Eden's weaning story: Nursing while pregnant

A collage of nursing Eden--from birth to weaning

I got pregnant when Eden was around 14 months old. My fertility returned somewhat hesitantly (with few, irregular periods and spotty ovulation) at that point, and I'm convinced that it did so mainly because I was working 40+ hours outside the home at that point. Had she and I still been together nonstop during the day, I'm pretty sure it would have stayed away longer. Consider me impressed with the lactational amenorrhea method! However, we were ready and excited for another baby by that point, and so we were fertility charting and hoping for the pregnancy which did come shortly thereafter.

At that point, Eden was a hearty eater of table food, but also still an enthusiastic nurser and still getting a pretty decent amount of breastmilk when we were together. I felt like I'd entered the golden age of nursing: I didn't have to pump when we were away from each other, but I had plenty of milk when she wanted it. Nursing was perhaps equal parts nutrition and comfort, and especially when she occasionally got sick (which we noticed happening more frequently as she was relying less on breastmilk), I was grateful to have an easily tolerated, readily acceptable, always-available source of nutrition, immunities, and electrolytes for her.

Eden's first bout with the stomach flu--during which she couldn't keep down anything but breastmilk

I'd read many accounts of nursing while pregnant, and it seemed like most women described a) a feeling of restlessness/fidgetiness/general discomfort at some point while nursing; and b) that their milk supply dried up, if not totally, at least considerably, around 20 weeks of pregnancy. I also read many accounts of women who were just beginning their NWP journey who expressed hope that neither of these things would happen to them, since there were occasionally stories of women who nursed without discomfort or decline in milk supply up until their new baby was born. (There were, however, far more stories of those who developed tactics for nursing through the discomfort/decreased milk supply.) I was one of the hopeful ones. And for the first trimester and a half, nursing continued as usual, and Eden was very attached to it, since at that point I was doing full-time midwifery clinicals and gone for long, unpredictable stretches at any hour of the day or night. Nursing was a quick and foolproof way for us to reconnect when I was home, for however long that might be.

Around the time I finished school and we moved back to the midwest, though, I was starting to experience exactly the restless feelings described by so many other pregnant and nursing moms. The best way I can describe it is that to say before Eden was born, I had worried that nursing would feel squeamish or strange or too sensitive. Up until my second pregnancy, I never had a moment of feeling like this. Some soreness and tenderness at the very beginning, but it always felt very comfortable and natural--much to my pleasant surprise. Around the 20 week mark, though--at which time my milk did also dry up--it did start to feel...not exactly painful, although a little bit, but more sort of strange and uncomfortable, like I was too aware of every little sensation. We had basically cut down to just a quick nursing before naps and bedtime, and before long, I had cut that down to literally less than a minute at a time.

At that point, I stepped back and thought about where we were at on our nursing journey, and since the milk was essentially gone and she was nursing for connection and comfort (and it was causing me such extreme discomfort, making it difficult for me to feel much connection through it), it made sense to me for us to take the time before the new baby came to find other ways for comfort and connection. I realize I am in an incredibly fortunate position to be able to afford a nutritious and complete diet for my child (not true of toddlers in much of the world) and to have a toddler who eats heartily and enthusiastically, anything from beef stew to sauerkraut to carrots and apples and cottage cheese (not true of toddlers in much of the United States). I didn't like the idea of just "suffering through it," (though my hat goes off to those who do--it just didn't feel like the right solution for us), or limiting her so sharply in what she relied on for security. I'd also read of people who endured the pregnancy nursing in hopes of tandem nursing, only to find that it was just too uncomfortable/demanding for them to nurse two children at once. I too had originally hoped and planned to tandem nurse Eden and this next baby, since I'd always assumed I'd nurse her until age two or beyond and she would only be 22 months when the new baby was born. However, considering that I might find myself in a situation of feeling like I needed to abruptly wean her at a sensitive time when she needed me most made me rethink that plan. Instead, I decided to focus on filling her needs in other ways while she was still an only child, so that by the time her little brother or sister came along, we were well established in a pattern of connection without nursing.

I was also open to her leading throughout the process. Had she shown much resistance to it, I would have reconsidered; and it was always my position that if she wanted to resume nursing when the baby was born and my milk came back, I was open to it.

Weaning was rather uneventful and gradual; since we were down to just one or two times a day, before bed, I started rocking and singing to her instead. The first couple of days she reached for my shirt like she wanted to nurse, but she gave in easily and rested her head on my chest instead when I declined. I don't think she ever cried for it or really acted upset; she seemed to take the change in stride. As a result, I don't really remember when her last nursing was, and I think I like it that way. I do know that it was sometime in January, so she was about 19 months old or so. Rather earlier than I had anticipated, but it seemed to feel right and natural for us.

A few times in the weeks and months following when she stopped nursing, she asked to nurse again, and I would let her try. In those times, she seemed to have literally forgotten how. She would try, look up at me, pat my chest, then rest her head on it and say "hi," which was kind of her universal "I love you." It was really very endearing, and made me feel like she knew it was there if she needed it, but that she really didn't need it anymore.

Incidentally, shortly before the weaning we had started putting her to sleep in her own bed in a different room. It was nothing we had intended; when we lived in temporary housing, she slept on a folding bed next to ours simply because our double bed wasn't big enough for a grown man, a pregnant woman, and an active toddler. However, we'd intended to keep her in our room indefinitely, and possibly even co-sleep with both her and the new baby. Once again, life had other plans, and once we moved to the midwest, she was sleeping poorly in our room and waking up frequently throughout the night. As a last resort, we tried putting her to sleep in the next room--and with few exceptions, she's slept peacefully through the night ever since. Another example of how parenthood doesn't always conform to your expectations!

Thinking about it now, I think the timing for both of those things was right for us and right for her. One of the best pieces of parenting advice I've heard (I think it was from Dr Sears) is that if you feel resentful about something in parenting, change it. I wasn't feeling exactly resentful of nursing, but it wasn't mutually rewarding anymore, either; and in terms of switching her to her own room, we were starting to feel pretty impatient with the interruption in sleep. The other thing is that Eden has always been a fairly strong-willed child, but she acquiesced to weaning and sleeping in her own bed literally without a whimper around the age of 18-20 months. Nowadays, I think either of those changes would be much harder than they were back then. She's a strongly opinionated almost-two-year-old who has definite ideas about everything from where everyone should sit at meals to what cup she wants to drink out of to who she wants to take her to the potty or get her dressed after bathtime.

While I 1000% support mothers whose nursing relationship lasts considerably longer than mine and Eden's did, I do notice that among those nursing older toddlers, there are some (many?) mothers who begin to feel impatient for weaning but finds herself with a clash of wills on her hands when it comes to going about it. In our case, for our particular situation, while I do have the occasional bittersweet moments when I realize that that chapter of our relationship is closed, I also feel like even bigger doors have opened for us (not as a result of weaning, but just of her growing up in general) and that it was a move in the right direction. I feel grateful that we caught the window where it seems like the timing was easiest on her and on us, and I also feel good about how we balanced the needs of everyone in the family--a juggling act that will become more necessary as we add more kids to the clan. I can only hope that future parenting milestones can go as smoothly--and that we can remember to be flexible with our own family, and understanding of those families whose journeys look different than ours.

Eden and me and the new baby and "Pink Baby"

Once again, this is just my experience. Other posts and perspectives on weaning and/or nursing while pregnant:

Breastfeeding while pregnant: Trying at times, but ultimately worth it (includes several links)
Breastfeeding through pregnancy: Third trimester update
The last time I breastfed
Nursing during pregnancy and tandem nursing (several links as well)

Fun calculators

Here are calculators you can use to figure out how much you save (or would save) by breastfeeding and/or cloth diapering. It doesn't even touch the health benefits, though, which are the main reason we do both. Love it!

Breastfeeding calculator

Cloth diapering calculator

...or not.

Shortly after my last post, Eden developed a bout of slimy green diarrhea (well, it was)! that made me decide to basically exclusively breastfeed her again. Like clockwork, once she cut out table food, the temps and cervical fluid that had been slowly creeping toward fertile immediately slammed on the brakes, and my fertility went right back into hibernation. Really, it's pretty neat that our bodies are able to do such an abrupt about-face and send the message that "Hey, seems like your first baby needs all of your attention right now! Ixnay on the new conception!" While I'm pleased to report that two weeks and countless blowouts later, her poops have returned to normal (sans medical intervention or input), my period still seems to be in hiding. Ah, well. We'll take that as meant to be for now.

Getting back on the menstrual cycle

My period is back. Which means that a burning question I've had has been answered. "Can I use my old Keeper cup after I give birth?" Because they come in two sizes, A for After birth and B for Before. I bought my B keeper just a couple of months before I got pregant, and was bummed that I might have to buy another one after Eden was born. Thanks to the wonders of lactational amenorrhea, I haven't had to find out. However, at around 7.5 months of age, we started to introduce a decent amount of table food into Eden's diet (more on that later), and sure enough, the consistency of my cervical fluid started to change, and I got the feeling (you know, a crampy, back-achey, pelvic-pressure-ey feeling) that I was going to get a period soon. Just like that, one arrived shortly after, and I'm pleased to report that YES, my old Keeper works just fine, and if I can say that after a 10 lb vaginal birth, I'm pretty sure anybody else should at least go ahead and give it a try.

Anyway, the timing of my period coming back is interesting because lately we've been talking about having another baby. We've known for a long time that if we got to choose, we'd like our next one sooner rather than later. We'd love it if Eden doesn't get too attached to the idea of being the center of everybody's universe (only child, only grandchild) for too long, and we'd also like for her to grow up with somebody close in age. Even so, however, around six months, the idea of adding another baby still seemed crazy and overwhelming. Now? Not so much. Eden is so interactive and mobile that she hardly seems like a baby anymore. She seems like a little kid. We're starting to feel like parenting is normal, second nature, and not such a conscious balancing act. However, at the time we were discussing all this, there was no sign of my fertility returning, and so we'd resigned ourselves to waiting until it did (many LAM'rs report infertile phases of up to 15 months or more), feeling that it would come back along right when it was meant to. And, lo and behold, here it is. We'll see what happens next.

Breastfeeding fashion: What works for me

Since I'm planning to breastfeed Eden for a long time, probably into an overlap with our next baby, it was imperative to me that I find a breastfeeding wardrobe that was comfortable and efficient as soon as possible.

I started out wearing my maternity tops, since they were what fit best postpartum anyway. Even once the maternity shirts got put away, I continued to use these maternity/nursing tank tops from Walmart, which were cheap and surprisingly durable. (I bought one in white and one in black--mediums--and for size reference, I was 140lbs/B cup prior to pregnancy, 190lbs/D cup while pregnant.) While many commenters noted the annoyance of having the strap fly away after unsnapping it (vs more expensive nursing tanks, such as the ever-popular Bravado, which feature a strap which anchors everything nearby), I found them stretchy enough to just pull down for nursing, as opposed to having to actually unsnap them. I was also lucky enough to get a couple of Bravado tanks as hand-me-downs, and they are awesome--flattering, sturdy, stretchy. They're $45 a pop new (though you can often find them for less on eBay, Craigslist, etc). They do contain a very supportive internal bra (vs just a shelf bra on other tanks/camis, although I have found a shelf bra to be plenty, even at my new cup size), and so while $45 for a tank seems like a lot, if you use it like I do as the foundation to bridge your regular wardrobe into a nursing wardrobe, it might not be so bad.

As far as a nursing bra, I had ordered one of these from Walmart.com and wore it toward the end of my pregnancy. I found it supportive (if with somewhat unnecessarily wide straps--but it was comfortable) though some sort of hidden tag or something left the middle of my back itching like crazy, but that could have just been a fluke. Early on I decided a nursing bra was too much to fumble with, and since it was summer, I was largely wearing my tank tops and camisoles anyway, and so I started wearing those either alone or under another top, basically using them like a nursing bra. Worked like a charm and saved a ton of money!

A few weeks postpartum I invested in some nursing tops from Expressiva. We were taking Eden to church and other places where being able to breastfeed easily and somewhat discreetly was nice. While I can't speak highly enough about doing business with Expressiva, as they're great with returns and exchanges and ship quickly (and props to them for their organic line), I did find much of the clothing to be overly heavy (for many of the shirts, the "nursing option" is a whole second layer of cloth with boob cutouts) and actually somewhat more awkward than just pulling down a regular (V-neck or stretchy) shirt. (Especially if I was also wearing the nursing bra.) Getting the second layer to lie right without looking awkwardly bunchy (like I had a dishtowel under my shirt) , not to mention fishing through the hidden openings to try to hook and unhook a nursing bra with one hand, wasn't easy and usually wound up taking more effort and drawing more attention to myself than the simple maneuver I used with regular shirts. Unfortunately, as a result, I've largely quit wearing them and will probably go ahead and Craigslist them soon.

As noted above, I've now evolved into a system that is based around wearing either one of my hand-me-down Bravado tanks, maternity tanks, OR any reasonably stretchy camisole with a shelf or other built-in bra (I have a number of my sister's castoffs from American Eagle, Express, Target, Maurice's; you can also get them at Walmart.com--never thought I'd be their spokesperson!--for around $5 apiece) under either a top that is a) stretchy, b) low-cut, c) V-neck, or d) button-down; OR under any other top that is loose enough to pull up from the bottom. For the first bunch, I pull the top and the camisole down to nurse, then pull it back. That's it. No snapping, rearranging of layers, or anything like that. Yes, the top of my breast (gasp) is exposed while I nurse, but I'm comfortable with that. For the second group of tops (this includes things like Tshirts and pullover sweaters), I pull the shirt up and the tank down. While not quite as quick and easy as feeding from the top, I like this option for its ability to let me wear a lot of my pre-baby tops without flashing around a bunch of belly and back (which is sort of awkward, and hey, it's December now!).

I'm also lazy and so I like that at the end of the day, I can take off whatever I'm wearing over it and voila: easy nursing pajamas!

If you utilize this system, you can easily take your maternity/pre-maternity wardrobe through nursing with only the addition of a few camisoles (ranging from $5-$45). Compared to $30 and up for a single nursing top, and the fact that this system is overall much more convenient for me, I feel like I've landed on something that really works.

What about breast pads? Personally, I never got used to wearing them. I found them itchy, uncomfortable, and ridiculously obvious under just about anything. I wore While I was sometimes leaky, especially early on, I personally preferred to deal with a few drips on my shirt (which can happen even with breast pads, depending on how messy an eater your baby is) than trying to yank around and readjust uncomfortable breast pads. I also learned quickly, as I'm sure most others do, that clamping my opposite arm over the breast I wasn't feeding with prevents it from spraying through my shirt when my milk lets down. On the whole, I just figure that I am a breastfeeding mother and there is bound to be evidence of it (besides the baby attached to my breast, that is), and I'd just as soon that evidence be milk as giant breast pads showing through my shirt. If I were going to wear them (say if I had a more formal job, and/or an expensive or dry-clean-only wardrobe vs scrubs, tshirts, and tank tops)? I'd definitely go with these wool ones.

From one of my favorite blogs by a breastfeeding mom, her own tips for a breastfeeding wardrobe, along with an excellent post on how to be comfortable around a breastfeeding woman. She's currently breastfeeding a toddler, and is a source of information and interesting anecdotes about that.

Life after....

photo by wellcome images

Now that Eden is four months old, I figured it was time for a post on the subject that originally launched this blog: natural family planning, or life after birth control.

Coincidentally, I'm currently taking a women's health class (basically, gynecology) in midwifery school right now and am delighted to report that one of our main textbooks, Contraceptive Technology (19th ed.), is far from the dry, medical, and, well, technology-focused tome it might initially appear to be. Instead, it's engagingly written and easy to read, and a book I would recommend for anyone who is or might someday be in the position of considering contraception of some kind. (Which is to say, just about everybody.) The thing that surprised me the most about this book was its unabashed cheerleading for breastfeeding and its respect for natural methods of birth control, such as fertility awareness-based methods, withdrawal (almost as effective as condoms when used correctly--who knew?!), and lactational amenorrhea method (LAM).

While just about any maternity discharge teaching I've ever seen has included the phrase "you CAN get pregnant right after you have a baby, even if you are breastfeeding," and we're all familiar with the argument that pre-ejaculate contains 'millions of sperm,' " along with the joke about couples who use rhythm-based methods (what do you call them? Parents!), this book deconstructs those myths and gives success-rate statistics for all of them. In fact, pregnancy is highly unlikely for the first six months of exclusive breastfeeding (however, you have to understand and practice what is really considered exclusive breastfeeding), pre-ejaculate does not contain sperm, and fertility-based awareness methods are highly effective when practiced correctly. Here are the statistics on these three methods, all of whom share the advantages of being safe, completely free, and relatively effective:



(from Contraceptive Technology, 19th ed., Hatcher et al.) Except for LAM, this information is available from the authors here.

When it comes to breastfeeding, it's generally understood that breastfeeding slows the return of a woman's menstrual periods and therefore suppresses her fertility for a time. This occurs because the hormone prolactin is released during suckling, and prolactin suppresses hormones needed to induce ovulation. This effect has recently been quantified by the lactational amenorrhea method, which consists of the following three questions:

1) Is your baby less than six months old?
2) Is your baby exclusively or very nearly exclusively breastfeeding? (Generally, this means feeding on demand, day and night, no more than 4 hours between feedings during the day and 6 hours at night, with no or very little supplemental substances given.)
3) Are you amenorrheic (no periods since the birth of your baby--or, more specifically, no bleeding after 56 days postpartum)?

If you can answer "yes" to all three questions, your risk of pregnancy is considered to be less than 1%--equal to perfect use of highly effective methods such as the pill, and in fact better than rates of typical use (since you can forget to take a pill much more easily than you can forget to breastfeed your baby).

Here is a good source of information on LAM.

What about when you don't quite meet those criteria, though? Having a four-month-old, I can tell you that those six months after the birth of your baby are going to fly by.

Then what?

Also, what about breastpumping? Can you use lactational amenorrhea if you are pumping? Most sources are very clear that only "very little" supplementation (ie formula or solid foods) are acceptable for maintaining LAM. What if your baby receives no supplementation, but is occasionally or regularly given your breastmilk in a bottle (or spoon, or cup)?

And what if your baby sometimes sleeps through the night?

Obviously the waters get a little bit murkier. It's all well and good for statistical purposes to set rules like the above, but very few of us will meet those criteria for very long. Does that mean we should give up the idea and, perhaps unnecessarily, choose another method?

Pumping is an area most sources don't address directly, and some decry altogether, but it appears as though pumping full-time only drops the success rate of the methods from 98-99% effective to 94-96% effective. Hello! That's still a lot better than typical use of most contraceptives, it's still free, and it gives considerably more leeway to those of us who are pumping some, but not full-time. Personally, I think this is the information to present to women, rather than "No, it doesn't work." If I chose to go it on nothing but LAM, and were pumping all or some of the time--I would be aware that fertility might return sooner, but if I was still feeding breastmilk exclusively and still amenorrheic, I'd be willing to chance it (with some additional precautions--see below).

As someone who works part-time (probably pumping for 6-8 feedings a week) and whose baby sometimes sleeps through the night, whose baby is rapidly approaching the 6-month mark and who has successfully used natural family planning in the past, it seems like combining the methods would be a useful way to extend lactational infertility for the duration of its natural course. As a result, I monitor fertility signals (mainly cervical fluid--though I'm trying to get back in the saddle with basal body temperature (BBT) measurements too) even though I'm still amenorrheic (I find the "65 days postpartum" rule a helpful cutoff since I experienced postpartum lochia for ~6 weeks following birth, a dry spell of about a week, and then a couple more days of spotting--but have been amenorrheic ever since).

In the past month or so, I've had the odd isolated day of stretchy mucus here and there, helpfully pointed out to me by practicing NFP. On those days, we either abstain, or... use the newly-exonerated withdrawal method.

So far, it's a system that has worked well for us. I would love to see studies done on the triangulation of these three methods because I have a hunch that they would be pretty solidly effective, especially in women who are breastfeeding up to a year or two or even three--particularly since these women are likely to be the type who would be interested in safe, natural, and effective birth control which doesn't affect one's milk supply. I also enjoy the liberation of a method that is completely within our control, which involves bodily awareness and cooperation, and which capitalizes on practices that were already important to use anyway. The addition of withdrawal is also a handy one for new parents, who will inevitably find that their "safe days" with NFP don't coincide with the days that the baby falls asleep on time! I should point out that some NFP methods allow using a barrier method OR abstinence on fertile days , others are very fervent about the point that if you choose to use a "backup" method on days you are known or suspected to be fertile, you are not practicing natural family planning. You are relying on the success (or failure) rate of the method you are using (be it condoms or withdrawal or a diaphragm or whatever), making it anything but a backup since you are using it precisely when you are most likely to become pregnant. Meaning that you are looking at the 4-27% rate (depending on how perfect your use is) of withdrawal, not the high rates of success boasted by perfectly-practiced (meaning periodically abstinent) NFP. Clearly, this may not be a method for couples who would not want to risk a pregnancy for whatever reason; however, being as we know that we want more children and have preferences but not absolute contraindications as to when, it works well for us.

The book Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing is an excellent one about what the author calls "ecological breastfeeding," which includes on-demand and through the night but also the concepts of babywearing, near-constant togetherness, and cosleeping as important, the proximity of the baby contributing to hormonal changes which suppress fertility as well. However, she's very strict on these matters, moreso than modern life unfortunately permits for most of us, so I am happy to see statistics on LAM alone that show a high efficacy even when these activities--though definitely a part of our lives-- are not completely constant.

Elimination Communication: How it's going

In a word: well. In three words: Incredibly, surprisingly well. While I had lapsed for a week or so after I wrote the last post, diving into Diaper Free: The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene by Ingrid Bauer proved to be just the inspiration I needed to get back into it. And while it took us a little while to get reattuned to Eden's signals, I'm happy to report that it's going really well now.

Per Bauer's book, we picked up a Baby Bjorn infant potty for less than $10 on Amazon and we LOVE it. While we occasionally still use the toilet or even a sink depending on what's handy, this sturdy, ergonomically-shaped little potty can travel room to room with us, and it's also good to give Eden a consistent place to go. However, we've even embraced wholeheartedly the idea of pottying her while out and about. Previously we'd only been EC'ing at home, but recently we've taken her to potty when it was convenient (the ladies' room at a restaurant, a friend's bathroom, the great outdoors while we were out for a walk) and it had gone so well that I wondered why we hadn't been doing it all along. After all, grownups go to the bathroom when they're out and about without resorting to crapping in their pants--why should it be any different for babies?

What I do is put Eden on the potty and cue her to go just before we leave the house. Then, if she's showing any signs of fussiness before or when we get to our first destination, I put her on her "travel bowl". I also put her on when we come out of a store or if I nurse her while we're out. While it might sound like a lot of trouble, pulling down her pants and putting her on a bowl is actually less trouble to me than listening to her fuss when she has to go, cry hysterically when she's wet, and attempt to change her wet or dirty diaper in her carseat while she's frantically wiggling--not to mention then taking care of the dirty diaper.

While she occasionally wears a diaper during her fussy time in the evenings or on a long outing, for the most part, she's wearing these 2T training pants (a little baggy, but comfy and absorbent). For clothing, dresses were an easy option in the summer, and her sleep sacks are nice at night (though she hasn't gone at night since she was about a month old, but they're good for those early-morning piddles), but pants are a good easy-up-and-down option too, especially now that the weather is cooler. Some sleepers have snaps that allow strategic access; some don't unsnap in a helpful location, and some have zippers (which require getting her totally undressed to go to the bathroom--fairly impractical). So pants and undies are what she wears most of the time. When we're outside on a walk or coming and going from somewhere, it's incredibly easy to squat down with her, slide her pants down a little, and pee her in the grass. Probably not an option during a cold midwestern winter, though!

So how do we know when she needs to go? Timing is one way: we always put her on the potty and make her "psssss" cueing noise when she first wakes up and right after she eats. I've found that if I have her in a carrier during a nap and pay attention to when she first starts to seem restless, I can often potty her without completely waking her up, and she'll return to sleep and sleep another 30 minutes or so. This wasn't the case with diapers, when she would wake up wet, angry, and have to be changed and wiped (and thus fully awakened). We also pay attention to when she seems distressed, wiggly, or even just distracted--she'll be playing with toys or breastfeeding and suddenly get a faraway look in her eyes, and generally it means she needs to go potty. Sometimes it's just been awhile and it seems like she might need to go. And every once in awhile, as I'd read but not quite believed in various accounts of EC--I just "know" she needs to go. Finally, in addition to the obvious timing of peeing when she wakes up or eats, she has her own patterns that I've come to know. She seems to have a few distinct "wringing out" periods during the day when she'll go as often as every 20 minutes. One occurs around 11am, another sometime between 2:30 and 5, and another shortly before she goes to bed. We try to be especially conscientious about watching her signals and just frequently putting her on the potty during those times. As a result, the rest of the day tends to be pretty predictably dry, so we often take her on walks or even short trips without needing a diaper bag!

At home, we average about 1-3 "misses" per day. These might be times when I don't get a clear signal from her, or times when I miss it because I'm distracted (I've gotten peed on a number of times while talking on the phone or watching a movie. Once, even, while writing this post). She's even pottied when friends of ours are watching her. There are also times when our signals are fine but we end up with a wet lap or bed because we spill the potty or don't get her on at the right angle. However--I'll take my accidents when her pee and poop are totally benign, versus when she's two or three and eating solid foods!

Home girl

Matt and I recently made the decision to try to keep Eden as close to home as much as possible. While we've always been big fans of long country drives, Eden decidedly is not. When she was a newborn, she'd sleep peacefully in her carseat, but that time is no more. She's been growing progressively more agitated in her carseat for the past several weeks, and after a car trip out to Shenandoah during which she screamed at an ear-splitting volume for over an hour, we've decided it's in everybody's best interest to limit ourselves to things within walking distance as much as possible.

And that's really fine with us. We like to be at home and we knew that having a baby was going to change things. The big difference is that where we previously ran all of our errands together, now one of us will likely end up staying home with Eden. But it's probably best for her health anyway, and we know it's best for her comfort. And we know it won't last forever.

I'm pleased to announce

...the ringing in of a new era.

Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in six months...my rings fit again!

Stuff we love: Rescue Sleep Remedy

I'll be the first one to admit that the philosophy behind the Bach Flower Essences sounds pretty wacky to me. Unnamed substances distilled from flowers used to balance complex emotional problems? Kind of farfetched even for people like us. But when we tried them ourselves about a year ago, we were particularly pleased with the results of Rescue Sleep, which we found calming and sleep-enhancing.

So it's only natural (at least for us) that when we found ourselves with a restless, fussy baby, we gave a couple of squirts to her. It stopped her crying, anyway, as she tasted it with a funny and amazed look on her face. It didn't knock her flat out or anything, but within minutes, she was calmer, and then--asleep. Over the past few months, we've repeated the process a number of times a week and always been really impressed with the results. Even with her teething pain, we've actually found it to be more effective in calming her down than Hyland's Teething Tablets, a homeopathic remedy lots of parents rave about.

It could be the flower essences, or it could be the 27% alcohol solution they're preserved in (grape brandy, to be exact--and brandy is a time-honored remedy for teething babies). Either way, I'm not arguing with success. The bottle runs around $8-10 and lasted us over a year with occasional use; the next one will probably only last about half that long or less, since we're using it more often with Eden. Still, probably not much more expensive than something like Children's Tylenol, and we don't like the idea of giving our baby drugs unless absolutely necessary (and that stance finds more support every day). We get it at Whole Foods, but you can also order it online. Amazon has it for under $8 with free shipping! And right now, Mambo Sprouts is offering a $2 off coupon. Effective, natural, and a coupon to boot--what more do you need to know?

Krill oil: My cure for baby eczema

A number of weeks ago, to my dismay, Eden started developing rough, red patches of eczema on her arms and legs. Having struggled with various bouts of itchy scaly skin throughout my life, I had hoped she would be spared. Alas, she apparently was not. I rubbed coconut oil on it in vain--while it might have kept it a little softer, the angry pink outlines were still there.

It wasn't until a bottle of Omega-3 krill oil capsules arrived in the mail from my mom that I had an epiphany. I'd taken either fish oil or cod liver oil pills throughout the pregnancy, and had continued doing so since Eden was born. However, I get them through my mom, who is some kind of vitamin dealer, and I had run out and was waiting for her to send more. It wasn't until I started up again that I realized that the period during which I'd run out was exactly when Eden had developed her skin trouble. I hardly dared to hope that taking them again would rectify the problem, but it did! Within about a week after starting up again, her patches of eczema were all totally gone, and so far they haven't recurred. I'm convinced that was what did the trick, since it was the only thing about our diet and lifestyle that changed--both when she flared up and when it went away. Below you can see the difference:

The great thing about breastfeeding is that I don't have to try to figure out how to get her to take fish oil--just take it myself. But when she strikes out on her own, foodwise, you can bet that I'll be sure to figure out a way to do so.

Natural remedies for breastfeeding first aid

Michele at Frugal Granola has a great post up about how to create a natural Breastfeeding First Aid kit and her experiences with clogged milk ducts. I am crossing my fingers and feeling fortunate that I haven't had to deal with these yet, but based on the experiences of other nurses I work with (we don't exactly get predictable--or even regular--breaks sometimes), I know it's probably only a matter of time, and so I've bookmarked this excellent resource! I love Michele's blog because it lives up to its name: affordable, natural solutions to all kinds of issues in family life.

Natural Baby Essential: Coconut oil

Image by JPhilipson

Matt and I are all about products that do double, triple, or quadruple duty. Particularly those that are a single ingredient. Like baking soda--aka deodorant, toothpaste, kitchen cleanser, catbox deodorizer, stain remover, etc etc. Since we've had a baby, coconut oil has become one of those.

Eden's never really had what I would consider a full-blown diaper rash, but every once in awhile her butt will start to look a little red. We were using Burt's Bees Diaper Ointment, which worked beautifully and smelled wonderful, for the first month. Then all of a sudden one day I put it on her--no broken skin and no more red than usual--and she screamed absolutely bloody murder and would not stop. Assuming it had to be the cream, I quickly washed it off and she eventually settled down. We tried it one more time, just to be sure that was it, and sure enough--the same thing. She obviously developed some kind of sensitivity to one or more ingredients in the product--which was a shame, because we really liked it, but there was nothing we could do.

So we were on the hunt for something new. We'd obtained some refined coconut oil (basically it's processed and flavorless and cheaper than the raw or virgin coconut oil that's pricier and healthier) when I was pregnant in an effort to help slow stretch marks (it didn't work, but it is a wonderful moisturizer). I decided to try some of that on Eden since when I'd used it, I had appreciated how quickly it melted into my skin without making it feel greasy. Anything oily or greasy (like zinc oxide or petroleum-based balms) are a concern with cloth diapers because they can cause the diapers to repel water, which leads to leakage.

It worked beautifully. We applied a little coconut oil (easy because it's sort of a soft solid when you scoop it out, then melts at body temperature and soaks right in) to the red areas with each diaper change and by the next day, all traces of redness were gone. We've been using it for over a month now and it's shown no signs of causing problems with her diapers, and usually clears up her skin overnight.

Eden also developed a case of baby acne around 4 weeks old, which didn't seem to bother her much, but was something of a bummer to me, since she'd had such lovely creamy baby skin. I'd read that 4 weeks is a common time to develop it, and that it nearly always clears on its own by about six weeks, but I noticed that heat, drool, and dry skin seemed to exacerbate it and so though it might seem counterintuitive, I rubbed a little coconut oil on her cheeks in an effort to help her skin balance out. Sure enough, by six weeks her skin was beautiful and clear. I think it probably would have cleared up by itself anyway, but it seemed like the rough texture was improved by applying the coconut oil once or twice a day. Her cheeks still tend toward dryness and so I usually apply it to her face every morning and after a bath, and these days she looks like an "after" model for Clearisil.

We also use the coconut oil as an allover moisturizer after her bath, and I know some people swear by putting a dollop in the bathwater as well. We wash her in our bathtub and so since we don't want to slip and break our necks on an oily floor, we tend to avoid that measure. But as a moisturizer, it's effective, surprisingly nongreasy, and happily, completely nontoxic--so when she puts her hands in her mouth immediately after we apply it, we don't have to anxiously scan a list of ingredients to make sure she's not eating poison. It has just one ingredient, which we love.

Lastly, Eden has a tendency to develop a dry and occasionally flaky scalp--and I've found it helps quite a bit to rub some coconut oil into her head before she gets in the bathtub. In the tub, I just rub her head with a wet washcloth and that's it (no soap). Afterward, I rub in a little more coconut oil and she's good to go. Her hair and scalp never look or feel greasy--just soft.

We received ours from a generous friend who had it on hand, but there are a number of sources for coconut oil on the internet or at health food stores. You can get a 14-oz jar from Amazon for about $7 shipped. It also makes an easy and flavorless cooking oil. What we've done is take a larger batch and scoop it out into smaller containers--like baby food jars--so that we can have one in the kitchen, a small one by the changing table, one in the bathroom, etc. I usually scoop it into a jar and then microwave until it melts, then re-solidifies into a smooth block.

Relatively cheap, completely nontoxic, extremely effective, and very multipurpose--we're sold.

Baby love

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it's like to love a baby or a child. People tend to speak of it like it's something concrete and universal, things like you'll love them more than you ever thought possible or you'll fall in love with them immediately or you'll love them more than you've ever loved anybody, but I think it's probably more individual than that. The rate, depth, and expression of falling in love with a new baby are probably different for every family.

For example, many women speak of the overwhelming sense of emotion and besottedness they feel with their newborn from the moment of birth. Natural-birth advocates in particular speak of the cocktail of "love hormones" that promote deep and immediate attachment between mother and baby. Perhaps because I went into labor at 38 weeks and it only lasted about two hours, and so I hadn't yet had time to get my mind around the idea that hey, we're having a baby, not only soon but today, not just today but before breakfast time!, the most powerful feeling I had when I first held Eden was that of being completely stunned. Stunned that birth was over (heck, that it had even started!), that she was here, that she was a "she," that pregnancy was no more and her life was beginning. I remember looking at her and thinking that she looked right to me, like she belonged to our family, and feeling protective of her in the sense that I thought that we needed to get her a hat and a blanket and warm her up, but there was still a certain sense of disbelief that she was actually mine. It was only looking back at it a couple of weeks later, once I'd had a chance to get to know her, that that scene became infused with a new tenderness for me. It's a lot like looking back at my first dates with Matt--superimposed over the awkwardness that was actually there is a powerful sense of nostalgia and fondness born of what was yet to come.

There are also those who say that romantic or marital love "pale in comparison" with how powerfully one loves a child. I have to say that I honestly don't feel like Matt's and my love pales in comparison with anything. Instead, having Eden together has opened up all kinds of new things for me to love about Matt--how attentively he took care of both of us in the first hours, days, and weeks after birth, and still does; how much joy he gets from our daughter; his concern for her wellbeing. While I adore Eden--her baby smiles, curling up with her on the couch while she contentedly nurses--how can I adore any less the person who bustles around, cooking dinner and cleaning, so that she and I are completely free to do that?

On the other hand, it is very different from romantic love--in which you get to know someone incredibly well, then choose to make them part of your family. With a baby, you choose to add them to your family, they come to live in your house, and then you spend the next years getting to know them. I've also considered how crazy it will feel when Eden starts to talk. So far, I've gotten to know her as this being who definitely communicates, but does not speak--a lot like our cats. I imagine that her beginning to talk will feel something like if one of the cats opened its mouth and spoke words one day--a sense of "I never knew you could do that!"

Becoming a parent and falling in love with my baby have been different for me than the way they're described by many people. Just as it's nothing I could have really understood for myself before doing it, it's nothing that anybody else could prepare me for, either. And for me, that's part of the beauty of it--that out of the uniqueness of my relationship with Matt, we're creating a family dynamic that's also one of a kind.

Heavy

...is how taking care of Eden has felt in the past day or so. Mainly I mean this literally--she's probably at least a good 13 lbs or so now now and that is a LOT to have hanging off your body all day and night. Which, most of the time, she is--either being held, worn in the Ergo, or nursed. One the one hand, I love that she's a snuggly baby and likes to be held, and we believe pretty closely in most principles and applications of attachment parenting. On the other hand, I have a permanent crick in my upper back, and I've gotten so used to holding her all the time that even when I'm not, I catch myself picking things up off the floor with my toes. It feels so good when I finally get to straighten up and stretch--when for a minute, I'm just one body--and when I do, I sometimes realize it's the first time I've done so all day.

Part of this is my fault. I've gotten used to doing things in a decidedly un-ergonomic fashion (such as way too much time spent holding Eden in one arm, cradling the phone against my neck, and using my other hand to change over laundry/type with one hand/make dinner etc) and I should probably work on that. She also seems to be in a very high-needs period right now (my own mother would likely point out that if she's anything like me, that "period" will last anywhere from three to twenty-three years) and so my approach for this week, at least, is to pick out the top two or three things I need to get done in each day, do those while she takes her naps, and then just try to focus on Eden.

For today: register for classes (done), take a quiz (next), and vacuum (saving that for when she gets fussy because it usually puts her to sleep). Anything beyond that is a bonus but I'm not going to sweat it. Instead, I'm going to do everything I can to try to enjoy my baby--and, barring that, at least to fully be there for her.

There's also a certain level on which things sometimes feel heavy in a more figurative sense. Remembering that we can't just dash off for the day because there are those among us who hate their carseats and can go through a dozen diapers in the space of a morning. Having three in the bed, which is almost always cozy but every so often feels crowded instead. Never making it through a meal without someone else yelping to be fed (no matter how recently this just occurred) in the middle. I feel so incredibly lucky that she has another loving, caring, attentive parent who is ready and willing to jump in and totally take over at moments like that. Thank you, Matt. I don't know how any mother--especially one with a more demanding baby than Eden, which I think most are--does it without a Matt.

On the other hand, when I do go away, like to work, I miss her so much. I never understood how a person could really miss a baby (miss what? their stimulating viewpoints?), but I do now. I miss her soft, fuzzy head and her gummy (and occasional) smiles and her heartbreakingly plump and squishy cheeks. And I guess that's what it's all about.

Elimination Communication

Matt and I had talked before Eden was born about the idea of trying out Elimination Communication (EC)--also known as diaper-free, or natural infant hygiene. Basically the premise is that you learn to recognize your baby's cues when s/he is about to go to the bathroom, and you put them on the toilet or another receptacle.

Well, believe it or not, we got busy during the first six weeks and didn't get a chance to try it. I'll admit I was also a little skeptical--on EC websites and message boards, moms are always singing the praises of how well it works. Come on, we thought--how well could it really work?

Really, quite well, as a matter of fact. We started last weekend with Eden, and we use an old plastic cereal bowl--now marked with a "P" on the bottom, for pee/poop/potty--because she's still too small and wobbly to comfortably hold over the toilet. Plus, it's easier to take the bowl wherever we are (the bedroom, the living room) as opposed to running into the bathroom every time we think she might need to go. We don't tend to bother with it when we're out and about, but when I'm home with her during the day, she probably does 2/3 of her pees and all of her poops that way. It was incredibly easy to get started, and while it's probably more work for me than just changing and washing diapers, she's always hated to be in a wet diaper, even for a little while, so it's cut down on the amount of time she has to do that. It's also significantly reduced our diaper laundry, but that was only a load a day anyway, so it was no big deal.

Here is a great article by Sarah Buckley called "Mothering, Mindfulness, and a Baby's Bottom," in which she explains more about various aspects of the practice. While it might seem new-agey and crazy to some, it's actually how native cultures have dealt with infant elimination for thousands of years. We enjoy the insight into what's going on with Eden--what we thought before was unexplained fussiness is actually almost always the signal that she's going to go to the bathroom. I can usually tell by watching her face when she's on the bowl whether she's done or not--watery eyes, flared nostrils, puckering her lips like she's whistling are all signs that she's still got more to go. I usually sit cross-legged with the bowl on my lap and either hold her under her arms or cradle her (sometimes nursing her), and both work well. When she's done, I dab her off with a cloth wipe, rinse the bowl into the toilet, and dry it out for next time.

Here are some other good sites if you're interested in giving it a try:

Elimination Communication Positions
Diaper-Free Baby
Potty Whisperer

Postpartum: Life AFTER life after birth control

One of my midwifery professors calls it "the forgotten period," due mainly to the fact that in traditional obstetrical management, a new mother doesn't see her care provider again until six weeks after giving birth. Plus, it somewhat lacks the excitement and novelty of pregnancy and birth. Rixa at Stand and Deliver, who had a baby herself not long ago at all, recently opened an honest discussion of feeling "dumpy and frumpy in one's postpartum body." I was still pregnant when she posted it (5 days before I had Eden), and so I admit most of my attention was taken in by this excerpt:

For the first few weeks after giving birth, I feel incredibly attractive. Every day, especially during the first week, I look thinner and more shapely. My breasts get bigger, my stomach gets smaller, and when I see myself in the mirror each morning, I think, "Wow! I look good!"

I find newly postpartum bodies incredibly beautiful. Very feminine--or perhaps the better word is womanly. I love the empty, rounded belly; the soft bread-dough skin; the flush of hormones.

It seemed too good to be true. But like a prophecy, that was pretty much how I felt in the days after giving birth. Losing 32 pounds in under a week (10-lb baby, 3-lb placenta, and evidently about 19 lbs of fluid) didn't hurt at all, and neither did getting back those ankle bones I'd been pining for.

Rixa went on to say that a few weeks later, the dramatic body changes hit pause for awhile, and she's left feeling less than pleased with her appearance. By way of perspective, though, she posted a link a couple of days later to an article entitled "Maternity leave--or reprieve?" in which the author calls for the "need to respect the time parents spend with newborns." The author notes, "It would be a shame to lose reverence for those gentle, maddening months after a child is born, when you are in a sleep-drained reverie, stitched to a baby's rhythms and sweet suckling; when you watch them unfurl, watch their eyes focus on the world, their lips curl into smiles, their startled limbs jerk and then grow strong."

So, right now, are the days of our lives. While I am getting past the honeymoon stage of no longer being pregnant, and I am struggling a little to come to peace with the idea of all the things about my body that will never quite be the same, I'm also inclined to marvel that the price of creating human life--of suddenly producing into our living room a whole new ten-pound being, our daughter--isn't in fact any steeper. And I try to remember to be amazed, as well, at what my body can do: create a baby, efficiently discharge a baby, and now continue to feed and nourish a baby (no less, after being up all night with said baby).

And on the whole, I've felt remarkably good: despite the exhaustion, optimistic and energetic the majority of the time. The day Eden was born, we took her for her first walk outside; my coworkers are still surprised that I haven't felt at all teary or bluesy since she was born. The closest I've come was a surprising torrent of tears when we buried the placenta, when she was a little over a week old. I think in large part that was because of the sense of closure it gave me, the feeling that this pregnancy and birth--which were such a wild and beautiful and spiritual adventure--were really over. As Matt put it, "You've put so much work into this pregnancy and this birth, and growing such a good strong baby--and now all of that seems like it's forgotten." Not that I'm not overjoyed to be moving on to the next step, because I am, but goodbyes, for me, are always hard.

Other than that, though, I'm doing my best to identify with and take comfort in the final sentence of the previous article:

When you delight in the life you have created, it becomes a lot less important to get your own life back the very next day.

Then here's to delight.

Ode to my cloth pads

I have a lot to catch up on with this blog--Eden's birth story, for one, but also all of the postpartum-y things I've become intimately aware are part of "life after birth control"--but I can't help myself from taking the quick opportunity while Eden is sleeping to share my deep and abiding passion for cloth postpartum pads. Matt and I were actually cutting them out (loosely following this pattern, but there are tons of others out there) before we went to bed the night I went into labor, so obviously we didn't have time to sew them ("we" meaning "Matt" because I can't sew) by the time I gave birth. I was almost ready to throw in the towel and just keep using disposables, as my motivation was largely environmental and I figured the planet would understand, just this once--but Matt, bless his heart, sat down a few days ago and finished them, and I am now the proud owner of about 16 of the softest fleece-backed flannel pads with snaps on the wings that I have ever seen. The comfort is absolutely out of this world--to go from feeling like I was wearing a crinkly, sweaty, leaky plastic diaper and being constantly aware of that fact to being essentially unaware of the whisper-soft flannel lying absorbently next to my skin is one of the closest things I know of to postpartum heaven. They're slim, they're soft, they breathe, and they don't leak!

I'm sure the next question on everyone's mind is what you do with a used cloth postpartum pad. We've rigged up a nice system wherein we have a 1-gallon bucket under the bathroom sink that has several inches of water and a splash of Biz thrown in (upon my mother's recommendation, Biz is about the only thing we can find that gets out tough "human" stains like blood, sweat, and ring around the collar; we figure that in our largely chemical-free lifestyle, it's a concession we can make). I put the used pads in there and then dump the bucket in the wash when it's full. A little Biz and laundry detergent gets them sparkling clean again.

Plus, at $16-23 a pop to buy cloth pads (which you can do on Etsy or many other places if you don't have a sewing-inclined husband), we've saved literally hundreds of dollars by making them at home from a flannel sheet we got at Goodwill for a couple of dollars, a fleece blanket we picked up at KMart, and snaps we got for under $2. Plus, they were custom-made by my loving husband. It just doesn't get better than that!

38 weeks: Here she is!

And not a moment too soon, considering that Eden Leah weighed 10 lbs and 2 oz at birth--following one of the fastest and most intense first-time labors I've ever seen! More on that later, but in the meantime, we're resting up, cleaning up, and enjoying our little girl.

37 weeks: belly casting!

One of the members of my birth team was kind enough to bring things over yesterday to do a belly casting (as well as an aromatherapy foot bath)! We had a great time doing it and I think it turned out really well. Here's a photo of the process, plus front and side views of the finished cast: