. And since I won't be needing this blog for issues of conception prevention anymore, I thought I'd go ahead and use it as sort of a pregnancy diary. That way, as with the birth control issue, those readers of our regular blog who are interested in the minutiae of our reproductive life can tune in, and those who prefer more general fare can stay over at MattnKatie. So consider yourself warned!

How I'm feeling: for the most part, great. In the VERY early weeks of being pregnant (when I didn't know but suspected), my major symptom was feeling incredibly hot all the time. This is unusual for me, because I usually run a little chilly. It makes sense though, because my basal temp was up (and has stayed up--this morning was a record 98.5, when my normal basal was around 97.0).

Then I had the classic--breast tenderness. Hard to differentiate it from premenstrual tenderness at the beginning, but it seems now to have shifted into a more distinct category (though still very tolerable) and also seems to be translating into having... a little more up top than I did previously. I'll take that!

Energy level: Matt and I both noticed that I also seemed to bound out of bed at 5am in a way that was distinctly uncharacteristic. A friend who's been pregnant before asked me, "Do you find yourself waking up really early, feeling all one with the earth and natural?" Yes, I do. Though if I do go back to sleep, I could stay there all day. Throughout the day, my energy level has been great, maybe even a little better than before. Is that hormones or excitement? Hard to tell.

Every so often I'll start to get the smallest twinge of queasiness, but it seems to go away if I eat something. I've beefed up the protein content in my diet (more on that later), and also made it even more of a priority to eat at regular intervals, and I'm praying that morning sickness might just pass me by entirely. Probably wishful thinking, but heading into 5 weeks, I'm cautiously optimistic since I've heard a number of people say they were really sick before that time.

I've been a little bit achy and crampy, but only just noticeably so.

And I peed about once an hour before I got pregnant, so if anything, I'd say that might even be a little less.

For the record, my hunch is saying boy (yes, we've talked about names, and no, we won't be sharing them ahead of time), although I'm notoriously wrong about other women's pregnancies --even more often than the 50/50 statistic would project. Does that mean it's in fact probably a girl, or are my powers of prediction more astute now that it's my own? Either way--we're ALL going to have to wait nine months to find out.

Beyond that, I might be a little quicker to tears than I was before, but we've always had a pretty emotionally open household and so that isn't anything dramatic. My main emotional symptom has been sort of disbelief--especially since I'm feeling pretty good so far, I don't really "feel" pregnant, and so Matt and I are prone to saying to each other "Dude, you know what's weird? We're going to have a baby." I'm sure it will all start to feel a little more real with time.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Or....Not.

Just when I was pondering the irony of an anovulatory cycle when Fertility Awareness Husband and I had decided we were open to the idea of adding a little one to the Fertility Awareness Family, my charting suddenly departed from the confusing pattern it had followed while we were traveling, and instead started looking more like this:

Which really looks a lot like this:

As confirmed a couple of days later by this:


So what about my supposed anovulation? When I looked at my chart more closely, it was really only 2 or 3 aberrant temps (while we were traveling, no less) that made it look like my pattern was...not a pattern. If you cover those up (as I've done below), it's actually a very distinguishable pattern of low temps, followed by high temps. And given that we were monitoring other signs, trying to conceive, and, you know, you get the picture, we realized that the odds were (hopefully) in our favor. I was confident enough that by the day I expected my period and didn't get it, we went ahead and bought a pregnancy test.So. Life after birth control really begins...

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Putting a Name With the Face

The name? Anovulation. After many days of up-and-down temps, and start-and-stop eggwhite fluid, I've come to the conclusion that I'm in an anovulatory cycle. As Toni Weschler notes in Taking Charge of Your Fertility, "travel is notorious for wreaking havoc with ovulation." That would certainly make sense. The clincher?

Example of an anovulatory cycle from TCOYF

My current cycle

They could be twins, right?

Anovulatory cycles are the trickiest of all because you don't know IF or WHEN you will either ovulate or menstruate. Either one could show up at almost any time. So, after the smugness of a textbook-perfect cycle right out of the blocks, I've now got this to contend with.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Back, and Confused

Photo by B Tal

Well, we've successfully been to the West Coast and back. As predicted, my temperatures were all over the map, but I thought I was fine even so, because I had three days of totally obvious eggwhite-quality cervical fluid, up to and including the day we flew back. We all know what to expect next, right? Thermal shift!

However, it's now been two days since then; and while I didn't have a solid baseline to go off of before, both of my temps since returning have been LOWER than the rest of this cycle. In Seattle, they were up in the 97.6-97.7 range. Given the change in time and activity, I would not have been surprised if they'd stayed the same, which could possibly have been interpreted as an actual net rise, since I wasn't taking my temperature at 2am (5am East Coast time, when I usually do it), and knowing that temperature rises about 1/10 of a degree for each 30-60 minutes you sleep in. Instead, I've had temps around 97.0--my previous baseline.

So, I have to figure that my body geared up to ovulate, but possibly because of the traveling and time change, didn't actually do it. Because even if, say, I were pregnant, I should still have had a temperature rise (and then high temperatures lasting for weeks). The fact that my temperature, if anything, has dropped seems like it can only mean that I haven't ovulated.

Yet.

I guess we'll just stay on the lookout for it.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Time change

Photo by Leo Reynolds

I'm working nights this week, which means I'm waking up between 3 and 4pm instead of 5 and 6 am. It also means that taking my temperature after "3 hours of uninterrupted sleep" is a difficult task, because that's a hard commodity to come by when you're sleeping during the day. So I just take it when I first get up--in today's case, 3pm, which is 10 hours after I usually take it, and I'd also gotten up twice already to go to the bathroom.

As such, I wasn't surprised to see my temperature out of whack (97.5 as opposed to my normal 96.9-97.2). To make matters more complicated, we're also traveling to the West Coast this week, meaning that after having just shifted my body clock by 10-12 hours, I will then have to adjust it back 12 hours to get back on days, and then back another 3 hours to get in the right time zone. Then readjust it 3 hours forward when we come back, travel all day, and work first thing the next morning. I get the feeling this will wreak havoc on more than just my basal temperature! Incidentally, I'm curious to see whether this will delay or otherwise affect ovulation, or have any other effect on my cycle.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Reflections On My Cycle

photo by Wonderlane


As I come to the close of my first full cycle, I'm reflective as to the significance of it--this event that's common to the lives of childbearing women everywhere.

For the past two days, I've found myself with a catch in my throat for reasons I can't name. It's not that anything in my life has changed; but on the other hand, it's not as if I don't have any reason for sadness, either. I'm not perplexed by the emotion, which seems fitting and right based on what's going on in my life right now; it simply feels like the veil between the undercurrents of my life and my daily experiences is somehow thinner. And today, I found myself feeling melancholy in a nearly inexplicable way that I often do during fall. There's something about it that has always gotten to me, even as a child. When you grow up starting school in August, it's a time of new beginnings; looking at nature, you also realize it's a time of endings. There's a tension there which shares a fine border with sadness, and it has nothing to do with your conscious thought. Your body bleeds and grieves without your permission.

When I revisited the Menstruation chapter of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, I found that Northrup also compares the seasonal cycle to the menstrual cycle, in terms of energy and awareness. Spring and summer, along with ovulation, are typically times of great inspiration and fullness. Fall and winter, along with menstruation, are seen as times for quiet and reflection. So it seems as though I've got a double whammy right now. While I don't quite feel the need to retreat from Fertility Awareness Husband and spend a week in the red tent, we've both remarked that we can see the utility of such a practice, especially in cultures that don't especially encourage emotional openness between spouses. For our own part, we've spent the past week continuing to be very emotionally open with each other; I've made a particular effort to be nice to myself; and I found great solace and comfort today in spending a long time talking things out with my mother. This might sound stereotypical or overly simplistic, but to me, it's just doing what comes naturally. It just seems to make sense. As Northrup notes on pages 134-135:

"We have been taught to be suspicious of these natural energies--and too many women see them as a weakness that needs to be overridden and ignored. Heaven forbid we should take a break from getting it all done!

"The second half of the menstrual cycle and autumn are times when the tide is out and everything that you don't want to see on the muddy bottom of the bay is uncovered for all to see. Women need to learn to pay attention to the information available to them at these times of the month and of the year. Think of this information as compost that you'll be using to create new growth in your life once the light comes back."

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Period.

So exciting! Set up the red tent! Exactly thirteen days after my peak day (and presumed ovulation). Another thing I like about FAM: charting not only gives you an excellent idea of when to expect your period (the number of days between ovulation and menstruation varies from woman to woman, but is generally very consistent for each woman), but checking your cervix (or having it checked) also gives you a more helpful heads-up that it's arrived than, say, waiting to bleed through a pair of pants. I went from no spotting at all yesterday, to a little bit of blood with a cervical check this morning, to an almost-full Keeper cup at the end of the day. (When I was on birth control, I had barely that much flow the entire week!) Speaking of which, if you're not using one yet, I highly recommend it. And if you haven't read this, I'd recommend that too. Another very woman- and period-positive resource is here. It was reading Northrup's chapters on things like self-care and menstrual wisdom that actually made me jealous of women who were cycling, and that started our whole journey toward fertility awareness.

Another thing I like about being off of birth control: my body and I get the blame and the credit for everything. If I'm teary? It's not because I'm on the pill, so maybe something is really wrong. And when people used to tell me "You have pretty skin," I'd say "Oh, everybody does when they're on the pill." But you know what? I'm off the pill, having my period, and my skin still looks nice, if I do say so myself. Maybe it was me all along.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

First Thermal Shift!

Like clockwork, after two days of unmistakable eggwhite-quality cervical fluid, I experienced a dramatic, almost half-degree temperature shift. (My normal basal temp is between 96.9 and 97.2; it jumped up to 97.6 and has continued to rise to 97.8.)I'm on my third consecutive day of high temps now, and I'm also three days post-fertile fluid. All right on schedule, and as long as everything remains the same, tomorrow I should enter my post-ovulatory infertile phase. It's the phase that generally lasts between 12 and 16 days for almost all women; more than 18 high temps in a row are considered to be a pretty foolproof sign of pregnancy. So in a couple of weeks I'll know if we've been successful at using FAM for birth control, or if we unwittingly used it to conceive!

Here are the rules of FAM as I'm using it, based on the fertility awareness method as outlined by Toni Weschler in Taking Charge of Your Fertility:

-You are safe (to have otherwise unprotected intercourse) the first five days of the menstrual cycle (first day of your period is always day 1) if you had an obvious tempereature shift 12 to 16 days before. (If you didn't have a temperature shift, you may not have ovulated, and so the bleeding you're having is considered potentially a fertile sign)

-Before ovulation, you are safe the evening of a dry day

-You are safe the evening of the third consecutive day your temperature is above the coverline. (The coverline is a line you draw one-tenth above the highest LOW temp you have prior to ovulation.)

-You are safe the evening of the fourth consecutive day after your peak day. (Your peak day is the LAST day of fertile-quality fluid, which obviously you only know in hindsight!) This is considered not just eggwhite, stretchy fluid but also "creamy" fluid, which is a little hard for me to distinguish from normal vaginal dampness. If anything will be our downfall in terms of determining fertility, this will be it...

There's a lot more detail to it than that, so obviously you'll want to check out a book for yourself if you're anticipating using the method, but I thought I'd outline a little background on what's going on with me.

It was really exciting to see the thermal shift, especially right on cue. It made me feel like my body is some kind of science experiment that's actually working. I'm also pleasantly surprised that it occurred so soon after going off the Pill, since I know that that's not always the case.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Missing my fertility awareness blogger

We are super excited about the eggwhitey appearance today, but it is hard for us too because my wife is away this week, and her cervical checker (me) cannot be there to do his job. That may be too graphic for some people, but here is a surprise--we do more daring things than daily cervical checks. If your husband is game, I would highly recommend getting him involved on the action. I was really enjoying getting to know my wife's body, and it is a big bummer to be away during this big event. But, I know it will come around again.

Miss you and love you wife!

The Eggwhite Has Landed!

Shortly after I was beginning to despair that my fertility was never going to return, and feeling frustrated at the dead-end nature of charting completely consistent temperatures and a basic infertile pattern of cervical fluid, I was surprised and excited to find today that I have been experiencing a moderate to large amount of stretchy, eggwhite-quality cervical fluid. Hooray! I'm hoping to see a thermal shift in a few days to confirm ovulation, and then we'll be on our way to having some hard, helpful data about the length and characteristics of my cycles. The only sad part is that I'm traveling right now, so my husband, who has patiently hung in there for two weeks of fertility checks so far, missed the big event. Next month!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Getting Closer

I should begin by saying "heck yes" about my wife's previous post. We are definitely do-it-yourselfers, and have been steadily getting away from anything unnatural. But, this is an interesting time for a couple to choose to undertake such a project. A number of weeks ago, we thought that our marriage was shaken to the point that it might have came apart completely. We are so very glad that it didn't, but both of us are still dealing with the aftermath of this. So, it would seem sort of wild to some to try something that, if you are not careful, could end up in an unplanned pregnancy. But, we are the fearless type, and we work to keep our faith and our values in front of everything that we do. And so, bodily health, simplicity, communication, and a loving act, all of which describe the many good parts of the fertility awareness method, made the method seem to be not just a good option, but a necessity.

We feel like, as my wife previously said, that this is already pulling us closer together. Waking up at 5am with someone to take there basal temp will do this, but even more will daily cervical checks. I have been enjoying doing the checks a lot, but as we still go through our relationship ups and downs, I realize truly how much trust it takes to let someone, even your husband, do this. When we are not feeling particularly close, there is nothing like a mucus or cervical check to help us realize, "Well, you better get close." I have seen my lovely go through a gynecology exam, and have seen how uncomfortable that is, so I never want what I do to come anywhere near to that. Being in this intimate series of daily checks together has helped us to keep in mind that we are doing this for each other, and being comfortable, loving, and communicative is just as important as the charting or the checks. If we were not close or at least working to be close, why would we do it. No potential for closeness means no potential for sex, which means not much of a point for fertility awareness.

So anyway, we are doing well lately, even with the ups and downs. And I love my wife and deeply appreciate this time to learn more about her cycles. I am really so excited to see what affects this may have on her body, and where this will take our relationship. No matter what, I am sure that it will be exciting.

Why the Fertility Awareness Method?

After being happy on the pill for some time, and enjoying not only reliable contraception but also such side benefits as clearer skin, more regular/less painful/lighter periods, and a slightly inflated cup size, sometimes I wonder myself. As an OB nurse, I have an awareness of and access to the wide variety of contraceptive options out there. If I was sick of the pill, I could have opted for the patch, the ring, an IUD, a female condom...but I didn't.

There is no one reason, nothing that came to me like a bolt of lightening. Instead, it was a series of gradual realizations. One was that as I started to believe more and more in natural birth--in the idea that synthetic oxytocin isn't as good as the real thing, that the body and its hormones have powers and purposes beyond our current comprehension--the more that idea seemed applicable to the regular old menstrual cycle, too. What bodily wisdom was I defying by eliminating such an ancient and mysterious cycle?

The more I sought to avoid hormones in my milk and yogurt, the less sense it made to be swallowing them twenty-one out of every twenty-eight mornings.

The more we thought about having kids in the next few years, the more sense it made to try to let my body do what came instinctively instead of artificially regulating my cycles. I've tried to go largely organic and stopped eating fish high in mercury with the hopes that I will keep from bioaccumulating too many toxins--toxins which naturally concentrate themselves in the human placenta and breastmilk--did it make sense to be downing synthetic estrogen and progesterone up until such time as I was ready to have a baby?

And as we grapple with how to keep sex in marriage exciting, the idea of regular "courtship and honeymoon" periods (as one book put it), coupled with an increase in communication as well as a true partnership when it came to birth control, appealed to us.

We've also become crunchy, frugal do-it-ourself-ers, meaning that if there's something we can make or do at home, we're loathe to pay for somebody (or something) else to do it for us.

Take all of this together and then enter the books at right, which we came across on a shelf at our favorite used bookstore one evening, and presto: an idea whose time had come.

Sunday, Sunday

Today marks the day I would have started a new pack of pills. Therefore, it also marks the beginning of contraceptive uncertainty! I'm pretty sure I've started to see the beginnings of some cervical fluid changes (from dry to creamy) and so we're now obligated to consider ourselves potentially fertile (and to be safe, abstinent) until a temperature shift and a return to an infertile fluid pattern confirms that ovulation is over.

So far, we're only about a week into practicing FAM, but we do feel like it's already brought us closer. Talking about what kinds of intimacy are or aren't a possibility forces us to really be on the same page about it, and there's a real camaraderie to waking up at 5am together to take my temperature. And, it's hard not to feel close to somebody when you're ducking into the bathroom so he can check your cervix...

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Welcome!

I'm starting this blog because when I first considered going off the pill and began to be interested in a more natural method of birth control, I wasn't able to find much in the way of personal testimony from people using the fertility awareness method (FAM) to prevent conception. I found plenty of information on the method, and some personal experience from couples using it to conceive, but very little in the way of first-person experience using it for birth control. I was interested to know what couples thought and experienced as they got the hang of the technical, as well as emotional, aspects of such an intimate subject. So I'm hoping to use this as a way to chronicle what we learn and how it goes!