Reflections On My Cycle

photo by Wonderlane

As I come to the close of my first full cycle, I'm reflective as to the significance of it--this event that's common to the lives of childbearing women everywhere.

For the past two days, I've found myself with a catch in my throat for reasons I can't name. It's not that anything in my life has changed; but on the other hand, it's not as if I don't have any reason for sadness, either. I'm not perplexed by the emotion, which seems fitting and right based on what's going on in my life right now; it simply feels like the veil between the undercurrents of my life and my daily experiences is somehow thinner. And today, I found myself feeling melancholy in a nearly inexplicable way that I often do during fall. There's something about it that has always gotten to me, even as a child. When you grow up starting school in August, it's a time of new beginnings; looking at nature, you also realize it's a time of endings. There's a tension there which shares a fine border with sadness, and it has nothing to do with your conscious thought. Your body bleeds and grieves without your permission.

When I revisited the Menstruation chapter of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, I found that Northrup also compares the seasonal cycle to the menstrual cycle, in terms of energy and awareness. Spring and summer, along with ovulation, are typically times of great inspiration and fullness. Fall and winter, along with menstruation, are seen as times for quiet and reflection. So it seems as though I've got a double whammy right now. While I don't quite feel the need to retreat from Fertility Awareness Husband and spend a week in the red tent, we've both remarked that we can see the utility of such a practice, especially in cultures that don't especially encourage emotional openness between spouses. For our own part, we've spent the past week continuing to be very emotionally open with each other; I've made a particular effort to be nice to myself; and I found great solace and comfort today in spending a long time talking things out with my mother. This might sound stereotypical or overly simplistic, but to me, it's just doing what comes naturally. It just seems to make sense. As Northrup notes on pages 134-135:

"We have been taught to be suspicious of these natural energies--and too many women see them as a weakness that needs to be overridden and ignored. Heaven forbid we should take a break from getting it all done!

"The second half of the menstrual cycle and autumn are times when the tide is out and everything that you don't want to see on the muddy bottom of the bay is uncovered for all to see. Women need to learn to pay attention to the information available to them at these times of the month and of the year. Think of this information as compost that you'll be using to create new growth in your life once the light comes back."