Life After Birth Control

Eden's weaning story: Nursing while pregnant

2011-04-09T20:36:00.007-04:00

A collage of nursing Eden--from birth to weaning

I got pregnant when Eden was around 14 months old. My fertility returned somewhat hesitantly (with few, irregular periods and spotty ovulation) at that point, and I'm convinced that it did so mainly because I was working 40+ hours outside the home at that point. Had she and I still been together nonstop during the day, I'm pretty sure it would have stayed away longer. Consider me impressed with the lactational amenorrhea method! However, we were ready and excited for another baby by that point, and so we were fertility charting and hoping for the pregnancy which did come shortly thereafter.

At that point, Eden was a hearty eater of table food, but also still an enthusiastic nurser and still getting a pretty decent amount of breastmilk when we were together. I felt like I'd entered the golden age of nursing: I didn't have to pump when we were away from each other, but I had plenty of milk when she wanted it. Nursing was perhaps equal parts nutrition and comfort, and especially when she occasionally got sick (which we noticed happening more frequently as she was relying less on breastmilk), I was grateful to have an easily tolerated, readily acceptable, always-available source of nutrition, immunities, and electrolytes for her.

Eden's first bout with the stomach flu--during which she couldn't keep down anything but breastmilk

I'd read many accounts of nursing while pregnant, and it seemed like most women described a) a feeling of restlessness/fidgetiness/general discomfort at some point while nursing; and b) that their milk supply dried up, if not totally, at least considerably, around 20 weeks of pregnancy. I also read many accounts of women who were just beginning their NWP journey who expressed hope that neither of these things would happen to them, since there were occasionally stories of women who nursed without discomfort or decline in milk supply up until their new baby was born. (There were, however, far more stories of those who developed tactics for nursing through the discomfort/decreased milk supply.) I was one of the hopeful ones. And for the first trimester and a half, nursing continued as usual, and Eden was very attached to it, since at that point I was doing full-time midwifery clinicals and gone for long, unpredictable stretches at any hour of the day or night. Nursing was a quick and foolproof way for us to reconnect when I was home, for however long that might be.

Around the time I finished school and we moved back to the midwest, though, I was starting to experience exactly the restless feelings described by so many other pregnant and nursing moms. The best way I can describe it is that to say before Eden was born, I had worried that nursing would feel squeamish or strange or too sensitive. Up until my second pregnancy, I never had a moment of feeling like this. Some soreness and tenderness at the very beginning, but it always felt very comfortable and natural--much to my pleasant surprise. Around the 20 week mark, though--at which time my milk did also dry up--it did start to feel...not exactly painful, although a little bit, but more sort of strange and uncomfortable, like I was too aware of every little sensation. We had basically cut down to just a quick nursing before naps and bedtime, and before long, I had cut that down to literally less than a minute at a time.

At that point, I stepped back and thought about where we were at on our nursing journey, and since the milk was essentially gone and she was nursing for connection and comfort (and it was causing me such extreme discomfort, making it difficult for me to feel much connection through it), it made sense to me for us to take the time before the new baby came to find other ways for comfort and connection. I realize I am in an incredibly fortunate position to be able to afford a nutritious and complete diet for my child (not true of toddlers in much of the world) and to have a toddler who eats heartily and enthusiastically, anything from beef stew to sauerkraut to carrots and apples and cottage cheese (not true of toddlers in much of the United States). I didn't like the idea of just "suffering through it," (though my hat goes off to those who do--it just didn't feel like the right solution for us), or limiting her so sharply in what she relied on for security. I'd also read of people who endured the pregnancy nursing in hopes of tandem nursing, only to find that it was just too uncomfortable/demanding for them to nurse two children at once. I too had originally hoped and planned to tandem nurse Eden and this next baby, since I'd always assumed I'd nurse her until age two or beyond and she would only be 22 months when the new baby was born. However, considering that I might find myself in a situation of feeling like I needed to abruptly wean her at a sensitive time when she needed me most made me rethink that plan. Instead, I decided to focus on filling her needs in other ways while she was still an only child, so that by the time her little brother or sister came along, we were well established in a pattern of connection without nursing.

I was also open to her leading throughout the process. Had she shown much resistance to it, I would have reconsidered; and it was always my position that if she wanted to resume nursing when the baby was born and my milk came back, I was open to it.

Weaning was rather uneventful and gradual; since we were down to just one or two times a day, before bed, I started rocking and singing to her instead. The first couple of days she reached for my shirt like she wanted to nurse, but she gave in easily and rested her head on my chest instead when I declined. I don't think she ever cried for it or really acted upset; she seemed to take the change in stride. As a result, I don't really remember when her last nursing was, and I think I like it that way. I do know that it was sometime in January, so she was about 19 months old or so. Rather earlier than I had anticipated, but it seemed to feel right and natural for us.

A few times in the weeks and months following when she stopped nursing, she asked to nurse again, and I would let her try. In those times, she seemed to have literally forgotten how. She would try, look up at me, pat my chest, then rest her head on it and say "hi," which was kind of her universal "I love you." It was really very endearing, and made me feel like she knew it was there if she needed it, but that she really didn't need it anymore.

Incidentally, shortly before the weaning we had started putting her to sleep in her own bed in a different room. It was nothing we had intended; when we lived in temporary housing, she slept on a folding bed next to ours simply because our double bed wasn't big enough for a grown man, a pregnant woman, and an active toddler. However, we'd intended to keep her in our room indefinitely, and possibly even co-sleep with both her and the new baby. Once again, life had other plans, and once we moved to the midwest, she was sleeping poorly in our room and waking up frequently throughout the night. As a last resort, we tried putting her to sleep in the next room--and with few exceptions, she's slept peacefully through the night ever since. Another example of how parenthood doesn't always conform to your expectations!

Thinking about it now, I think the timing for both of those things was right for us and right for her. One of the best pieces of parenting advice I've heard (I think it was from Dr Sears) is that if you feel resentful about something in parenting, change it. I wasn't feeling exactly resentful of nursing, but it wasn't mutually rewarding anymore, either; and in terms of switching her to her own room, we were starting to feel pretty impatient with the interruption in sleep. The other thing is that Eden has always been a fairly strong-willed child, but she acquiesced to weaning and sleeping in her own bed literally without a whimper around the age of 18-20 months. Nowadays, I think either of those changes would be much harder than they were back then. She's a strongly opinionated almost-two-year-old who has definite ideas about everything from where everyone should sit at meals to what cup she wants to drink out of to who she wants to take her to the potty or get her dressed after bathtime.

While I 1000% support mothers whose nursing relationship lasts considerably longer than mine and Eden's did, I do notice that among those nursing older toddlers, there are some (many?) mothers who begin to feel impatient for weaning but finds herself with a clash of wills on her hands when it comes to going about it. In our case, for our particular situation, while I do have the occasional bittersweet moments when I realize that that chapter of our relationship is closed, I also feel like even bigger doors have opened for us (not as a result of weaning, but just of her growing up in general) and that it was a move in the right direction. I feel grateful that we caught the window where it seems like the timing was easiest on her and on us, and I also feel good about how we balanced the needs of everyone in the family--a juggling act that will become more necessary as we add more kids to the clan. I can only hope that future parenting milestones can go as smoothly--and that we can remember to be flexible with our own family, and understanding of those families whose journeys look different than ours.

Eden and me and the new baby and "Pink Baby"

Once again, this is just my experience. Other posts and perspectives on weaning and/or nursing while pregnant:

Breastfeeding while pregnant: Trying at times, but ultimately worth it (includes several links)
Breastfeeding through pregnancy: Third trimester update
The last time I breastfed
Nursing during pregnancy and tandem nursing (several links as well)

Fun calculators

2010-04-26T14:28:00.003-04:00

Here are calculators you can use to figure out how much you save (or would save) by breastfeeding and/or cloth diapering. It doesn't even touch the health benefits, though, which are the main reason we do both. Love it!

Breastfeeding calculator

Cloth diapering calculator

...or not.

2010-04-26T14:07:00.004-04:00

Shortly after my last post, Eden developed a bout of slimy green diarrhea (well, it was)! that made me decide to basically exclusively breastfeed her again. Like clockwork, once she cut out table food, the temps and cervical fluid that had been slowly creeping toward fertile immediately slammed on the brakes, and my fertility went right back into hibernation. Really, it's pretty neat that our bodies are able to do such an abrupt about-face and send the message that "Hey, seems like your first baby needs all of your attention right now! Ixnay on the new conception!" While I'm pleased to report that two weeks and countless blowouts later, her poops have returned to normal (sans medical intervention or input), my period still seems to be in hiding. Ah, well. We'll take that as meant to be for now.

Getting back on the menstrual cycle

2010-03-05T16:38:00.003-05:00

My period is back. Which means that a burning question I've had has been answered. "Can I use my old Keeper cup after I give birth?" Because they come in two sizes, A for After birth and B for Before. I bought my B keeper just a couple of months before I got pregant, and was bummed that I might have to buy another one after Eden was born. Thanks to the wonders of lactational amenorrhea, I haven't had to find out. However, at around 7.5 months of age, we started to introduce a decent amount of table food into Eden's diet (more on that later), and sure enough, the consistency of my cervical fluid started to change, and I got the feeling (you know, a crampy, back-achey, pelvic-pressure-ey feeling) that I was going to get a period soon. Just like that, one arrived shortly after, and I'm pleased to report that YES, my old Keeper works just fine, and if I can say that after a 10 lb vaginal birth, I'm pretty sure anybody else should at least go ahead and give it a try.

Anyway, the timing of my period coming back is interesting because lately we've been talking about having another baby. We've known for a long time that if we got to choose, we'd like our next one sooner rather than later. We'd love it if Eden doesn't get too attached to the idea of being the center of everybody's universe (only child, only grandchild) for too long, and we'd also like for her to grow up with somebody close in age. Even so, however, around six months, the idea of adding another baby still seemed crazy and overwhelming. Now? Not so much. Eden is so interactive and mobile that she hardly seems like a baby anymore. She seems like a little kid. We're starting to feel like parenting is normal, second nature, and not such a conscious balancing act. However, at the time we were discussing all this, there was no sign of my fertility returning, and so we'd resigned ourselves to waiting until it did (many LAM'rs report infertile phases of up to 15 months or more), feeling that it would come back along right when it was meant to. And, lo and behold, here it is. We'll see what happens next.

Breastfeeding fashion: What works for me

2009-12-16T10:23:00.001-05:00

Since I'm planning to breastfeed Eden for a long time, probably into an overlap with our next baby, it was imperative to me that I find a breastfeeding wardrobe that was comfortable and efficient as soon as possible.

I started out wearing my maternity tops, since they were what fit best postpartum anyway. Even once the maternity shirts got put away, I continued to use t hese maternity/nursing tank tops from Walmart, which were cheap and surprisingly durable. (I bought one in white and one in black--mediums--and for size reference, I was 140lbs/B cup prior to pregnancy, 190lbs/D cup while pregnant.) While many commenters noted the annoyance of having the strap fly away after unsnapping it (vs more expensive nursing tanks, such as the ever-popular Bravado, which feature a strap which anchors everything nearby), I found them stretchy enough to just pull down for nursing, as opposed to having to actually unsnap them. I was also lucky enough to get a couple of Bravado tanks as hand-me-downs, and they are awesome--flattering, sturdy, stretchy. They're $45 a pop new (though you can often find them for less on eBay, Craigslist, etc). They do contain a very supportive internal bra (vs just a shelf bra on other tanks/camis, although I have found a shelf bra to be plenty, even at my new cup size), and so while $45 for a tank seems like a lot, if you use it like I do as the foundation to bridge your regular wardrobe into a nursing wardrobe, it might not be so bad.

As far as a nursing bra, I had ordered one of these from Walmart.com and wore it toward the end of my pregnancy. I found it supportive (if with somewhat unnecessarily wide straps--but it was comfortable) though some sort of hidden tag or something left the middle of my back itching like crazy, but that could have just been a fluke. Early on I decided a nursing bra was too much to fumble with, and since it was summer, I was largely wearing my tank tops and camisoles anyway, and so I started wearing those either alone or under another top, basically using them like a nursing bra. Worked like a charm and saved a ton of money!

A few weeks postpartum I invested in some nursing tops from Expressiva. We were taking Eden to church and other places where being able to breastfeed easily and somewhat discreetly was nice. While I can't speak highly enough about doing business with Expressiva, as they're great with returns and exchanges and ship quickly (and props to them for their organic line), I did find much of the clothing to be overly heavy (for many of the shirts, the "nursing option" is a whole second layer of cloth with boob cutouts) and actually somewhat more awkward than just pulling down a regular (V-neck or stretchy) shirt. (Especially if I was also wearing the nursing bra.) Getting the second layer to lie right without looking awkwardly bunchy (like I had a dishtowel under my shirt) , not to mention fishing through the hidden openings to try to hook and unhook a nursing bra with one hand, wasn't easy and usually wound up taking more effort and drawing more attention to myself than the simple maneuver I used with regular shirts. Unfortunately, as a result, I've largely quit wearing them and will probably go ahead and Craigslist them soon.

As noted above, I've now evolved into a system that is based around wearing either one of my hand-me-down Bravado tanks, maternity tanks, OR any reasonably stretchy camisole with a shelf or other built-in bra (I have a number of my sister's castoffs from American Eagle, Express, Target, Maurice's; you can also get them at Walmart.com--never thought I'd be their spokesperson!--for around $5 apiece) under either a top that is a) stretchy, b) low-cut, c) V-neck, or d) button-down; OR under any other top that is loose enough to pull up from the bottom. For the first bunch, I pull the top and the camisole down to nurse, then pull it back. That's it. No snapping, rearranging of layers, or anything like that. Yes, the top of my breast (gasp) is exposed while I nurse, but I'm comfortable with that. For the second group of tops (this includes things like Tshirts and pullover sweaters), I pull the shirt up and the tank down. While not quite as quick and easy as feeding from the top, I like this option for its ability to let me wear a lot of my pre-baby tops without flashing around a bunch of belly and back (which is sort of awkward, and hey, it's December now!).

I'm also lazy and so I like that at the end of the day, I can take off whatever I'm wearing over it and voila: easy nursing pajamas!

If you utilize this system, you can easily take your maternity/pre-maternity wardrobe through nursing with only the addition of a few camisoles (ranging from $5-$45). Compared to $30 and up for a single nursing top, and the fact that this system is overall much more convenient for me, I feel like I've landed on something that really works.

What about breast pads? Personally, I never got used to wearing them. I found them itchy, uncomfortable, and ridiculously obvious under just about anything. I wore While I was sometimes leaky, especially early on, I personally preferred to deal with a few drips on my shirt (which can happen even with breast pads, depending on how messy an eater your baby is) than trying to yank around and readjust uncomfortable breast pads. I also learned quickly, as I'm sure most others do, that clamping my opposite arm over the breast I wasn't feeding with prevents it from spraying through my shirt when my milk lets down. On the whole, I just figure that I am a breastfeeding mother and there is bound to be evidence of it (besides the baby attached to my breast, that is), and I'd just as soon that evidence be milk as giant breast pads showing through my shirt. If I were going to wear them (say if I had a more formal job, and/or an expensive or dry-clean-only wardrobe vs scrubs, tshirts, and tank tops)? I'd definitely go with these wool ones.

From one of my favorite blogs by a breastfeeding mom, her own tips for a breastfeeding wardrobe, along with an excellent post on how to be comfortable around a breastfeeding woman. She's currently breastfeeding a toddler, and is a source of information and interesting anecdotes about that.

Life after....

2009-11-01T11:46:00.006-05:00

photo by wellcome images

Now that Eden is four months old, I figured it was time for a post on the subject that originally launched this blog: natural family planning, or life after birth control.

Coincidentally, I'm currently taking a women's health class (basically, gynecology) in midwifery school right now and am delighted to report that one of our main textbooks, Contraceptive Technology (19th ed.), is far from the dry, medical, and, well, technology-focused tome it might initially appear to be. Instead, it's engagingly written and easy to read, and a book I would recommend for anyone who is or might someday be in the position of considering contraception of some kind. (Which is to say, just about everybody.) The thing that surprised me the most about this book was its unabashed cheerleading for breastfeeding and its respect for natural methods of birth control, such as fertility awareness-based methods, withdrawal (almost as effective as condoms when used correctly--who knew?!), and lactational amenorrhea method (LAM).

While just about any maternity discharge teaching I've ever seen has included the phrase "you CAN get pregnant right after you have a baby, even if you are breastfeeding," and we're all familiar with the argument that pre-ejaculate contains 'millions of sperm,' " along with the joke about couples who use rhythm-based methods (what do you call them? Parents!), this book deconstructs those myths and gives success-rate statistics for all of them. In fact, pregnancy is highly unlikely for the first six months of exclusive breastfeeding (however, you have to understand and practice what is really considered exclusive breastfeeding), pre-ejaculate does not contain sperm, and fertility-based awareness methods are highly effective when practiced correctly. Here are the statistics on these three methods, all of whom share the advantages of being safe, completely free, and relatively effective:

(from Contraceptive Technology, 19th ed., Hatcher et al.) Except for LAM, this information is available from the authors here.

When it comes to breastfeeding, it's generally understood that breastfeeding slows the return of a woman's menstrual periods and therefore suppresses her fertility for a time. This occurs because the hormone prolactin is released during suckling, and prolactin suppresses hormones needed to induce ovulation. This effect has recently been quantified by the lactational amenorrhea method, which consists of the following three questions:

1) Is your baby less than six months old?
2) Is your baby exclusively or very nearly exclusively breastfeeding? (Generally, this means feeding on demand, day and night, no more than 4 hours between feedings during the day and 6 hours at night, with no or very little supplemental substances given.)
3) Are you amenorrheic (no periods since the birth of your baby--or, more specifically, no bleeding after 56 days postpartum)?

If you can answer "yes" to all three questions, your risk of pregnancy is considered to be less than 1%--equal to perfect use of highly effective methods such as the pill, and in fact better than rates of typical use (since you can forget to take a pill much more easily than you can forget to breastfeed your baby).

Here is a good source of information on LAM.

What about when you don't quite meet those criteria, though? Having a four-month-old, I can tell you that those six months after the birth of your baby are going to fly by.

Then what?

Also, what about breastpumping? Can you use lactational amenorrhea if you are pumping? Most sources are very clear that only "very little" supplementation (ie formula or solid foods) are acceptable for maintaining LAM. What if your baby receives no supplementation, but is occasionally or regularly given your breastmilk in a bottle (or spoon, or cup)?

And what if your baby sometimes sleeps through the night?

Obviously the waters get a little bit murkier. It's all well and good for statistical purposes to set rules like the above, but very few of us will meet those criteria for very long. Does that mean we should give up the idea and, perhaps unnecessarily, choose another method?

Pumping is an area most sources don't address directly, and some decry altogether, but it appears as though pumping full-time only drops the success rate of the methods from 98-99% effective to 94-96% effective. Hello! That's still a lot better than typical use of most contraceptives, it's still free, and it gives considerably more leeway to those of us who are pumping some, but not full-time. Personally, I think this is the information to present to women, rather than "No, it doesn't work." If I chose to go it on nothing but LAM, and were pumping all or some of the time--I would be aware that fertility might return sooner, but if I was still feeding breastmilk exclusively and still amenorrheic, I'd be willing to chance it (with some additional precautions--see below).

As someone who works part-time (probably pumping for 6-8 feedings a week) and whose baby sometimes sleeps through the night, whose baby is rapidly approaching the 6-month mark and who has successfully used natural family planning in the past, it seems like combining the methods would be a useful way to extend lactational infertility for the duration of its natural course. As a result, I monitor fertility signals (mainly cervical fluid--though I'm trying to get back in the saddle with basal body temperature (BBT) measurements too) even though I'm still amenorrheic (I find the "65 days postpartum" rule a helpful cutoff since I experienced postpartum lochia for ~6 weeks following birth, a dry spell of about a week, and then a couple more days of spotting--but have been amenorrheic ever since).

In the past month or so, I've had the odd isolated day of stretchy mucus here and there, helpfully pointed out to me by practicing NFP. On those days, we either abstain, or... use the newly-exonerated withdrawal method.

So far, it's a system that has worked well for us. I would love to see studies done on the triangulation of these three methods because I have a hunch that they would be pretty solidly effective, especially in women who are breastfeeding up to a year or two or even three--particularly since these women are likely to be the type who would be interested in safe, natural, and effective birth control which doesn't affect one's milk supply. I also enjoy the liberation of a method that is completely within our control, which involves bodily awareness and cooperation, and which capitalizes on practices that were already important to use anyway. The addition of withdrawal is also a handy one for new parents, who will inevitably find that their "safe days" with NFP don't coincide with the days that the baby falls asleep on time! I should point out that some NFP methods allow using a barrier method OR abstinence on fertile days , others are very fervent about the point that if you choose to use a "backup" method on days you are known or suspected to be fertile, you are not practicing natural family planning. You are relying on the success (or failure) rate of the method you are using (be it condoms or withdrawal or a diaphragm or whatever), making it anything but a backup since you are using it precisely when you are most likely to become pregnant. Meaning that you are looking at the 4-27% rate (depending on how perfect your use is) of withdrawal, not the high rates of success boasted by perfectly-practiced (meaning periodically abstinent) NFP. Clearly, this may not be a method for couples who would not want to risk a pregnancy for whatever reason; however, being as we know that we want more children and have preferences but not absolute contraindications as to when, it works well for us.

The book Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing is an excellent one about what the author calls "ecological breastfeeding," which includes on-demand and through the night but also the concepts of babywearing, near-constant togetherness, and cosleeping as important, the proximity of the baby contributing to hormonal changes which suppress fertility as well. However, she's very strict on these matters, moreso than modern life unfortunately permits for most of us, so I am happy to see statistics on LAM alone that show a high efficacy even when these activities--though definitely a part of our lives-- are not completely constant.

Elimination Communication: How it's going

2009-10-21T13:21:00.002-04:00

In a word: well. In three words: Incredibly, surprisingly well. While I had lapsed for a week or so after I wrote the last post, diving into Diaper Free: The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene by Ingrid Bauer proved to be just the inspiration I needed to get back into it. And while it took us a little while to get reattuned to Eden's signals, I'm happy to report that it's going really well now.

Per Bauer's book, we picked up a Baby Bjorn infant potty for less than $10 on Amazon and we LOVE it. While we occasionally still use the toilet or even a sink depending on what's handy, this sturdy, ergonomically-shaped little potty can travel room to room with us, and it's also good to give Eden a consistent place to go. However, we've even embraced wholeheartedly the idea of pottying her while out and about. Previously we'd only been EC'ing at home, but recently we've taken her to potty when it was convenient (the ladies' room at a restaurant, a friend's bathroom, the great outdoors while we were out for a walk) and it had gone so well that I wondered why we hadn't been doing it all along. After all, grownups go to the bathroom when they're out and about without resorting to crapping in their pants--why should it be any different for babies?

What I do is put Eden on the potty and cue her to go just before we leave the house. Then, if she's showing any signs of fussiness before or when we get to our first destination, I put her on her "travel bowl". I also put her on when we come out of a store or if I nurse her while we're out. While it might sound like a lot of trouble, pulling down her pants and putting her on a bowl is actually less trouble to me than listening to her fuss when she has to go, cry hysterically when she's wet, and attempt to change her wet or dirty diaper in her carseat while she's frantically wiggling--not to mention then taking care of the dirty diaper.

While she occasionally wears a diaper during her fussy time in the evenings or on a long outing, for the most part, she's wearing these 2T training pants (a little baggy, but comfy and absorbent). For clothing, dresses were an easy option in the summer, and her sleep sacks are nice at night (though she hasn't gone at night since she was about a month old, but they're good for those early-morning piddles), but pants are a good easy-up-and-down option too, especially now that the weather is cooler. Some sleepers have snaps that allow strategic access; some don't unsnap in a helpful location, and some have zippers (which require getting her totally undressed to go to the bathroom--fairly impractical). So pants and undies are what she wears most of the time. When we're outside on a walk or coming and going from somewhere, it's incredibly easy to squat down with her, slide her pants down a little, and pee her in the grass. Probably not an option during a cold midwestern winter, though!

So how do we know when she needs to go? Timing is one way: we always put her on the potty and make her "psssss" cueing noise when she first wakes up and right after she eats. I've found that if I have her in a carrier during a nap and pay attention to when she first starts to seem restless, I can often potty her without completely waking her up, and she'll return to sleep and sleep another 30 minutes or so. This wasn't the case with diapers, when she would wake up wet, angry, and have to be changed and wiped (and thus fully awakened). We also pay attention to when she seems distressed, wiggly, or even just distracted--she'll be playing with toys or breastfeeding and suddenly get a faraway look in her eyes, and generally it means she needs to go potty. Sometimes it's just been awhile and it seems like she might need to go. And every once in awhile, as I'd read but not quite believed in various accounts of EC--I just "know" she needs to go. Finally, in addition to the obvious timing of peeing when she wakes up or eats, she has her own patterns that I've come to know. She seems to have a few distinct "wringing out" periods during the day when she'll go as often as every 20 minutes. One occurs around 11am, another sometime between 2:30 and 5, and another shortly before she goes to bed. We try to be especially conscientious about watching her signals and just frequently putting her on the potty during those times. As a result, the rest of the day tends to be pretty predictably dry, so we often take her on walks or even short trips without needing a diaper bag!

At home, we average about 1-3 "misses" per day. These might be times when I don't get a clear signal from her, or times when I miss it because I'm distracted (I've gotten peed on a number of times while talking on the phone or watching a movie. Once, even, while writing this post). She's even pottied when friends of ours are watching her. There are also times when our signals are fine but we end up with a wet lap or bed because we spill the potty or don't get her on at the right angle. However--I'll take my accidents when her pee and poop are totally benign, versus when she's two or three and eating solid foods!

Home girl

2009-10-06T10:46:00.002-04:00

Matt and I recently made the decision to try to keep Eden as close to home as much as possible. While we've always been big fans of long country drives, Eden decidedly is not. When she was a newborn, she'd sleep peacefully in her carseat, but that time is no more. She's been growing progressively more agitated in her carseat for the past several weeks, and after a car trip out to Shenandoah during which she screamed at an ear-splitting volume for over an hour, we've decided it's in everybody's best interest to limit ourselves to things within walking distance as much as possible.

And that's really fine with us. We like to be at home and we knew that having a baby was going to change things. The big difference is that where we previously ran all of our errands together, now one of us will likely end up staying home with Eden. But it's probably best for her health anyway, and we know it's best for her comfort. And we know it won't last forever.

I'm pleased to announce

2009-09-29T13:55:00.002-04:00

...the ringing in of a new era.

Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in six months...my rings fit again!

Stuff we love: Rescue Sleep Remedy

2009-09-29T12:20:00.003-04:00

I'll be the first one to admit that the philosophy behind the Bach Flower Essences sounds pretty wacky to me. Unnamed substances distilled from flowers used to balance complex emotional problems? Kind of farfetched even for people like us. But when we tried them ourselves about a year ago, we were particularly pleased with the results of Rescue Sleep, which we found calming and sleep-enhancing.

So it's only natural (at least for us) that when we found ourselves with a restless, fussy baby, we gave a couple of squirts to her. It stopped her crying, anyway, as she tasted it with a funny and amazed look on her face. It didn't knock her flat out or anything, but within minutes, she was calmer, and then--asleep. Over the past few months, we've repeated the process a number of times a week and always been really impressed with the results. Even with her teething pain, we've actually found it to be more effective in calming her down than Hyland's Teething Tablets, a homeopathic remedy lots of parents rave about.

It could be the flower essences, or it could be the 27% alcohol solution they're preserved in (grape brandy, to be exact--and brandy is a time-honored remedy for teething babies). Either way, I'm not arguing with success. The bottle runs around $8-10 and lasted us over a year with occasional use; the next one will probably only last about half that long or less, since we're using it more often with Eden. Still, probably not much more expensive than something like Children's Tylenol, and we don't like the idea of giving our baby drugs unless absolutely necessary (and that stance finds more support every day). We get it at Whole Foods, but you can also order it online. Amazon has it for under $8 with free shipping! And right now, Mambo Sprouts is offering a $2 off coupon. Effective, natural, and a coupon to boot--what more do you need to know?

Krill oil: My cure for baby eczema

2009-09-26T20:07:00.005-04:00

A number of weeks ago, to my dismay, Eden started developing rough, red patches of eczema on her arms and legs. Having struggled with various bouts of itchy scaly skin throughout my life, I had hoped she would be spared. Alas, she apparently was not. I rubbed coconut oil on it in vain--while it might have kept it a little softer, the angry pink outlines were still there.

It wasn't until a bottle of Omega-3 krill oil capsules arrived in the mail from my mom that I had an epiphany. I'd taken either fish oil or cod liver oil pills throughout the pregnancy, and had continued doing so since Eden was born. However, I get them through my mom, who is some kind of vitamin dealer, and I had run out and was waiting for her to send more. It wasn't until I started up again that I realized that the period during which I'd run out was exactly when Eden had developed her skin trouble. I hardly dared to hope that taking them again would rectify the problem, but it did! Within about a week after starting up again, her patches of eczema were all totally gone, and so far they haven't recurred. I'm convinced that was what did the trick, since it was the only thing about our diet and lifestyle that changed--both when she flared up and when it went away. Below you can see the difference:

The great thing about breastfeeding is that I don't have to try to figure out how to get her to take fish oil--just take it myself. But when she strikes out on her own, foodwise, you can bet that I'll be sure to figure out a way to do so.

Natural remedies for breastfeeding first aid

2009-09-22T15:08:00.005-04:00

Michele at Frugal Granola has a great post up about how to create a natural Breastfeeding First Aid kit and her experiences with clogged milk ducts. I am crossing my fingers and feeling fortunate that I haven't had to deal with these yet, but based on the experiences of other nurses I work with (we don't exactly get predictable--or even regular--breaks sometimes), I know it's probably only a matter of time, and so I've bookmarked this excellent resource! I love Michele's blog because it lives up to its name: affordable, natural solutions to all kinds of issues in family life.

Natural Baby Essential: Coconut oil

2009-08-27T12:07:00.005-04:00

Image by JPhilipson

Matt and I are all about products that do double, triple, or quadruple duty. Particularly those that are a single ingredient. Like baking soda--aka deodorant, toothpaste, kitchen cleanser, catbox deodorizer, stain remover, etc etc. Since we've had a baby, coconut oil has become one of those.

Eden's never really had what I would consider a full-blown diaper rash, but every once in awhile her butt will start to look a little red. We were using Burt's Bees Diaper Ointment, which worked beautifully and smelled wonderful, for the first month. Then all of a sudden one day I put it on her--no broken skin and no more red than usual--and she screamed absolutely bloody murder and would not stop. Assuming it had to be the cream, I quickly washed it off and she eventually settled down. We tried it one more time, just to be sure that was it, and sure enough--the same thing. She obviously developed some kind of sensitivity to one or more ingredients in the product--which was a shame, because we really liked it, but there was nothing we could do.

So we were on the hunt for something new. We'd obtained some refined coconut oil (basically it's processed and flavorless and cheaper than the raw or virgin coconut oil that's pricier and healthier) when I was pregnant in an effort to help slow stretch marks (it didn't work, but it is a wonderful moisturizer). I decided to try some of that on Eden since when I'd used it, I had appreciated how quickly it melted into my skin without making it feel greasy. Anything oily or greasy (like zinc oxide or petroleum-based balms) are a concern with cloth diapers because they can cause the diapers to repel water, which leads to leakage.

It worked beautifully. We applied a little coconut oil (easy because it's sort of a soft solid when you scoop it out, then melts at body temperature and soaks right in) to the red areas with each diaper change and by the next day, all traces of redness were gone. We've been using it for over a month now and it's shown no signs of causing problems with her diapers, and usually clears up her skin overnight.

Eden also developed a case of baby acne around 4 weeks old, which didn't seem to bother her much, but was something of a bummer to me, since she'd had such lovely creamy baby skin. I'd read that 4 weeks is a common time to develop it, and that it nearly always clears on its own by about six weeks, but I noticed that heat, drool, and dry skin seemed to exacerbate it and so though it might seem counterintuitive, I rubbed a little coconut oil on her cheeks in an effort to help her skin balance out. Sure enough, by six weeks her skin was beautiful and clear. I think it probably would have cleared up by itself anyway, but it seemed like the rough texture was improved by applying the coconut oil once or twice a day. Her cheeks still tend toward dryness and so I usually apply it to her face every morning and after a bath, and these days she looks like an "after" model for Clearisil.

We also use the coconut oil as an allover moisturizer after her bath, and I know some people swear by putting a dollop in the bathwater as well. We wash her in our bathtub and so since we don't want to slip and break our necks on an oily floor, we tend to avoid that measure. But as a moisturizer, it's effective, surprisingly nongreasy, and happily, completely nontoxic--so when she puts her hands in her mouth immediately after we apply it, we don't have to anxiously scan a list of ingredients to make sure she's not eating poison. It has just one ingredient, which we love.

Lastly, Eden has a tendency to develop a dry and occasionally flaky scalp--and I've found it helps quite a bit to rub some coconut oil into her head before she gets in the bathtub. In the tub, I just rub her head with a wet washcloth and that's it (no soap). Afterward, I rub in a little more coconut oil and she's good to go. Her hair and scalp never look or feel greasy--just soft.

We received ours from a generous friend who had it on hand, but there are a number of sources for coconut oil on the internet or at health food stores. You can get a 14-oz jar from Amazon for about $7 shipped. It also makes an easy and flavorless cooking oil. What we've done is take a larger batch and scoop it out into smaller containers--like baby food jars--so that we can have one in the kitchen, a small one by the changing table, one in the bathroom, etc. I usually scoop it into a jar and then microwave until it melts, then re-solidifies into a smooth block.

Relatively cheap, completely nontoxic, extremely effective, and very multipurpose--we're sold.

Baby love

2009-08-27T11:41:00.004-04:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it's like to love a baby or a child. People tend to speak of it like it's something concrete and universal, things like you'll love them more than you ever thought possible or you'll fall in love with them immediately or you'll love them more than you've ever loved anybody, but I think it's probably more individual than that. The rate, depth, and expression of falling in love with a new baby are probably different for every family.

For example, many women speak of the overwhelming sense of emotion and besottedness they feel with their newborn from the moment of birth. Natural-birth advocates in particular speak of the cocktail of "love hormones" that promote deep and immediate attachment between mother and baby. Perhaps because I went into labor at 38 weeks and it only lasted about two hours, and so I hadn't yet had time to get my mind around the idea that hey, we're having a baby, not only soon but today, not just today but before breakfast time!, the most powerful feeling I had when I first held Eden was that of being completely stunned. Stunned that birth was over (heck, that it had even started!), that she was here, that she was a "she," that pregnancy was no more and her life was beginning. I remember looking at her and thinking that she looked right to me, like she belonged to our family, and feeling protective of her in the sense that I thought that we needed to get her a hat and a blanket and warm her up, but there was still a certain sense of disbelief that she was actually mine. It was only looking back at it a couple of weeks later, once I'd had a chance to get to know her, that that scene became infused with a new tenderness for me. It's a lot like looking back at my first dates with Matt--superimposed over the awkwardness that was actually there is a powerful sense of nostalgia and fondness born of what was yet to come.

There are also those who say that romantic or marital love "pale in comparison" with how powerfully one loves a child. I have to say that I honestly don't feel like Matt's and my love pales in comparison with anything. Instead, having Eden together has opened up all kinds of new things for me to love about Matt--how attentively he took care of both of us in the first hours, days, and weeks after birth, and still does; how much joy he gets from our daughter; his concern for her wellbeing. While I adore Eden--her baby smiles, curling up with her on the couch while she contentedly nurses--how can I adore any less the person who bustles around, cooking dinner and cleaning, so that she and I are completely free to do that?

On the other hand, it is very different from romantic love--in which you get to know someone incredibly well, then choose to make them part of your family. With a baby, you choose to add them to your family, they come to live in your house, and then you spend the next years getting to know them. I've also considered how crazy it will feel when Eden starts to talk. So far, I've gotten to know her as this being who definitely communicates, but does not speak--a lot like our cats. I imagine that her beginning to talk will feel something like if one of the cats opened its mouth and spoke words one day--a sense of "I never knew you could do that!"

Becoming a parent and falling in love with my baby have been different for me than the way they're described by many people. Just as it's nothing I could have really understood for myself before doing it, it's nothing that anybody else could prepare me for, either. And for me, that's part of the beauty of it--that out of the uniqueness of my relationship with Matt, we're creating a family dynamic that's also one of a kind.

Heavy

2009-08-24T09:56:00.004-04:00

...is how taking care of Eden has felt in the past day or so. Mainly I mean this literally--she's probably at least a good 13 lbs or so now now and that is a LOT to have hanging off your body all day and night. Which, most of the time, she is--either being held, worn in the Ergo, or nursed. One the one hand, I love that she's a snuggly baby and likes to be held, and we believe pretty closely in most principles and applications of attachment parenting. On the other hand, I have a permanent crick in my upper back, and I've gotten so used to holding her all the time that even when I'm not, I catch myself picking things up off the floor with my toes. It feels so good when I finally get to straighten up and stretch--when for a minute, I'm just one body--and when I do, I sometimes realize it's the first time I've done so all day.

Part of this is my fault. I've gotten used to doing things in a decidedly un-ergonomic fashion (such as way too much time spent holding Eden in one arm, cradling the phone against my neck, and using my other hand to change over laundry/type with one hand/make dinner etc) and I should probably work on that. She also seems to be in a very high-needs period right now (my own mother would likely point out that if she's anything like me, that "period" will last anywhere from three to twenty-three years) and so my approach for this week, at least, is to pick out the top two or three things I need to get done in each day, do those while she takes her naps, and then just try to focus on Eden.

For today: register for classes (done), take a quiz (next), and vacuum (saving that for when she gets fussy because it usually puts her to sleep). Anything beyond that is a bonus but I'm not going to sweat it. Instead, I'm going to do everything I can to try to enjoy my baby--and, barring that, at least to fully be there for her.

There's also a certain level on which things sometimes feel heavy in a more figurative sense. Remembering that we can't just dash off for the day because there are those among us who hate their carseats and can go through a dozen diapers in the space of a morning. Having three in the bed, which is almost always cozy but every so often feels crowded instead. Never making it through a meal without someone else yelping to be fed (no matter how recently this just occurred) in the middle. I feel so incredibly lucky that she has another loving, caring, attentive parent who is ready and willing to jump in and totally take over at moments like that. Thank you, Matt. I don't know how any mother--especially one with a more demanding baby than Eden, which I think most are--does it without a Matt.

On the other hand, when I do go away, like to work, I miss her so much. I never understood how a person could really miss a baby (miss what? their stimulating viewpoints?), but I do now. I miss her soft, fuzzy head and her gummy (and occasional) smiles and her heartbreakingly plump and squishy cheeks. And I guess that's what it's all about.

Elimination Communication

2009-08-20T15:18:00.005-04:00

Matt and I had talked before Eden was born about the idea of trying out Elimination Communication (EC)--also known as diaper-free, or natural infant hygiene. Basically the premise is that you learn to recognize your baby's cues when s/he is about to go to the bathroom, and you put them on the toilet or another receptacle.

Well, believe it or not, we got busy during the first six weeks and didn't get a chance to try it. I'll admit I was also a little skeptical--on EC websites and message boards, moms are always singing the praises of how well it works. Come on, we thought--how well could it really work?

Really, quite well, as a matter of fact. We started last weekend with Eden, and we use an old plastic cereal bowl--now marked with a "P" on the bottom, for pee/poop/potty--because she's still too small and wobbly to comfortably hold over the toilet. Plus, it's easier to take the bowl wherever we are (the bedroom, the living room) as opposed to running into the bathroom every time we think she might need to go. We don't tend to bother with it when we're out and about, but when I'm home with her during the day, she probably does 2/3 of her pees and all of her poops that way. It was incredibly easy to get started, and while it's probably more work for me than just changing and washing diapers, she's always hated to be in a wet diaper, even for a little while, so it's cut down on the amount of time she has to do that. It's also significantly reduced our diaper laundry, but that was only a load a day anyway, so it was no big deal.

Here is a great article by Sarah Buckley called "Mothering, Mindfulness, and a Baby's Bottom," in which she explains more about various aspects of the practice. While it might seem new-agey and crazy to some, it's actually how native cultures have dealt with infant elimination for thousands of years. We enjoy the insight into what's going on with Eden--what we thought before was unexplained fussiness is actually almost always the signal that she's going to go to the bathroom. I can usually tell by watching her face when she's on the bowl whether she's done or not--watery eyes, flared nostrils, puckering her lips like she's whistling are all signs that she's still got more to go. I usually sit cross-legged with the bowl on my lap and either hold her under her arms or cradle her (sometimes nursing her), and both work well. When she's done, I dab her off with a cloth wipe, rinse the bowl into the toilet, and dry it out for next time.

Here are some other good sites if you're interested in giving it a try:

Elimination Communication Positions
Diaper-Free Baby
Potty Whisperer

Postpartum: Life AFTER life after birth control

2009-07-14T21:43:00.005-04:00

One of my midwifery professors calls it "the forgotten period," due mainly to the fact that in traditional obstetrical management, a new mother doesn't see her care provider again until six weeks after giving birth. Plus, it somewhat lacks the excitement and novelty of pregnancy and birth. Rixa at Stand and Deliver, who had a baby herself not long ago at all, recently opened an honest discussion of feeling "dumpy and frumpy in one's postpartum body." I was still pregnant when she posted it (5 days before I had Eden), and so I admit most of my attention was taken in by this excerpt:

For the first few weeks after giving birth, I feel incredibly attractive. Every day, especially during the first week, I look thinner and more shapely. My breasts get bigger, my stomach gets smaller, and when I see myself in the mirror each morning, I think, "Wow! I look good!"

I find newly postpartum bodies incredibly beautiful. Very feminine--or perhaps the better word is womanly. I love the empty, rounded belly; the soft bread-dough skin; the flush of hormones.

It seemed too good to be true. But like a prophecy, that was pretty much how I felt in the days after giving birth. Losing 32 pounds in under a week (10-lb baby, 3-lb placenta, and evidently about 19 lbs of fluid) didn't hurt at all, and neither did getting back those ankle bones I'd been pining for.

Rixa went on to say that a few weeks later, the dramatic body changes hit pause for awhile, and she's left feeling less than pleased with her appearance. By way of perspective, though, she posted a link a couple of days later to an article entitled "Maternity leave--or reprieve?" in which the author calls for the "need to respect the time parents spend with newborns." The author notes, "It would be a shame to lose reverence for those gentle, maddening months after a child is born, when you are in a sleep-drained reverie, stitched to a baby's rhythms and sweet suckling; when you watch them unfurl, watch their eyes focus on the world, their lips curl into smiles, their startled limbs jerk and then grow strong."

So, right now, are the days of our lives. While I am getting past the honeymoon stage of no longer being pregnant, and I am struggling a little to come to peace with the idea of all the things about my body that will never quite be the same, I'm also inclined to marvel that the price of creating human life--of suddenly producing into our living room a whole new ten-pound being, our daughter--isn't in fact any steeper. And I try to remember to be amazed, as well, at what my body can do: create a baby, efficiently discharge a baby, and now continue to feed and nourish a baby (no less, after being up all night with said baby).

And on the whole, I've felt remarkably good: despite the exhaustion, optimistic and energetic the majority of the time. The day Eden was born, we took her for her first walk outside; my coworkers are still surprised that I haven't felt at all teary or bluesy since she was born. The closest I've come was a surprising torrent of tears when we buried the placenta, when she was a little over a week old. I think in large part that was because of the sense of closure it gave me, the feeling that this pregnancy and birth--which were such a wild and beautiful and spiritual adventure--were really over. As Matt put it, "You've put so much work into this pregnancy and this birth, and growing such a good strong baby--and now all of that seems like it's forgotten." Not that I'm not overjoyed to be moving on to the next step, because I am, but goodbyes, for me, are always hard.

Other than that, though, I'm doing my best to identify with and take comfort in the final sentence of the previous article:

When you delight in the life you have created, it becomes a lot less important to get your own life back the very next day.

Then here's to delight.

Ode to my cloth pads

2009-07-05T18:32:00.006-04:00

I have a lot to catch up on with this blog--Eden's birth story, for one, but also all of the postpartum-y things I've become intimately aware are part of "life after birth control"--but I can't help myself from taking the quick opportunity while Eden is sleeping to share my deep and abiding passion for cloth postpartum pads. Matt and I were actually cutting them out (loosely following this pattern, but there are tons of others out there) before we went to bed the night I went into labor, so obviously we didn't have time to sew them ("we" meaning "Matt" because I can't sew) by the time I gave birth. I was almost ready to throw in the towel and just keep using disposables, as my motivation was largely environmental and I figured the planet would understand, just this once--but Matt, bless his heart, sat down a few days ago and finished them, and I am now the proud owner of about 16 of the softest fleece-backed flannel pads with snaps on the wings that I have ever seen. The comfort is absolutely out of this world--to go from feeling like I was wearing a crinkly, sweaty, leaky plastic diaper and being constantly aware of that fact to being essentially unaware of the whisper-soft flannel lying absorbently next to my skin is one of the closest things I know of to postpartum heaven. They're slim, they're soft, they breathe, and they don't leak!

I'm sure the next question on everyone's mind is what you do with a used cloth postpartum pad. We've rigged up a nice system wherein we have a 1-gallon bucket under the bathroom sink that has several inches of water and a splash of Biz thrown in (upon my mother's recommendation, Biz is about the only thing we can find that gets out tough "human" stains like blood, sweat, and ring around the collar; we figure that in our largely chemical-free lifestyle, it's a concession we can make). I put the used pads in there and then dump the bucket in the wash when it's full. A little Biz and laundry detergent gets them sparkling clean again.

Plus, at $16-23 a pop to buy cloth pads (which you can do on Etsy or many other places if you don't have a sewing-inclined husband), we've saved literally hundreds of dollars by making them at home from a flannel sheet we got at Goodwill for a couple of dollars, a fleece blanket we picked up at KMart, and snaps we got for under $2. Plus, they were custom-made by my loving husband. It just doesn't get better than that!

38 weeks: Here she is!

2009-06-29T12:12:00.005-04:00

And not a moment too soon, considering that Eden Leah weighed 10 lbs and 2 oz at birth--following one of the fastest and most intense first-time labors I've ever seen! More on that later, but in the meantime, we're resting up, cleaning up, and enjoying our little girl.

37 weeks: belly casting!

2009-06-23T13:40:00.003-04:00

One of the members of my birth team was kind enough to bring things over yesterday to do a belly casting (as well as an aromatherapy foot bath)! We had a great time doing it and I think it turned out really well. Here's a photo of the process, plus front and side views of the finished cast:

36 weeks: On the home stretch

2009-06-16T16:17:00.004-04:00

Here is the updated progression, with my 36-week picture on the right. Notice how despite cheating and switching to a maternity tank top last picture (at 32 weeks), the tank top can still no longer contain me? Yeah, neither can most of my maternity clothes, either.

It's hard to say much about being 36+ weeks pregnant in June without sounding like a whiner. So, I'll just let it rip.

The heat doesn't bother me all that much (though that's easy to say when one spends most of one's time indoors these days), but the now-permanent swelling has gotten a little old. My (c)ankles are like grapefruit, my fingers and toes like sausages, and my face, well, I feel like one of the Munchkins or something. NOT FLATTERING. (Other people are afraid of having their neither regions caught on camera during birth--I'm totally cool with that, it's the idea of a head shot that makes me cringe.) My blood pressure is still good and everything else is fine, so no true concerns--I'm just massively bloated, and no amount of drinking water or cranberry juice or herbal tea or keeping my feet up seems to help (though plenty of things seem to make it worse). And just when I thought I was home free in terms of the final indignity--hemorrhoids--all of a sudden one day my rear end looks and feels like a cluster of grapes that somebody, somehow, for some reason decided to attack with a piece of sandpaper. Because I'm all about solutions on this blog, I'll admit I have finally gotten a decent amount of relief with warm and cool compresses and frequent applications of Florasone (thank you to my helpful husband for the suggestion, as well as the sympathetic ear), but I'm haunted by the thought of what these bad boys are going to be like after birth.

Being on my feet for very long is exhausting, but you know how good it feels to fall into bed at night when you're really exhausted? Well, that respite is now soured by a) how stiff and uncomfortable I am after spending more than 15 minutes in any given position, b) how incredibly uncomfortable it is to try to CHANGE positions, and c) the prospect of getting up to relieve myself of a tablespoon of urine approximately every hour and a half. Nighttime is not the right time, anymore--at least not where rest is concerned.

Besides that, and gaining 45 pounds despite eating more healthfully and remaining more active than the majority of pregnant women that I know, well, besides that I'm doing well and I do know that I have a lot to be thankful for. Though crabby and uncomfortable, I'm healthy. The baby is big and active and we're getting so excited to meet him or her. I have the world's most loving and helpful husband. We have another baby shower coming up on Saturday and things are already pretty well set. (You can see our crib, changing table, and diaper stash here.) I'm anticipating the kind of birth that many women can only dream about, surrounded by a few cherished loved ones and warm water and familiar things. Matt and I both have downright heroic birth stories in our families, and so despite the concerns voiced by everyone from my coworkers to checkout clerks, I'm not worried that this baby is too big to come out the old-fashioned way. I have faith in birth, in myself, and in my birthing team. It's late pregnancy that's the challenge!

New angles

2009-06-06T20:42:00.003-04:00

Something besides the standard white tank top/belly shot.

Or my grapefruit ankles, which was the other option.

32 week picture

2009-05-20T16:52:00.002-04:00

Once again...I look at the last picture we took and it makes me think I looked downright skinny! Obviously I've increased in size yet again since the 24 week picture, and these days anytime anybody asks when I'm due and I tell them, I'm met with raised eyebrows, incredulous looks, or comments like "Are you sure your dates aren't off?" or "Do you think it might be twins?" (Yes, and no.) My measurements are right on (fundal height of ~33cm at just over 32 weeks), so I don't really have an explanation of why I'm carrying so big. Some days I feel it more than others; after we moved, I had several days of seriously puffy feet/hands/ankles, backaches, and aching feet, but I seem to have normalized again and am actually feeling quite good. During the same period, I had another bout with feeling like I might be starting the first twinges of a UTI (possibly due to dehydration), but my cranberry/blueberry juice and Vitamin C regimen has me good as new again--except that I have a few more pounds of baby sitting on my bladder than I did last time.

Otherwise, we're doing really well, and starting to kick our preparations into high gear. In addition to the move to a bigger apartment (though our plan is still for the baby to sleep with us--the extra room will function as an office/spare bedroom/repository for all the baby's gear), my work threw us a shower a couple of weeks ago and we were thrilled to receive a variety of cloth diapers (including BumGenius, FuzziBunz, and plenty of unbleached prefolds) and covers, all of which we need to launder to get them ready for use, as well as plenty of baby clothes and other essentials. We found an Ikea dresser which matches our bed, for $30 on Craigslist. We're planning to use it for the baby's things, and it's also the perfect height for a changing table. Double duty is a definite plus when space is limited!

Other than that, my size and the frequency of Braxton-Hicks contractions I have would leave me unsurprised if this baby showed up a week or two before his or her due date, so we're anticipating having everything ready to roll by the end of June, just in case!

The big 3-0

2009-05-03T20:47:00.003-04:00

30 weeks. To some extent, I feel like I'm settling into this pregnancy--starting to understand its rhythms, its rhyme and reason (if there is such a thing). There are fewer surprises these days, and knowing what to expect counts for a lot. Even discomforts like the sometimes-excruciating pelvic pain seem to be somewhat predictable: if I overdo it, or if the baby and I seem to have a growth spurt, I'll have a very painful several days, over the course of which acupuncture, chiropractic, ice, and rest will gradually help me back to a functional (though not totally pain-free) state. Bike riding, unfortunately, is another thing which seems to aggravate it very predictably, and so I am most likely going to give that up until I'm no longer pregnant--much to my chagrin, since it's the only way I can propel myself around in a way that makes me feel light and speedy. Otherwise, I'm more or less getting used to feeling large and slow and short of breath a lot of the time (I always say I have room in my belly for the best 2 out of 3--my stomach, my lungs, or the baby. Especially after I eat, my lungs seem to be the ones to get short shrift).

On the other hand--I can't say that I'm not looking forward to having the baby in a couple of months (which now feels like the home stretch to me--I am a good 75% done!). My body seems to be slowly but steadily gearing up as well: The Braxton-Hicks contractions I've felt since 10 weeks are slowly getting stronger, the baby's movements are getting progressively stronger, and my bladder capacity once again seems to be shrinking. Annoyingly, my expanding girth means that I bump into things almost constantly and people bump into me, and I find this leaving me increasingly short-tempered at times. My walk has settled firmly into a waddle (as people don't seem to mind telling me), which seems to have a lot to do with my pelvic issues, and I'll be glad to resume some semblance of a normal stride--along with the ability to move with some degree of speed. I had to try to chase one of the cats around the apartment tonight to take away a rubber band she was chewing on, and the effort it took made me reflect wistfully on how athletic and energized I felt at this time last year. I also miss my wedding rings, and my ankle bones.

At the same time, I still feel lucky to have had such a healthy pregnancy so far, and I'm optimistic that we'll have a healthy, normal birth as well. I know the discomforts I'm feeling are both temporary and worth it.

And, I'm beyond pleased to report that some of my stretch marks are even starting to fade already.

Puff plus

2009-04-26T12:17:00.002-04:00

photo by Omgayeo

All I can say is that I am so swollen this weekend!

Granted, the fact that this is my number one complaint is an improvement over other weeks, when I've been unable to keep down nourishment or have been in excruciating pain, but still. Rampant discomfort is no picnic either.

It started toward the end of last week and it started where it always does: in my hands. Even before I was pregnant, my hands have swollen in response to heat and/or exercise. So it's no surprise that at 7 months pregnant and with the thermometer tipping 90 degrees this weekend, I finally had to take my wedding ring off (or face the idea of having someone cut it off).

By Saturday, my feet had joined in the party and I was rocking full-on cankles. There are those who would say that a hotdogfest around an open fire probably didn't help things any, but as this article aptly points out, too little salt can actually prevent your body from being able to keep fluids in your bloodstream and contribute to swelling as well. In general, my salt intake is pretty moderate, so I'm not too worried that this is my problem. It also felt like everything I drank just stayed on board, despite my best efforts to flush my system with water, cranberry juice, and decaf iced tea. I can see it in my face, too, in the pictures we took on our camping trip this weekend. Uff. Few things leave a person feeling less sexy (or even particularly mobile) than feeling like you've bloated up with a few extra pounds of water weight...

And summer hasn't even begun yet. So, the game plan: acupuncture (which I got yesterday, after skipping a week due to working nights last week), regular swimming, forcing myself to drink more fluids, and staying as cool as I possibly can, since I know that heat is always a trigger for me.

A few new weapons in the arsenal

2009-04-07T12:39:00.006-04:00

The thing about aches and pains when you're pregnant is that there's really no throwing in the towel and just taking a pill. Your commitment to natural and alternative means of pain relief is all you have.

So I've been forced to continue my quest to cope with or eradicate my pubic bone pain as best I can, without the aid of traditional pharmaceuticals. In addition to those I've already mentioned, here are a few I'm currently trying:

http://www.inspiredliving.com/body-pillows/pillow-pregnancy.htm

A maternity body pillow. This is one of those things I'd always dismissed as kind of silly and unnecessary, but which really seems to be a lifesaver in my current situation. I was prepared to shell out for one, but first put out a call on my local Freecycle instead--and boy, was I glad I did. Within hours I had a high-quality, full-length down one in a washable pillow case. I slept with it last night and didn't wake up once, not even to pee.

http://www.twin-pregnancy-and-beyond.com/exercise-during-twin-pregnancy.html

Swimming. You hear a lot about the benefits of swimming during pregnancy--relief from gravity, decreased swelling, low impact on the joints--but it really hits home once even walking becomes too painful an exercise to bear. Matt and I are lucky enough to live in a community where we have a wonderful indoor pool (discovered last night) as well as 14 community outdoor pools, all of which are well-maintained and very affordable. For $3 apiece last night, we spent about half an hour swimming laps in a just-comfortably-warm and nice-sized pool (the only caveat for those with symphysis pubis dysfunction is to avoid breaststroke and sidestroke), then spent 5-10 minutes loosening up in their hot tub--which was huge, not hot enough to have me concerned, and which had steps that allowed me to sit with my pelvis submerged but my belly and upper body out of the water.

http://www.gaiaherbs.com/product.php?id=168

Arnica oil. Known for its anti-inflammatory, healing, and pain-relieving qualities when taken internally (homeopathically) or topically (as an oil or gel). It has been shown to be as effective as an ibuprofen gel for reducing soreness and stiffness. I'm using arnica oil directly on the painful area, as well as taking internal homeopathic arnica.

http://www.householdgoods.com/tens-unit-two-channel-machine-pads.html

A TENS unit. In other countries, TENS is one of the first modalities used for back and labor pain. It works by blocking the transmission of pain signals from the spinal cord to the brain, and also results in endorphin release. Here's a link to an article from Australia discussing TENS unit use for SPD.

The only thing I'm not yet currently using is the TENS unit--my parents are mailing me one that my dad used to use for back pain. I am, however, using the body pillow at night, applying the arnica oil before bed, taking the arnica internally 1-4x a day, utilizing hot and cold packs as necessary, sitting on my exercise ball whenever possible, and planning to swim a couple of times a week for exercise and buoyancy. I'm also continuing with chiropractic and acupuncture at least 1x a week, each.

What's the cost of all these things? The TENS unit and body pillow were free for the asking, and both could probably be obtained used for $20-50. I already had the exercise ball. The arnica preparations were each around $8-11 and will last quite awhile. Acupuncture costs a minimum of $15 a session, except that Matt and I have been doing a few hours of a volunteer work at the clinic per week and have thereby earned a number of free sessions. My chiropractic co-pay is $30. Swimming is $3 a day. So on a weekly basis, I probably spend an average of:

$30 chiropractic
$15 acupuncture
$6 swimming
$1 arnica preparations
______
$52

Which is not cheap. Neither, however, would medication or physical therapy be, nor would allowing myself to become debilitated so that I'm unable to work for the duration of my pregnancy. And there are certain things in live you just aren't given a choice about; in terms of maintaining a healthy body and a healthy pregnancy, as my dad would say, "Those are the things your money is for." We'll make up for the cost by cutting corners in other ways.

Like I've done before...

2009-04-05T19:13:00.005-04:00

photo by X-it

I spoke too soon. After working three days last week, by Friday night, my pelvic pain was back with a vengeance. We went for acupuncture Saturday morning, and I was suffering enough even after that to call my chiropractor and ask her to stay late to see me that day--which she did. But while last time it seemed like everything I tried helped at least a little bit, this time, nothing seemed to help at all. Not the acupuncture, not the chiropractic, not a hot shower or two hot baths, not ice packs. No position was any more comfortable than any other and the only thing that made it more excruciating than it already was was trying to ride in the car--I don't know if it was the vibrations or the position or what, but it was just intolerable. I spent a decent portion of Saturday afternoon literally writhing on the couch and crying, until I feel into an exhausted sleep for about half an hour. When I woke up, it seems like things had quieted down to a dull roar. I slept OK last night, and much of today was fine, but late afternoon found me back on the couch in the same state I was in yesterday.

One more thing I've found that does seem to lend a little relief is sitting on an exercise ball. It seems to offer the right mix of stability and "give," and I think is also helpful because it's not a static sitting position--I'm constantly shifting around. And that's sort of what I've found to be the most helpful thing--just constantly changing positions, because no one position is very comfortable, and especially not for very long. Unfortunately, that's kind of exhausting. It's discouraging because my pelvis feels too painful and unstable for any real activity--like walking or hiking--but at the same time, I feel exhausted and drained, just from dealing with the pain. Needless to say, this is a huge setback and disappointment for me right now. I'm hoping that maybe things were just stirred up by the acupuncture and chiropractic, and that by mid-week I'll be feeling better again, but it seems like by then going to work, I get myself into a vicious cycle that's hard to break. Though again--resting it doesn't seem to help substantially either, and it's really way too early for me to be off work anyway. Matt has been wonderful, quick to draw me a bath or help with massage or suggest something he's read about, and most of all, just lots of moral support during this very trying time for me. And that helps. In the meantime--we'll just keep our fingers crossed, and keep trying.

Me & my belly

2009-04-02T19:17:00.002-04:00

Symphysis pain gone!

2009-03-29T11:02:00.006-04:00

Contrary to what I'd expected, which was worsening pelvic pain up until the time of birth, it instead seems to have subsided entirely. This seems nothing short of miraculous to me, considering how much pain I was in just a few weeks ago. The acupuncture seems to have set off the initial healing reaction, helped along by an activator adjustment by my new chiropractor. I can't recommend these two things highly enough, and you can go to this site to find out whether there are any acupuncturists offering sliding-scale fees in your area.

The things that helped me most during the actual flare-up were an ice pack to the area, and also doing the exercise described in the previous post which involves putting your fist or a flat pillow between your knees and squeezing it for a count of five. That one sounds counterintuitive, but I found it to give me an almost instantaneous measure of relief, especially if I did it a few times before standing up from a sitting position (which previously really exacerbated the pain). It resulted in kind of a "good hurt" during the exercise, like a good deep stretch, and then the area felt better afterward.

I was able to go to a conference last week on support techniques for natural birth, and was fortunate enough to hear the Bagnells, a husband-and-wife chiropractor team, speak on their techniques for pregnancy adjustments and resolution of fetal malpresentation. While my chiropractor doesn't specifically practice the Bagnell technique, she is very hands-on with pelvic adjustments, and hearing the Bagnells speak made me glad that I was able to find effective interventions for my symphysis pain so early on. One interesting point they made was that any time a pregnant woman experiences severe round ligament pain, especially early on, one should suspect pubic bone malposition. As you may recall, I started with round ligament pain in the first trimester, and interestingly, so did my coworker who also developed pubic bone pain (and actually referred me to my current chiropractor). A misalignment there is associated with a much higher incidence of malpresented babies, including breech, posterior, and transverse presentations, which is not anything that I am interested in!

A good site for those who want to learn more about the interaction between maternal tissues and fetal position, and how that affects the duration and ease of labor, is Spinning Babies.

Another good resource for understanding the physiology of pregnancy and birth and beyond, and what you can do to maximize it, is Elizabeth Noble's Essential Exercises for the Childbearing Year. I got mine used off Amazon for $0.01, bringing my total to $4 with shipping--an investment that is well worth it.

Symphysis pubis pain

2009-03-21T20:40:00.004-04:00

I mentioned in an earlier post that around 22 weeks, I started suffering from pain in the front of my pubic bone, or symphysis pubic dysfunction (SPD). This is the best online resource I've found so far, which includes a good explanation of the physiology of SPD, frequently asked questions, medical and alternative relief options, and considerations for birth.

This article details the use of a support belt and stabilizing exercises to treat SPD. I recently obtained a maternity support belt (a lot like this one) and wear it when working or walking for long periods, and I think it's somewhat helpful. I don't wear it all the time, because I want my muscles to have to work to maintain their own stability as well, but a 12-hour shift is a lot to ask out of anyone's back and pelvis and so the extra support is nice. The subjects were given the following instructions with regard to exercise and lifestyle:

Abdominals: "Sitting with your feet resting on the floor, gently pull in your lower abdominal muscles abdominal muscles as if you are hugging your baby. Hold for 5 seconds. Repeat 5 times, continuing to breathe normally."

Pelvic floor: "Sitting tall, squeeze to close around your openings. Lift and hold for 5 seconds. Repeat 5 times. Breathe normally throughout."

Gluteus maximus: "Sitting or standing, squeeze buttocks together. Hold for 5 seconds. Repeat 5 times."

Latissimus dorsi: "Sit on a chair in front of a table or a closed door. Grasp door handle or table with both hands and pull toward you. Hold for 5 seconds. Repeat 5 times."

Hip adductors: "Sitting down, put your fist or a rolled towel between your knees. Squeeze knees together. Hold for 5 seconds. Repeat 5 times."

Self-help Management

The aim is to reduce stress on the joint.

It is essential that you tighten the muscles of your pelvic floor and lower abdomen before and during the following activities.

When getting into bed:

* Sit on the edge of the bed, keep knees close together, then lie down on your side, lifting both your legs up sideways. Reverse this to get out of bed.

* Do not attempt to pull yourself up from lying on your back.

When rolling over in bed:

* Keep knees together.

* Do not roll with your knees apart.

When getting up from a chair:

* Keep knees close together, put your hands on your knees, and lean nose over toes to stand up.

When sitting down:

* Do the reverse to sit down.

* Ensure that you feel the chair at the back of your legs first.

When getting into a car:

* Sit down first and then swing legs in, keeping knees together.

When walking:

* Take smaller steps.

When using stairs:

* Step up sideways one step at a time.

* Avoid stairs if possible.

Remember to:

* Sleep with a flat pillow between the legs.

* Take rest breaks.

* Move within the limit of pain.

Avoid:

* Sitting on soft sofas and chairs.

* Walking as an exercise.

* Active stretching.

I've started sleeping with a flat pillow between my knees, and I try to use the body mechanics suggestions whenever I can. I've heard conflicting things about whether walking is contraindicated as an exercise, and it's free and healthy, so I haven't given that up yet. I am planning to start to implement the exercises.

However, I was perhaps most interested in this article from the British Medical Journal, which reports a greater decrease in pelvic pain in subjects who underwent acupuncture than those who underwent interventions involving exercise, support belts, or both.

I'm figuring I can't go wrong with all three. This morning I had my first acupuncture appointment with a delightful acupuncturist in Frederick, Maryland, who has made a name for herself offering treatments on a sliding scale from $15-35 per session. This was my first experience with acupuncture and I was very pleased. A couple of the needles stung a little as they went in, but on the whole I was very comfortable during the approximately 20-30 minute treatment. My pelvis has felt sort of achy and sore all day, and it's hard to say if that's left over from yesterday or if it's a sign that things are resettling themselves, but time will tell. I'm placing a lot of hope in this, because otherwise it's going to be a long next four months...

24 weeks

2009-03-21T20:22:00.002-04:00

15 weeks, 18 weeks, 20 weeks, and 24 weeks

Every time we take a picture, I look at it and think how big my belly has gotten, and how I can't imagine it getting any bigger. Then, by the time we take the next picture, I think the same thing about that picture, and look back a little wistfully at how tiny I look to myself in the previous picture. It's crazy and you'd think I'd be used to it by now, but the thought process is remarkably similar each time.

First, the good news: I'm measuring perfectly at 24 cm for 24 weeks. (Which strongly dispels the likelihood of twins, despite what my round girth might suggest.) The baby is delightfully active and literally feels bigger and stronger every day. The heartbeat sounds great, my blood pressure is good, and by every other objective measure of pregnancy, I'm doing very well. The number on the scale is a lot to wrap my mind around, but we're eating incredibly well and I take at least a 30-minute walk most days, along with a variety of prenatal exercises, so I'm doing my best to let my body be my guide on that front.

On a less-pleasant level: the hormonal discomforts of pregnancy (morning sickness, etc) have all too quickly been replaced by the mechanical ones, as I mentioned in my last post. My symphysis pubis pain can literally bring me to tears, especially if I've been working all day, and I'm going to do a separate post on the efforts I'm making to correct that. Bending over has become rather a challenge, and I have a job that requires me to do that many times in a 12-hour period. Changing positions requires ever more (and noisier) efforts, and I had a recent tearful episode remembering what a wonderful, active summer we had last year and mourning the fact that I will most likely not be doing all of my grocery shopping by folding bike this summer, nor will I be doing any 7-mile hikes in the Shenandoah mountains. (Matt is wonderful about comforting me through such times, however, and pointed out, "We'll just plan to have a really active fall!") I'm also getting up probably 3-4 times a night to pee (during the day, I go at least once an hour). My mom says I've had a tiny bladder since I was a baby, and pregnancy has certainly brought out that condition. Also being crowded out of the way: my lungs and my stomach.

Otherwise, though, we're happy and thankful. We're getting more and more excited about the birth, and talk all the time about what it will be like when the baby gets here. We went to an excellent cloth diaper information session put on by a locally owned Web-based business, Abby's Lane, which we were completely impressed with. We've decided that we'll most likely go with prefolds, pins, and wool covers to start with. We'd originally thought we might go with an all-in-one, but she convinced us that these are often not a good fit for newborns and we want something that we can start with and that will then grow with the baby, as opposed to changing systems midstream. It's also much more economical and seems like a better fit for our lifestyle and philosophies. We've also been incredibly blessed by Freecycle and hand-me-downs from friends, so that we feel like we have a good stock of what we'll need to at least get started. Which is good; now that the weather is warm, it's starting to feel like summer and this baby are just around the corner.

At least, that's what I keep telling myself, when four more months of pelvic pain and a waddling gait and going to the bathroom 20 times a day starts to sound like a very long time...

22 weeks

2009-03-11T14:02:00.003-04:00

There's not a whole lot to report these days, except that the baby and I are both getting bigger all the time! In the space of a week or two, the baby's movements have changed from subtle fluttering movements to strong, identifiable gestures that are easily felt (and sometimes seen) from the outside. The baby seems to have at least three predictable periods of high activity: when I first wake up, between about 2 and 4 pm, and again just before I go to bed.

Otherwise, I've started seeing a chiropractor trained in Webster technique for general achiness in my lower back and pelvis. I've always had very lax joints and the hormonal influences of pregnancy have only exacerbated that. In particular, I've started experiencing symphysis pain. Measures like sleeping with the support of several pillows helps, but doesn't totally eradicate the problem.

Besides that, though, I'm happy to finally be free of systemic effects like nausea, heartburn, and overwhelming fatigue. When I'm sitting down, I hardly feel pregnant :) Once I try to stand up, though, I quickly remember that I am--changing positions, from getting up from the couch, to just rolling from side to side in bed, is beginning to get more challenging...

Maternity Stores: Who Knew?

2009-02-28T20:16:00.003-05:00

Matt and I are not big shoppers. We're not even little shoppers. In fact, I can count on one hand the number of clothing items we've bought--between us--since we've been together. But today we were out and about (actually, to buy a maternity panel for Matt to sew into my scrubs, thereby converting them into maternity scrubs) when we passed the outlet mall, which everyone is always telling us is great but which we've never cared to set foot into.

They happened to have a Motherhood Maternity, and on a whim, we went inside. Up to this point I've avoided maternity stores because a) I don't shop, b) I've gotten so many maternity clothes for free, and c) I've read/heard from so many places that they're ridiculously overpriced that I just assumed that, well, they were.

Maybe some of them are, but this one had me pleasantly surprised. When it seems like you can't get a regular pair of jeans for under 50 bucks these days (unless you live in your little sister's hand-me-downs...or would they be hand-me-ups?), a nice pair of maternity jeans with a stretchy belly panel only ran about $29.99. They had plenty of tops for between $8 and $30, which is again less than I'm used to seeing regular clothing sell for. And the best part? Everything in the store is meant for pregnant women. It's probably hard to appreciate that fact until you've spent a few months feeling like an outsider--can't wear this, can't drink that. But here? It's a whole store just for people like me! What a concept! I've never felt so...catered to...when shopping for clothes before! Do other pregnant women know about these?!

I didn't actually buy anything, because I don't really need anything, but I did come away feeling rather refreshed. Maternity stores--who knew?

And, by the way--Matt did an incredible job on my scrubs, not only putting in a stretchy belly panel that I can wear up or fold down (in lieu of the ever-more-inconvenient drawstring, which rides up, falls down, digs in, and generally obstructs my need to go to the bathroom about ninety times a day), but also putting in a hem on pants that had always been too long.

On second thought, who needs maternity stores when you have a live-in tailor?

A cure for a common complaint

2009-02-26T16:36:00.005-05:00

photo by letouj

A couple of weeks ago I noticed that I was having more frequent Braxton-Hicks contractions. I've been feeling them since 8-10 weeks, so their presence was nothing new, but the frequency was changing. I made sure I was well hydrated (since dehydration can bring on contractions), and then guessed that they might have something to do with an existing or potential urinary tract infection.

Unlike most people who have had UTIs and speak in horror about the crippling, excruciating pain they inflict, I've had two or three in my lifetime and can't say any of them has been painful. What I usually notice is either an increased frequency of urination (which is pretty much impossible at this point since I'm going about every 20 minutes anyway, as a result of drinking plenty of water + being pregnant) or kind of a warm/tingly sensation when I go. I didn't have that this time, but I thought I'd dip my urine to be on the safe side. (Urine dipsticks, by the way, are something I think every pregnant woman--maybe everybody, period--should have on hand. They are so invaluable for those times when you feel a twinge of something coming on but you're just not sure, and don't want to pay for an office visit just to be told that you're fine. They can also tell you, via specific gravity, how well hydrated you are--or aren't--which I find very helpful. Understanding what your dipstick means is something a little light internet research can teach you and which I believe is well worth the effort.)

What I found were leukocytes, or white blood cells--no blood, no nitrites (indicating the presence of bacteria), both of which are common with UTI's--just leukocytes, which likely indicate that the body is fighting some sort of an infection. (The linked article notes that leukocytes alone are often an indicator of a yeast infection, but I've also had enough of those to be familiar with the symptoms.) Because I've seen so many pregnant patients develop uterine irritability in response to urinary tract infection, I suspected I was probably in the early stages of fighting something off in that department.

Being a person who hates running to the doctor's office for every little thing, and who hates even more being on antibiotics and their subsequent side effects (for me, an upset stomach and a yeast infection almost always follow), I figured I was early enough in the game to try some gentler alternatives. So I turned to one of my favorite pregnancy books, The Natural Pregnancy Book, and was pleased to read that most urinary tract infections, if caught early, can be treated at home.

The author gives a few tinctures (goldenseal in particular) which can be helpful, but also recommends regular old Vitamin C (500 mg every 4 hours; I did this 4x a day so as not to exceed the recommended dose of 2,000mg) as well as unsweetened cranberry juice (32 oz a day), plus a total of 64 oz a day of total fluids (juice and water). Not having goldenseal or ready access to it, I decided to start conservatively, with Vitamin C and juice. Blueberry juice has also been shown to be just as effective against UTI, and so I drank a 3:1 mixture of blueberry to cranberry for the sake of palatability. I was pleased to find that Trader Joe's carries an unsweetened, not-from-concentrate version of both juices for around $4.99 a bottle, which is an absolute steal. You want to be sure to check the ingredients, though, so that you're not getting anything sweetened or from concentrate (in which case you're basically paying for water). Knudsen's Just Juice is another good brand, though it costs about twice as much.

After just two days of this regimen, I was thrilled that my Braxton-Hicks had disappeared (or at least returned to their previous occasional state) and my urine dipped clear as a bell. As a maintenance measure, I've started drinking cranberry spritzers instead of plain water throughout the day: about an ounce of cranberry juice in 8-12 oz of water is pleasantly tart and refreshing, and I also mix it with orange and carrot juice first thing in the morning. As a result, I wind up getting close to 8oz of pure cranberry juice a day (at a total of 70 calories, pretty negligible from a sugar/caloric standpoint--often a concern with juices) plus approximately 8 glasses of water a day, and I feel hydrated and refreshed. Plus I've saved money on an office visit and a prescription, and more importantly, spared my body and my baby from an unnecessary course of antibiotics--strengthening my body's ability to fight infection instead of compromising it. That's what I call a win-win course of action.

In case you were wondering...

2009-02-26T15:26:00.003-05:00

...whether I ever change my clothes/actually get dressed (the answer: no, not very often), here's the baby bump in something besides a tank top and sweatpants. For a change.

Contact!

2009-02-26T12:46:00.002-05:00

Matt got to feel the baby move for the first time, last night while we were reading in bed. That was lots of fun. The baby has really revved up his/her activity in the past couple of days, and appears to really be getting around, since I feel movement up high, down low, and on both sides at various points in the day. Unless, of course, there's more than one in there :)

I'm back feeling much more positive about things now, and as a display of my boundless optimism, have once again attempted to get off of my Unisom and B6. Two days and counting; we'll see how it goes...

On the other hand, being halfway done reminds me that I'll still be pregnant again as long as I already have been...which feels like a long time!

Halfway mark

2009-02-25T20:22:00.003-05:00

13 weeks, 15 weeks, 18 weeks, and 20 weeks

And the rain.

2009-02-24T14:25:00.004-05:00

Because along with the joys of the second trimester have come the downsides, and I would be a dishonest pregnancy blogger if I didn't mention those as well. Namely, the stretch marks. Weight gain, I can tolerate in good faith because at least theoretically it's reversible. The stretch marks, on the other hand? Not so much. Oh, I know some day they'll fade to silver (and, as my cousin tells me, "look more like wrinkles!"), but for now, the D-cup bust I was so excited about (because suddenly it was up from a small B) looks like it just went several rounds with an angry tiger. Talk about taking the wind out of my sails. Add that to the fact that most of the women I talk to fit into the "Oh, I never had a single stretch mark!" category (much like the way that my informal survey has revealed that approximately 90% of my acquaintances and patients were remarkably free of morning sickness), and it all has me feeling like life is a little unfair. It's kind of like going through puberty again--you don't know what the hormonal lottery is going to award you--except that I ALREADY WENT THROUGH PUBERTY. And spent the last fifteen years making peace with what it gave me. And now what it gave me is gone, and in its place I feel like there's something completely different. Even the most body-positive among us, I think, have to admit that that's rather unsettling.

Here Comes the Sun

2009-02-11T12:22:00.006-05:00

photo by James Jordan

I feel like the second trimester is finally here for me in the sense that finally, I'm feeling pretty good. While I notice sharp twinges in my ligaments if I move too fast, and my back gets achy if I'm in the same position too long, I'm so thankful to be rid of the nausea and exhaustion that were so much a part of early pregnancy. I'm still on Unisom and B6, because otherwise I have a tendency to get gaggy in the morning, but by and large I feel a sense of wellbeing. I feel healthy, I feel like the baby and the pregnancy are healthy, and I'm just happy and thankful for that to be the case. I feel like my whole outlook has just lifted and now I'm really enjoying myself. I still feel like I'm peeing about every 20 minutes, but that's something I can tolerate.

This morning I also woke up starving. For the most part, my appetite during pregnancy has been pretty restrained, ranging from unable-to-tolerate-food to probably just slightly under par for my pre-pregnant days. I've already noticed that I eat a little less quickly, and possibly a little less, period (though possibly also just spread out into smaller, more frequent eating). I've gained about 14 pounds so far, which is pretty much on track, although I prefer to focus on eating high-quality foods and listening to my body rather than the scale. Given that I was close to 8-1/2 pounds and Matt was close to 10, I'm not anticipating that this will be a tiny baby, and my goal is to make sure that we're both optimally nourished for things like birth and breastfeeding that lie ahead. I won't lie and say it wasn't a little anxiety-producing at first to watch the numbers of the scale escalate, but I try to keep a sense of priorities in mind and honestly, I'm at the point now where I'm pretty comfortable with where my body is at (and where it's going). Things that have sounded particularly good to me lately: oatmeal, peanut butter, and the occasional bowl of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. (Favorites: Phish Food and Peanut Butter Cup.)

Otherwise, my bra size has jumped a cup or two and the inevitable stretch marks have followed, and though my belly is considerably bigger, I don't have any there yet. My belly button is on its way out of town though, which is an interesting phenomenon. I haven't noticed much difference in my hair and nails, like lots of women talk about, although my skin has been a little crazy. For the most part, my face has stayed clear, except for constant breakouts on my chin--but the real change has been breakouts on my chest and back, something that was never really a problem before. It's interesting how pregnancy affects everybody differently...

18 week update

2009-02-07T19:04:00.003-05:00

4 weeks, 13 weeks, 15 weeks, and 18 weeks

As you can tell, I am really looking pregnant these days. I'm generally feeling pretty good, although there are still times when I'm gaggy in the morning and sleepy in the afternoon (especially after lunch and dinner). I've started to feel little flutters of activity, although nothing definitely identifiable as a kick yet. It's hard to believe that in two weeks, I'll be halfway done!

Feeling Faint

2009-02-03T21:07:00.004-05:00

...happened to me today at work, for the second time. Today I was in a training from 9-1, which actually ran until 1:30. Just before that time, I started to feel really crappy, so at least I had the good sense to sit down. Once my vision was almost totally black, I turned to the person next to me (whose face I couldn't make out) and said, "I am feeling really faint and I think maybe I need something to eat." A glass of juice, a couple of tablespoons of peanut butter, and a few minutes later, I was feeling much better.

I've always tended toward low blood sugar and feeling crappy when I don't eat at really regular intervals, and evidently pregnancy has really exaggerated this tendency. I think it was also worsened by the fact that I'd felt myself getting shaky earlier, but the only thing around was a mini-Twix, which I'd hoped would bolster my blood sugar until I could get home and eat lunch (which I usually do around 11, even when I'm at work). I think it probably caused an insulin spike which just made things worse, especially since I've more or less done my best to cut out refined sugar since I've been pregnant, and so it's not something my system was especially used to. Luckily, I was surrounded by maternity nurses at the time, who took great care of me and who didn't seem especially concerned-- the reaction from most people, when I told them, was "Well, duh, you're pregnant, and you waited too long to eat!" Still, there are few things worse than that terrible feeling you get before you're going to faint!

The game plan: drink even more water and eat even more protein, to keep my blood sugar levels steady. I have also always tended toward swelling easily (in heat, in cold, after exercise) and that too seems to be worsened by pregnancy, but I've read it can also be improved by adequate intake of protein, fluids, and salt (so that fluids stay in the cells where they belong, instead of seeping out into the extracellular space). The Natural Pregnancy is a wonderful book by a midwife and herbalist which contains tons of helpful information on nutrition and all kinds of pregnancy topics, and she recommends dandelion tea for help with circulation and swelling (and it's also a great source of all kinds of trace vitamins and minerals).

The extra protein has been a challenge for me because I've never been a voracious meat eater, and it's appealed to me even less since I've been pregnant. I'm just getting to the point where I can eat eggs again, and I drink 2-4 big glasses of milk a day, and try to eat plenty of cheese and nuts. Still, I know I could be doing better--the incident today is a reminder of that. Tomorrow is another day!

Photo update

2009-01-18T21:06:00.002-05:00

Approximately 4 weeks, 13 weeks, and 15 weeks

Again

2009-01-18T19:41:00.002-05:00

So I got cocky. Most sources will tell you that by the second trimester, morning sickness is nothing more than a bad memory. So, not having learned from previous experiences, I went a day and a half without taking my magic pills and found myself miserably hugging the commode, throwing up so hard it made my eyes and nose stream and my entire body ache. So. Especially since I had a cousin (the only childbearing female in my family in my generation thus far) who suffered from severe hyperemesis during both of her pregnancies, and seem to have a really tendency toward vomiting myself, I guess I'll take my well-meaning husband's advice and just stay on the damn medicine already.

On a more appetizing note--still unable to stomach traditional prenatal or multi-vitamins, I've found a happy substitute in Trader Joe's Gummi Vitamins...

Big Week

2009-01-14T21:52:00.002-05:00

It's been a big week for me. Literally. I've really popped out, much to the delighted commentary of everybody I work with. It's fun for Matt and me too, to at last have a tangible, visible symbol of what has occupied so much of our thoughts for the past three and a half months.

It's made me think about some of the women I take care of at work, women and their husbands, who are either terrified of birth or disgusted by it or plain inconvenienced by it, to the point that they want to schedule it in advance so that they can sufficiently numb themselves so as to avoid any connection with the process at all. I'm always surprised, when I ask dads if they want to see the baby's hair, or moms if they want to reach down and touch it, as evidence of progress during the pushing phase of labor, at how many of them look shocked and disgusted and hurriedly refuse. Really? Because this is your baby, whom you'll only give birth to this once--and the only other thing down there is your body, which you'd think one would already be reasonably acquainted with by this time.

It makes me really sad, that people can go through life wanting to cut themselves off from something so completely elemental, yet so completely miraculous and spiritual--not to mention universal--as birth.

For my part, I couldn't be more excited about being pregnant, or more anticipatory about the birth. I know that whatever happens, it will be an experience that draws Matt and me together and changes us as a family like nothing else in the world, and for that I look forward to it.

On a practical side, we have names picked out for a boy and a girl, as well as symbols picked out for each of them. Yes, symbols. Those who remember our wedding may recall that our invitations, programs, and wedding certificate (signed by those at our wedding and hanging now in our living room, with a copy of our vows printed on it) were all embellished with starfish of various sizes, a nod to having gotten married at the beach. We felt like it lent a fun unification to the whole event, and for the same reason I wanted something similar for the baby's birth announcement. The same way I felt vaguely troubled before we settled on names (at least for now), it niggled at me that I didn't know what we'd put on the baby's birth announcement.

I spent some time thinking about it, and now I have one picked out for a boy and a girl, just in case. And I feel much more settled now!

Getting Bigger, Eating Better

2009-01-10T18:34:00.004-05:00

I'm 14 weeks now, beginning to have a need for maternity jeans, and still experiencing the occasional unfortunate vomiting episode if I'm even an hour or two late taking my medications. My struggles with my stomach have made it very difficult to follow through on my high hopes of following the Brewer diet--particularly early on, I had to resort to eating whatever didn't make me sick with the thought of it, however strange or nutritionally empty, and half the time it didn't stay down anyway. I've been pretty consistently good about drinking plenty of milk, but eggs--the so-called superfood of pregnancy--largely lost their luster for me. However, this past week, I felt my appetite coming back with a vengeance, but since I was at work, I had to make do with what meager (and greasy) offerings I could find in the hospital cafeteria. Feeling sluggish as a result, I've resolved to approach my eating with fresh conviction now that I'm beginning the second trimester, I should be feeling better soon, and my expanding waistline is a constantly growing reminder that our baby is no longer the size of a piece of punctuation like he/she was in the early days, and is depending on me to meet his/her increasing nutritional needs.

Given that, I'm resolving to eat MORE of the following:

-Leafy greens
-Free-range eggs
-Red/orange fruits and vegetables
-High-protein snacks (like nuts and cheese)
-Whole grains (like bulgur and whole-wheat bread)

Doesn't exactly make for a cheap shopping cart, especially in the middle of January, but priorities are priorities. To that end, I've started making bread again (substituting half or all whole-wheat pastry flour), keeping a bowl of dark salad greens in the fridge (along with a batch of simple balsamic vinaigrette: a 3:1 ratio of olive oil to balsamic vinegar, a dash of salt, a pinch of sugar, a splash of lemon juice, a couple of cloves of crushed garlic, and some freshly ground black pepper), and packing myself nuts and cheese as a snack at work.

Since I still can't stomach prenatal vitamins and am instead determined to get my vitamins and minerals from food and herb sources, I've also started drinking Traditional Medicinals Pregnancy Tea. I was originally planning to buy loose herbs and concoct my own pregnancy tea, but since this one contains organic versions of just about every herb recommended for nutritional enhancement during pregnancy (including nettle, alfalfa, fennel, lemon verbena, and red raspberry leaf), and they can be hard to find individually around here, I went ahead and picked up a box. (I got mine at Whole Foods, but it's also available on Amazon at around $4 for 16 bags when you buy 6 boxes at a time, with free shipping.) It has a pleasant spearmint flavor, with a hint of black licorice flavor from the fennel. I like it sweetened with a good amount of honey.

You'd think I would learn

2009-01-05T15:35:00.001-05:00

But I never do. Which is why, twelve hours after deciding that at 13 weeks, my nausea and vomiting had probably abated enough to stop taking the Unisom and B6 at night, I found myself violently retching the contents of my stomach into the toilet just before heading off to work this morning.

Guess we'll go ahead and stay on that a little longer, then...

Progress So Far

2009-01-02T17:36:00.004-05:00

The picture on the left was taken October 29, when we found out I was pregnant.
The picture on the right was taken yesterday, at almost 13 weeks.

Things Are Happening

2008-12-29T10:32:00.003-05:00

photo by Mahalie

The first trimester having officially passed us by last Friday, things in the belly region finally feel like they're beginning to change. While my jeans still zip just fine (though they are low-rise), I can feel that my lower abdomen is getting rounder, as well as being a different...texture than it was before. While an expanding waistline in the nonpregnant state is usually associated with an increased squishiness around the middle, my lower belly now has the firm, "bouncy" quality I'm so familiar with from touching hundreds of pregnant bellies in the course of my job. When I lie on my stomach, it sort of feels like I've got a cantaloupe in there. Another sign that my passenger is getting bigger: the baby's heartbeat is much easier to hear with a doppler now than it was even just a week or two ago. And while I've noticed round ligament pain for a couple of weeks when I laugh or sneeze, now it's often there if I change positions quickly or wake up with a really full bladder. However--I've gone from having to urinate almost every hour back down to a much more normal frequency, and my appetite seems to be back in full force (though I'm planning to stay on the B6 and Unisom for at least another week). I do, however, continue to crave long naps and an early bedtime...in more ways than one: while several articles reassure me that my libido "should be returning" around the time of the second trimester, I think my (fatigued) husband and I would both agree that in order to be "returning," it would have had to leave!

Taking This Show on the Road

2008-12-21T09:12:00.002-05:00

We spent 18 hours in the car yesterday, during which I actually felt exceptionally good. So good, in fact, I thought I'd repeat my previous ill-fated experiment to get off of my anti-nausea cocktail. I was feeling on top of the world, keeping my food down, craving large amounts of beef, and urinating in a moving car with the assistance of a funnel and a jar (though surprisingly, the time of having to pee every 15 minutes seems to be passing...I only went three times during the whole trip!). By about midnight, though, I was starting to feel exhausted and queasy, and upon arriving at my parents' house around 1am, the first thing I did was to have the worst dry heaves I've ever had (though I will say, in an exceptionally clean toilet--thanks, Mom!). So--11 weeks and counting, but not out of the woods yet.

The Field That Rests

2008-12-15T11:31:00.005-05:00

photo by i,max

I did throw up once this weekend, but have otherwise mostly held the nausea and vomiting in check. The sleepiness? Another matter entirely! Nine hours a night plus about two hours in naps seems to be what feels good to me these days...some days I'm able to swing that, others, well, life gets in the way. One the other hand, I came across this quote today:

“Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.”

~ Ovid

and I think it's very applicable here. I try to keep in mind that I have one chance to grow this baby the best that I can, and nobody else can do it for me. I'm very fortunate to have a husband that feels the same way, which means he's willing to do pretty much everything else for me! Rather than relying on doctors and anxiously getting a bunch of expensive tests to try to insure a healthy pregnancy and baby, I'd rather rely on giving my body what it tells me it needs.

Even if that's an absurd amount of sleep (and orange juice).

10 Weeks: Picture Perfect

2008-12-12T15:23:00.002-05:00

When I first found the above graphic, I was about six weeks along (stage 17) and somewhat disheartened to learn that our baby looked like a snail with flippers. I forgot about the picture for a couple of weeks, but reopened it today (the day our baby is 10 weeks gestation, or 8 weeks of development, depending on how you're counting) and was excited to discover that we are at stage 23, a distinctly humanoid-appearing stage, which is a fun thought to entertain. Incidentally, I am also officially one-quarter of the way to my due date. Wild!

Barfing, by the Numbers

2008-12-11T13:52:00.003-05:00

Just for fun:

Times I've thrown up: 3
Ratio of public to private-residence vomiting: 2:1
Approximate frequency with which I vomit: Once every 5.33 days
Percentage of time Matt has been there to witness it/hold my hair back: 100%
Times I've vomited while actually taking B6 and Unisom: 0

Once again, I'm concluding that B6 and Unisom is a real winner for pregnancy sickness.

Not So Fast...

2008-12-11T12:12:00.002-05:00

Last night, I realized after I'd gotten in bed that I'd forgotten to take my evening cocktail--Unisom, B6, and Zantac. Too tired to get up, and somewhat curious whether I'm yet past needing it, I decided to hold off and see what happened.

What happened? What happened was that I was pulling out of the apartment complex to take Matt to work and had to promptly pull back in and throw up all over the parking lot.

So, yes, I am apparently still getting A LOT of good out of those medications, and I'll be continuing to take them for a little while yet.

From the Heart

2008-12-08T17:50:00.004-05:00

Photo by aussiegall

We heard our baby's heartbeat today! It's still pretty early, but with some patient effort, we were able to get it with a doppler for a minute or so. Crazy--there's really someone in there!

The Two Things I Can't Get Enough Of

2008-12-08T09:00:00.002-05:00

Sleep and orange juice.

Neither habit is dangerous and both are actually relatively good for me, but if I were to indulge them to the full extent of their intensity, I would get absolutely nothing done because of the former and I would quickly run out of money due to the latter. Especially since nothing but not-from-concentrate will do.

As it is, I'm sleeping probably 8-10 hours in most 24-hour periods (though it could be more, so much more!), and drinking two to three large glasses of orange juice (again, this is with some powerful self-limiting).

Part of my need for sleep seems driven by the fact that the whole time I'm sleeping, I'm having dreams of vivid, colorful intensity--even when I'm dozing or just drifting off, times I wouldn't normally be dreaming. They're not particularly stranger than they were before, but I remember them vividly and they're packed with so much detail. A sampling from last night:

-I dreamed that Matt and I were moving into a chicken coop, but we could only have the first level because upstairs was a recycling plant. We were sleeping on bunk beds and we also had a roommate, who was probably 19 or 20 but was "older" than us--so we must have been kids/ younger teenagers? My dad had apparently found us the place and he told us "I don't want to hear any complaints, I called around all day to find a place that came with a free French horn and mute." It was painted purple but they had obviously boarded up the original entrance and made a new entrance because the paint and the ramp (you know, that the chickens walk up!) didn't quite match. I was concerned about this but my dad told me "The only reason the FDA cares about that is for reasons having to do with Salmonella, and if you aren't really keeping chickens in there, it doesn't matter." I remember that I had the top bunk, and just like when I was at camp, as soon as I had expended the effort to get up there, I thought of all kinds of things (a drink, a sweatshirt, a visit to the bathroom) I should have taken care of before I got up there.

-I dreamed that my sister and I were going to the mall for some event that involved dancing and a lot of samples of spaghetti (mmm, spaghetti!). My dad was sure that we wouldn't make it back out by when we were supposed to, so he took his shoes off and crawled through the heating ducts to try to find us, even though we'd already arranged for a ride with our mom. We ended up leaving the mall (I think it was Westdale Mall in Cedar Rapids) through one of the empty stores that they'd converted into hotel rooms for the Backstreet Boys. We ran into our dad on the way out, who was very pleased with himself, but stopping to talk to him caused us to miss the ride with our mom

-I dreamed I was having an oboe lesson with my old oboe professor, who sadly committed suicide last month. It was in his front yard, and at first we just played duets and had a normal lesson, but then I couldn't hold back anymore and I said, "I really wish you hadn't done what you did." He sort of sighed and said, "I know." I said "If you had to give a reason why you did it, what would it be?" He looked at me for a long time, and he looked sort of old and sad but at the same time sort of resigned and peaceful, and said "I guess sometimes I just wasn't sure who I wanted to be anymore." There was so much more I wanted to ask him--and tell him; he never knew that I was pregnant, as far as I know--but then I woke up.

I guess that will have to do for now.

If It's Not One Thing...

2008-12-03T17:04:00.004-05:00

...it's another. First of all, I've been reluctant to say this so far, but after 3 pretty nausea-free days, I'm cautiously optimistic that the B6/Unisom/Zantac combination is working. I've been eating pretty regular amounts at regular intervals, and while I'm still occasionally gaggy, I haven't thrown up either, and the crippling, stuck-on-the-couch-in-misery nausea seems to be a thing of the past. I hope.

However, The Tired has kicked in full force. It's not so much when I'm going about my business, like at work or doing something active at home, but if I slow/sit down for as much as a minute I'm overtaken by this delicious weariness that says seductively how nice it would be just to lie my head down, just for a minute, and the next thing I know I've slept away the evening (or, in today's case, an entire 7-hour day). In my defense, I am just coming off of working nights, and I am using an OTC sleep aid as a nausea remedy (but, I'm using that at night, which is when I seem to have MORE trouble sleeping, so honestly I'm not inclined to blame that), and there IS a nasty cold/flu bug going around at work (which I've found myself much less likely to pick up if I listen to my body's demands for extra sleep). So I'm not really complaining--and, as I said, it's a sleepiness that just feels so good to give into--but merely noting that it's here.

And I will take it over feeling pukish ANY day.

Now With Unisom!

2008-11-30T18:36:00.003-05:00

After spending most of today feeling just wretched, I decided it's time to add the Unisom to my battling-morning-sickness regimen. So we headed out to CVS and were able to pick up a 32-count of generic doxylamine succinate for $8.99. Apparently there's also a version that's made with diphenhydramine (Benadryl), but the doxylamine is what you want for morning sickness.

Feeling desperate, I went ahead and took one with dinner, along with a B6, figuring that if it made me sleepy, I still had several hours to sleep it off before going in to work at 11.

I don't know if it was a coincidence or not, but within about an hour, I had a pretty solid craving for some macaroni and cheese. Luckily, we'd bought some while we were at Aldi's this week--along with an embarrassing number of other convenience foods. What can I say--desperate times call for desperate measures, and the only things that sound good to me lately are things that don't require much cooking, even if somebody else is doing the cooking. Which is why, for probably the first time in our marriage, our cart contained things like mac n cheese, Spaghettios (!!), and chicken pot pies. And...White Cheddar Cheez-Its. So anyway, we whipped up the mac (topped with homemade hot sauce!) and so far I'm feeling really good, by far the best I've felt all day. Maybe even all week.

I'm consoling myself with the thought that my prepregancy diet, as well as my diet up until about 7 weeks when I started to feel so sick, was notoriously low in processed foods, and that I'm committed to returning to such a diet once my sickness resolves (which I'm hoping will be within the month). I'll have a good number of months to be concerned about food choices, but for right now, my main worry is just getting food in and keeping it in, period. And if it takes an OTC decongestant and a few processed foods to get me there, I'm just going to stay flexible about it.

So Far, So...Blah.

2008-11-30T01:46:00.003-05:00

Vitamin B6 and antacid notwithstanding, it seems like I still have some pretty crappy-feeling days, generally interspersed with a good day in between (though I will say I feel like my heartburn has nearly resolved). Yesterday was great--we went to a dinner party and I ate pretty much like a normal person. Today? I woke up, threw up, and it's been downhill ever since.

I guess there's hope for tomorrow...

Or at least for the second trimester.

Let's Work On This

2008-11-26T18:14:00.004-05:00

Tired of feeling like crap all the time, I've decided to get more assertive than ginger and small meals for my all-day sickness. The next two steps in my arsenal? Vitamin B6 and an antacid.

Thinking back, I remember that we prescribed Vitamin B6 and a drug called Unisom back at Iowa for morning sickness all the time, and I was interested to read this article and this one, which quote the head of OB-GYN at UI in recommending it. The dosage the doctor recommends is 75 mg of Vitamin B6 a day, split into three doses. I was able to get 50, 50-mg tablets for $2.99 at Whole Foods (meaning you could probably get more for less just about anywhere else, but that's where we were), so if I split those tablets I should be able to get over a month's worth of dosages out of it--and by that time, I should be almost 12 weeks, and hopefully feeling better.
Apparently, the effectiveness of the B6 is increased by adding the over-the-counter sleep medication called Unisom (which is an antihistamine, much like Benadryl). The combination used to be available in an over-the-counter morning sickness aid called Bendectine, which faced some lawsuits alleging it caused birth defects. According to doctors at UI and Johns Hopkins quoted in the article above, the lawsuits were overturned, and the drug's ingredients are considered safe to be taken together in early pregnancy, though Bendectine is no longer available as such.

At this point, I think I'm going to start with Vitamin B6 and an antacid, and go from there. I'm not opposed to adding the Unisom if my symptoms don't get better, but when it comes to medications--even over-the-counter ones, especially during pregnancy--I like to start low and slow. As for the antacid--a big part of my symptoms involves heartburn, apparently due to the relaxing effects of the hormone progesterone on my esophageal sphincter. I've suffered with heartburn and various gastritises throughout my life as well, including being diagnosed with a weak esophageal sphincter back in my teens, so I'm not at all surprised that it's resurging right now. I've also been on a variety of courses of daily acid-suppressing medications, including Zantac as a teenager and most recently, Aciphex just before we got married last summer. Based on my past experience, it seems like acid production might again be at the core of my stomach problems--they get progressively worse during the day, I get very nauseated by nighttime, and then I wake up in the morning not at all nauseous, but with a lingering achy soreness in my stomach, probably a result of being exposed to so much acid throughout the day and the night.

So what to do? I could pop Tums like crazy, like a lot of pregnant women do, but I feel like that really more treats the symptoms (neutralizing the acid once the problem develops) rather than the problem (shutting off some of the acid production at the source), and since they're calcium-based, can also lead in extreme cases to an electrolyte imbalance. Since I've had really good luck treating my past stomach problems with acid inhibitors, I think I'm going to give that a try. Ranitidine (Zantac) is the one I have on hand right now, and so I'm going to start with that once or twice a day.

There aren't a ton of studies on acid-suppressing drugs during pregnancy, but there are a few, and they appear to be very safe. As I've said before, I think every pregnant woman needs to educate herself about the choices facing her, and make ones she feels she can live with. These are mine.

So That's What That Taste Means

2008-11-25T23:27:00.002-05:00

In a fun, ironic twist, not 15 minutes after I wrote the last post, I was complaining of the metallic taste in my mouth and one of Matt's coworkers, who has had two children, said "Oh, I remember that! It always happened right before I would throw up." I demurred, saying that I didn't actually vomit with my "morning" sickness, just felt terribly nauseous. I did ask Matt if we could walk out to the drugstore and get some gum, though, since the taste was getting really sickening even though I'd just brushed my teeth.

We were no sooner on the hotel steps than that familiar, hot-flash, saliva-running-like-a-faucet feeling hit me. I looked around desperately and managed to spot a garbage can across the street. Tearing off my scarf as we walked, I got there just in time to launch an amazing technicolor performance into the trash. A real kaleidescope yawn extraordinaire--I don't know where it all came from. It just kept coming.

Thankfully, I felt better after I did it, but this does represent a whole new low, on several different levels. And that metallic taste? I won't be taking it lightly in the future.

...No, It Can't.

2008-11-24T19:44:00.002-05:00

I'm still feeling pretty nauseated, although with the interesting twist that it's now become a sort of inverse morning sickness--one in which I feel fine when I get up, do fairly well at breakfast, eat OK at lunch and then descend into a spiral of nausea that culminates in lying in bed in the fetal position at night, wishing for a swift deliverance.

Another interesting symptom I'm having is an odd, sort of metallic taste in my mouth which apparently isn't uncommon.

And heavy, tender breasts are pretty much a given, but I'm perplexed to note that the advice on the subject seems to be focused on increasing your time spent in a bra--wear a snug bra, wear it longer (like overnight??), wear it more of the time. I've noticed that the only relief I get is at the end of the day, when I take my bra off--so just on a whim, I tried wearing a sweater with nothing but a camisole under it today, and lo and behold, I find myself nearly symptom-free on that front. Which makes intuitive sense to me, even if it does fly in the face of all the advice I can find.

So in other words--I'm hanging in there, but excited for the days ahead when I've got more to show for my gestating than a sour stomach and a pitiful appetite.

Can it be?

2008-11-21T10:51:00.003-05:00

I've actually had two relatively nausea-free days in a row! Yesterday was sort of odd in that we got up around 4am and were at the airport by about 5, and just as I was getting out of the cab, I was hit hard--not with nausea, but just the overwhelming bodily urge to throw up. The hard swallowing, the rapid salivation, the hot flashes, the whole nine yards. I kept frantically looking around for a place to do it and finding none suitable. I must have swallowed a gallon of saliva while looking around in a panic. By the time I found a bathroom, though, the urge had passed. And again--this wasn't the intense queasiness I've been feeling for the past week, it was just an urge, like that of a sneeze, to throw up. I didn't, but I came the absolute closest I have yet. But honestly--I'll take a quick and dirty vomiting session over just feeling like I'm going to, all day, day after day.

Other than that, I feel good! I know a lot of women complain of first-trimester tiredness, but I feel more or less like my old self, who has always worked hard, played hard, and slept hard.

And while I'm not showing or anything, and I've only gained 1.5 pounds, I realized while getting dressed for a reception last night that my body nonetheless doesn't have quite the same relationship to a certain fitted pair of black dress pants anymore. So things are definitely shifting, if not visibly yet.

All in all, it's great to be feeling better, and I'm crossing my fingers that it's going to stick. We continue to be very excited about the baby and becoming parents together, and I've thought to myself so many times that I don't know how women do this who don't have a loving, patient, sympathetic partner to pick up the slack when they feel like lying around with their head in the toilet all day. But I do, and I'm so grateful. Thank you, Matt: you're a wonderful husband and you'll be an incredible father.

From There to Here

2008-11-19T17:35:00.003-05:00

All day yesterday, I just felt like total and utter dog crap. I was horribly nauseated, my sinuses were stuffed up, I had a bad tension headache, and my body ached all over. After work, I came home with chills and the shakes (though surprisingly, no fever) and fell asleep right after dinner. I felt terrible. I felt like I had the plague.

Then, I woke up this morning and felt FABULOUS. Full of energy, no longer nauseous, body aches gone. That continued all day. I didn't have a ton of appetite for breakfast (of course, at 6am, who does?) but I downed a glass of juice (can I just say that there are no words to say how much I LOVE ORANGE JUICE these days? --though only not from concentrate) and one of milk with no problem. Then at work, I got starving hungry at around 9:50 and bolted down to the cafeteria in a panic before it closed at 10. There was one lonely sausage and egg muffin sitting underneath the heat lamps, just calling my name. The guy in front of me was in the process of asking, "Well, how old is it?" The cafeteria worker shrugged and said "I don't know, it's just kind of dried up and not...fresh." I butted him aside and said "Well, do you want it or not?" He gave me sort of a disgusted look and said "Uh, no." I snatched it up and bought it--with a huge thing of orange juice.

Heaven.

And I've felt awesome all day, despite running my butt off at work for nine hours.

It's given me an appreciation for just how good I actually feel most of the time. Sometimes I look at all that Matt and I do in the name of health, the chemicals we shun and the crazy way we do things, and I wonder if it makes a difference. Now, I'm fairly convinced it does. It took being knocked on my butt for a day to realize that honestly, most of the time I am fairly bursting with energy, and that's something I'm very grateful for.

Now, it remains to be seen whether this is the beginning of an upswing, or just a fluke...

The Nausea Has Landed

2008-11-16T12:47:00.003-05:00

I've now progressed from an "odd feeling" to full-on nausea and gagging (though thank goodness, not vomiting) for several hours of every day. Here are some things that have made me gag in the past few days:

-Holding a warm urine specimen at work
-Catching Scratches chewing on a piece of pork fat we'd left out in the kitchen
-Hearing Matt talk about cutting up a deer
-Opening the fridge and seeing...all that...food
-Just talking about some of the more off-putting smells that come up at work

I haven't actually been to work since the nausea has really taken off, so it will be really interesting to see how that goes. We made up a batch of homemade ginger beer and sipping that seems to help somewhat (unless I get a piece of ginger stuck on my tongue, and then all bets are off), but mostly I just have to wait for it to pass. Ick.

One of my other pressing symptoms is a terrible indecision. I'm usually pretty opinionated, and fairly intuitive about my decisions. Not now. Just the decision of something really basic like "What should we do first--this or this?" is enough to make me feel panicked and helpless. Which would be fine, if only my life or my job or, you know, impending parenthood didn't require any kind of decisionmaking.

Then What Is It?

2008-11-12T12:40:00.003-05:00

It's kind of like fatigue, but not quite...
Kind of like dizzy, but not exactly...
Kind of like nauseous, but not entirely.

Not that naming it would make the feeling any more comfortable...

The day seems to come in phases:

When I first get up, I feel really good, and often hungry. But when I eat, I feel full after just a few bites.

Mid-morning, between about 9 and 11, I'm pretty energetic and get increasingly hungry and usually eat lunch around 11 or 11:30.

It seems like after lunch, I feel progressively worse for most of the afternoon. Sick, tired, restless.

Dinnertime is kind of hit or miss.

I start to feel better shortly after dinner, which lasts until about 9:00. Then I abruptly start to feel exhausted and nauseous, and usually fall asleep by about 9:30.

If you can see any rhyme or reason to that pattern, bless you, because I certainly can't.

On Second Thought...

2008-11-10T19:53:00.002-05:00

I got a piece of apple peel caught in my throat today while I was eating homemade applesauce and I retched so hard I almost threw up. So I think I might peel the apples next time.

Funny Parenting Comics

2008-11-08T20:55:00.003-05:00

Disclaimer: Navelgazing Midwife (the page I'm sending you to) has a lovely header graphic (and I do mean graphic) that involves a radiant naked pregnant woman.

That said, here they are.

Pregnancy, Naturally

2008-11-08T20:05:00.003-05:00

photo by viewerblur

Let me start by saying that this morning, in typical fashion, we got up and made a batch of banana-walnut pancakes with brown sugar syrup. In not-so-typical fashion, we got really fired up about making a batch of decaf.

I'll admit that Matt and I have always kind of derided decaf coffee as a waste of time, something enjoyed by those who were as likely to appreciate a cup of hot prune juice. Well, pregnancy changes a lot of things.

And while there are sources that say it's OK to enjoy the occasional cup of coffee during pregnancy, there are others that say it's probably not a good idea, and my instincts tell me that at least this early, it's probably best to abstain. So decaf it is, and it was actually very good.

Here's the rundown on what else we're avoiding during pregnancy:

1. BPA. We've talked about it before. Sadly, our shatterproof French press carafe is, you guessed it, plastic #7. Our stovetop espresso maker is aluminum, which may not be much better, so as soon as it's in the budget we'll probably get a glass carafe for the French press. In the meantime, we're sipping very lightly, but there are those times when a Saturday morning just cries out for a hot beverage. We were drinking a lot of chai, which has the benefit of an entire cup of milk per serving, but now I'm running low on spices.

2. Teflon. We've switched entirely to cooking in cast-iron or stainless steel, and while we've had some sticky moments, we've found that tips like preheating the pan and using a liberal amount of butter have allowed us to enjoy (practically) stick-free eggs, pancakes, and everything else.

3. High-fructose corn syrup. I haven't seen research stating this is specifically bad for developing embryos (if it exists, it's probably been suppressed by the AMA anyway!), but it's a nutritional void at best (and therefore displaces healthier foods I could be eating) and a contributor to chronic disease at worst. No thanks. And now that I think about it, it's been linked to diabetes, which contributes to all kinds of problems in pregnancy.

4. Ultrasounds. I'm not planning on one at all--we don't want to know the sex, if there was something "wrong" with the baby it wouldn't change our plans any, and they haven't been proven to be safe in pregnancy. They may even be harmful.

5. Pesticides. The link is to an article from the EU, but my uneducated guess is that they're probably using far FEWER pesticides than we are--they're just more open about it. And according to Maternal, Neonatal, and Women's Health Nursing, over fifty pesticides are known teratogens, and they're suspected to increase the rates of miscarriage, fetal death, and physical malformations such as cleft lip and extra fingers. So we're going organic whenever we can.

6. Cosmetics. A host of chemicals abound in these, but in particular phthalates (how could you trust a word spelled like that anyway?) chemicals found in MOST cosmetics and many soaps and shampoos, have been linked to cancer, birth defects, and the feminization of male fetuses. The only beauty product I still use is Pantene Pro-V shampoo, and I'm trying to wean myself. I use castile soap for everything else, and for moisturizer, I use a couple of drops of jojoba oil mixed with a drop of tea tree oil, and if I do say so myself, my skin has never looked better. And then you know about the deodorant and aluminum and all, but I'll say it again--these days, we're using a 50/50 blend of cornstarch and baking soda with a couple of drops of tea tree oil for its antibacterial and anti-odor properties. And I've been told I smell pretty good.

Typical pregnancy worries we're not really concerned about (and why):

1. Toxoplasmosis. Traditional pregnancy advice was to get rid of your cat; in recent years, that's softened to having someone else change the litterbox, in order to avoid contracting the parasite, which can adversely affect a developing fetus. But being that toxoplasma is ingested through eating infected prey, and our 100% indoor cats subsist entirely on a diet of dry food (supplemented with the occasional cricket), I'm not worried (though I don't argue with Matt when he offers to change the litter, either). (I'm also sort of confused as to why changing the cat litter is associated with "ingesting infected cat feces." I, uh, have never found that to be part of my litterbox-changing routine, but maybe I'm doing something wrong.)

2. Soft-cooked eggs. We know the farmer who provides our eggs and we've met the chickens, and as such we know they're kept in very clean, natural conditions. Hard-cooked eggs (or dry scrambled eggs) make me want to barf, so I'd rather just eat high-quality eggs that are unlikely to be infected with Salmonella.

3. The same goes for unpasteurized milk, cheese, and apple cider. Once again, I believe that if you know your supplier and he/she is following strict, safe practices, you're probably eating safer food than what is put into the general anonymous food supply under the assumption that "pasteurization will kill whatever gets in there anyway." I also believe that these foods have other health benefits that are destroyed by high heat. Yes, there are risks in life, but people have been eating these foods (pregnant or not) for centuries, and it appears they've only been hardier for it. If you want to see a robust bunch of babies and children (and women who don't appear to have any trouble carrying a pregnancy--or two, or ten--to full-term), just look at the Amish.

3. The occasional glass of wine--in my third trimester. For now, we're on the wagon.

4. Counting calories. Conventional wisdom says the average, normal-weight woman should gain 25-35 pounds during pregnancy, but some doctors have considered dropping that down to 15-20. This article has a breakdown of where the extra weight goes during pregnancy, for a total of 25 pounds--but you'll notice it has nothing allotted for a few pounds of fat storage, which your body puts on instinctively to provide calories that can be immediately released for breastfeeding. (It also assumes a 7-8lb baby; I was about 8-1/2 and Matt was close to ten, so I'm not anticipating much less than a nine-pounder.) If you strictly limit your weight in the hopes of avoiding putting on a few pounds of stored energy, your body will divert the resources it should be using toward your baby and your placenta. And I'm convinced this probably has something to do with why so many American women have trouble with their milk supply. I can't tell you how many women I've had deliver their babies, then when I offer them some juice or ginger ale afterwards, ask me if we carry "anything diet." I'm not advocating free-for-all weight gain, but I am saying that the priority in the immediate days postpartum is making enough milk to nourish your baby--NOT slipping back into your high-school jeans! The kicker? Women who follow a restrictive diet are more likely to gain large amounts of weight when pregnant than those who don't. As such, I'm loosely following the Brewer diet (which emphasizes high-protein, high-quality natural foods "to appetite," including a quart of milk and two eggs a day, as a means to give your body and your baby's body the building blocks they need for a healthy pregnancy), eating until I'm satisfied, and avoiding junk food.

On a similar note, Grist has a pretty rational checklist for avoiding toxins in pregnancy, and I was happy to see that most of what we're already doing matches right up with what they recommend, right down to avoiding Teflon pans (though they do still bang the drum against cat litter, and also list as safe a number of the products the Dr Bronner suit has proven to have unhealthy petrochemicals in them). In the end, I think every woman has to educate herself and follow her intuition about what's right for her and her baby--because this video, while inspiring, shows us where you can end up by having blind faith in the medical establishment.

(Stereo)Typical

2008-11-07T13:38:00.005-05:00

photo by Zombizi

In what may be my first stereotypical pregnancy craving, I woke up this morning with Chinese food on the brain. Which is funny, because I haven't eaten it in at least a year and it's never been something that drove me wild. I do remember my mom saying she ate a ton of Chinese food when she was pregnant with me, so maybe it's something that was hardwired, waiting for the right time to express itself. Of course, 7am is the exact wrong time to have any hopes of getting your hands on any, so I settled for our regular breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast.

Also, yesterday morning Matt stomped on a cave cricket and squished it, and I gagged so hard I think the neighbors could hear it.

Inquiring Minds Want to Know...

2008-11-03T14:57:00.007-05:00

photo by Oberazzi

...how I'm feeling, apparently. It's very kind of everybody to ask. And since I won't be needing this blog for issues of conception prevention anymore, I thought I'd go ahead and use it as sort of a pregnancy diary. That way, as with the birth control issue, those readers of our regular blog who are interested in the minutiae of our reproductive life can tune in, and those who prefer more general fare can stay over at MattnKatie. So consider yourself warned!

How I'm feeling: for the most part, great. In the VERY early weeks of being pregnant (when I didn't know but suspected), my major symptom was feeling incredibly hot all the time. This is unusual for me, because I usually run a little chilly. It makes sense though, because my basal temp was up (and has stayed up--this morning was a record 98.5, when my normal basal was around 97.0).

Then I had the classic--breast tenderness. Hard to differentiate it from premenstrual tenderness at the beginning, but it seems now to have shifted into a more distinct category (though still very tolerable) and also seems to be translating into having... a little more up top than I did previously. I'll take that!

Energy level: Matt and I both noticed that I also seemed to bound out of bed at 5am in a way that was distinctly uncharacteristic. A friend who's been pregnant before asked me, "Do you find yourself waking up really early, feeling all one with the earth and natural?" Yes, I do. Though if I do go back to sleep, I could stay there all day. Throughout the day, my energy level has been great, maybe even a little better than before. Is that hormones or excitement? Hard to tell.

Every so often I'll start to get the smallest twinge of queasiness, but it seems to go away if I eat something. I've beefed up the protein content in my diet (more on that later), and also made it even more of a priority to eat at regular intervals, and I'm praying that morning sickness might just pass me by entirely. Probably wishful thinking, but heading into 5 weeks, I'm cautiously optimistic since I've heard a number of people say they were really sick before that time.

I've been a little bit achy and crampy, but only just noticeably so.

And I peed about once an hour before I got pregnant, so if anything, I'd say that might even be a little less.

For the record, my hunch is saying boy (yes, we've talked about names, and no, we won't be sharing them ahead of time), although I'm notoriously wrong about other women's pregnancies --even more often than the 50/50 statistic would project. Does that mean it's in fact probably a girl, or are my powers of prediction more astute now that it's my own? Either way--we're ALL going to have to wait nine months to find out.

Beyond that, I might be a little quicker to tears than I was before, but we've always had a pretty emotionally open household and so that isn't anything dramatic. My main emotional symptom has been sort of disbelief--especially since I'm feeling pretty good so far, I don't really "feel" pregnant, and so Matt and I are prone to saying to each other "Dude, you know what's weird? We're going to have a baby." I'm sure it will all start to feel a little more real with time.

Or....Not.

2008-10-31T08:52:00.005-04:00

Just when I was pondering the irony of an anovulatory cycle when Fertility Awareness Husband and I had decided we were open to the idea of adding a little one to the Fertility Awareness Family, my charting suddenly departed from the confusing pattern it had followed while we were traveling, and instead started looking more like this:

Which really looks a lot like this:

As confirmed a couple of days later by this:

So what about my supposed anovulation? When I looked at my chart more closely, it was really only 2 or 3 aberrant temps (while we were traveling, no less) that made it look like my pattern was...not a pattern. If you cover those up (as I've done below), it's actually a very distinguishable pattern of low temps, followed by high temps. And given that we were monitoring other signs, trying to conceive, and, you know, you get the picture, we realized that the odds were (hopefully) in our favor. I was confident enough that by the day I expected my period and didn't get it, we went ahead and bought a pregnancy test.So. Life after birth control really begins...

Putting a Name With the Face

2008-10-22T11:40:00.003-04:00

The name? Anovulation. After many days of up-and-down temps, and start-and-stop eggwhite fluid, I've come to the conclusion that I'm in an anovulatory cycle. As Toni Weschler notes in Taking Charge of Your Fertility, "travel is notorious for wreaking havoc with ovulation." That would certainly make sense. The clincher?

Example of an anovulatory cycle from TCOYF

My current cycle

They could be twins, right?

Anovulatory cycles are the trickiest of all because you don't know IF or WHEN you will either ovulate or menstruate. Either one could show up at almost any time. So, after the smugness of a textbook-perfect cycle right out of the blocks, I've now got this to contend with.

Back, and Confused

2008-10-15T09:17:00.004-04:00

Photo by B Tal

Well, we've successfully been to the West Coast and back. As predicted, my temperatures were all over the map, but I thought I was fine even so, because I had three days of totally obvious eggwhite-quality cervical fluid, up to and including the day we flew back. We all know what to expect next, right? Thermal shift!

However, it's now been two days since then; and while I didn't have a solid baseline to go off of before, both of my temps since returning have been LOWER than the rest of this cycle. In Seattle, they were up in the 97.6-97.7 range. Given the change in time and activity, I would not have been surprised if they'd stayed the same, which could possibly have been interpreted as an actual net rise, since I wasn't taking my temperature at 2am (5am East Coast time, when I usually do it), and knowing that temperature rises about 1/10 of a degree for each 30-60 minutes you sleep in. Instead, I've had temps around 97.0--my previous baseline.

So, I have to figure that my body geared up to ovulate, but possibly because of the traveling and time change, didn't actually do it. Because even if, say, I were pregnant, I should still have had a temperature rise (and then high temperatures lasting for weeks). The fact that my temperature, if anything, has dropped seems like it can only mean that I haven't ovulated.

Yet.

I guess we'll just stay on the lookout for it.

Time change

2008-10-06T20:09:00.004-04:00

Photo by Leo Reynolds

I'm working nights this week, which means I'm waking up between 3 and 4pm instead of 5 and 6 am. It also means that taking my temperature after "3 hours of uninterrupted sleep" is a difficult task, because that's a hard commodity to come by when you're sleeping during the day. So I just take it when I first get up--in today's case, 3pm, which is 10 hours after I usually take it, and I'd also gotten up twice already to go to the bathroom.

As such, I wasn't surprised to see my temperature out of whack (97.5 as opposed to my normal 96.9-97.2). To make matters more complicated, we're also traveling to the West Coast this week, meaning that after having just shifted my body clock by 10-12 hours, I will then have to adjust it back 12 hours to get back on days, and then back another 3 hours to get in the right time zone. Then readjust it 3 hours forward when we come back, travel all day, and work first thing the next morning. I get the feeling this will wreak havoc on more than just my basal temperature! Incidentally, I'm curious to see whether this will delay or otherwise affect ovulation, or have any other effect on my cycle.

Reflections On My Cycle

2008-10-03T12:53:00.008-04:00

photo by Wonderlane

As I come to the close of my first full cycle, I'm reflective as to the significance of it--this event that's common to the lives of childbearing women everywhere.

For the past two days, I've found myself with a catch in my throat for reasons I can't name. It's not that anything in my life has changed; but on the other hand, it's not as if I don't have any reason for sadness, either. I'm not perplexed by the emotion, which seems fitting and right based on what's going on in my life right now; it simply feels like the veil between the undercurrents of my life and my daily experiences is somehow thinner. And today, I found myself feeling melancholy in a nearly inexplicable way that I often do during fall. There's something about it that has always gotten to me, even as a child. When you grow up starting school in August, it's a time of new beginnings; looking at nature, you also realize it's a time of endings. There's a tension there which shares a fine border with sadness, and it has nothing to do with your conscious thought. Your body bleeds and grieves without your permission.

When I revisited the Menstruation chapter of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, I found that Northrup also compares the seasonal cycle to the menstrual cycle, in terms of energy and awareness. Spring and summer, along with ovulation, are typically times of great inspiration and fullness. Fall and winter, along with menstruation, are seen as times for quiet and reflection. So it seems as though I've got a double whammy right now. While I don't quite feel the need to retreat from Fertility Awareness Husband and spend a week in the red tent, we've both remarked that we can see the utility of such a practice, especially in cultures that don't especially encourage emotional openness between spouses. For our own part, we've spent the past week continuing to be very emotionally open with each other; I've made a particular effort to be nice to myself; and I found great solace and comfort today in spending a long time talking things out with my mother. This might sound stereotypical or overly simplistic, but to me, it's just doing what comes naturally. It just seems to make sense. As Northrup notes on pages 134-135:

"We have been taught to be suspicious of these natural energies--and too many women see them as a weakness that needs to be overridden and ignored. Heaven forbid we should take a break from getting it all done!

"The second half of the menstrual cycle and autumn are times when the tide is out and everything that you don't want to see on the muddy bottom of the bay is uncovered for all to see. Women need to learn to pay attention to the information available to them at these times of the month and of the year. Think of this information as compost that you'll be using to create new growth in your life once the light comes back."

Period.

2008-09-30T15:52:00.002-04:00

So exciting! Set up the red tent! Exactly thirteen days after my peak day (and presumed ovulation). Another thing I like about FAM: charting not only gives you an excellent idea of when to expect your period (the number of days between ovulation and menstruation varies from woman to woman, but is generally very consistent for each woman), but checking your cervix (or having it checked) also gives you a more helpful heads-up that it's arrived than, say, waiting to bleed through a pair of pants. I went from no spotting at all yesterday, to a little bit of blood with a cervical check this morning, to an almost-full Keeper cup at the end of the day. (When I was on birth control, I had barely that much flow the entire week!) Speaking of which, if you're not using one yet, I highly recommend it. And if you haven't read this, I'd recommend that too. Another very woman- and period-positive resource is here. It was reading Northrup's chapters on things like self-care and menstrual wisdom that actually made me jealous of women who were cycling, and that started our whole journey toward fertility awareness.

Another thing I like about being off of birth control: my body and I get the blame and the credit for everything. If I'm teary? It's not because I'm on the pill, so maybe something is really wrong. And when people used to tell me "You have pretty skin," I'd say "Oh, everybody does when they're on the pill." But you know what? I'm off the pill, having my period, and my skin still looks nice, if I do say so myself. Maybe it was me all along.

First Thermal Shift!

2008-09-20T20:11:00.005-04:00

Like clockwork, after two days of unmistakable eggwhite-quality cervical fluid, I experienced a dramatic, almost half-degree temperature shift. (My normal basal temp is between 96.9 and 97.2; it jumped up to 97.6 and has continued to rise to 97.8.)I'm on my third consecutive day of high temps now, and I'm also three days post-fertile fluid. All right on schedule, and as long as everything remains the same, tomorrow I should enter my post-ovulatory infertile phase. It's the phase that generally lasts between 12 and 16 days for almost all women; more than 18 high temps in a row are considered to be a pretty foolproof sign of pregnancy. So in a couple of weeks I'll know if we've been successful at using FAM for birth control, or if we unwittingly used it to conceive!

Here are the rules of FAM as I'm using it, based on the fertility awareness method as outlined by Toni Weschler in Taking Charge of Your Fertility:

-You are safe (to have otherwise unprotected intercourse) the first five days of the menstrual cycle (first day of your period is always day 1) if you had an obvious tempereature shift 12 to 16 days before. (If you didn't have a temperature shift, you may not have ovulated, and so the bleeding you're having is considered potentially a fertile sign)

-Before ovulation, you are safe the evening of a dry day

-You are safe the evening of the third consecutive day your temperature is above the coverline. (The coverline is a line you draw one-tenth above the highest LOW temp you have prior to ovulation.)

-You are safe the evening of the fourth consecutive day after your peak day. (Your peak day is the LAST day of fertile-quality fluid, which obviously you only know in hindsight!) This is considered not just eggwhite, stretchy fluid but also "creamy" fluid, which is a little hard for me to distinguish from normal vaginal dampness. If anything will be our downfall in terms of determining fertility, this will be it...

There's a lot more detail to it than that, so obviously you'll want to check out a book for yourself if you're anticipating using the method, but I thought I'd outline a little background on what's going on with me.

It was really exciting to see the thermal shift, especially right on cue. It made me feel like my body is some kind of science experiment that's actually working. I'm also pleasantly surprised that it occurred so soon after going off the Pill, since I know that that's not always the case.

Missing my fertility awareness blogger

2008-09-16T17:32:00.002-04:00

We are super excited about the eggwhitey appearance today, but it is hard for us too because my wife is away this week, and her cervical checker (me) cannot be there to do his job. That may be too graphic for some people, but here is a surprise--we do more daring things than daily cervical checks. If your husband is game, I would highly recommend getting him involved on the action. I was really enjoying getting to know my wife's body, and it is a big bummer to be away during this big event. But, I know it will come around again.

Miss you and love you wife!

The Eggwhite Has Landed!

2008-09-16T16:47:00.003-04:00

Shortly after I was beginning to despair that my fertility was never going to return, and feeling frustrated at the dead-end nature of charting completely consistent temperatures and a basic infertile pattern of cervical fluid, I was surprised and excited to find today that I have been experiencing a moderate to large amount of stretchy, eggwhite-quality cervical fluid. Hooray! I'm hoping to see a thermal shift in a few days to confirm ovulation, and then we'll be on our way to having some hard, helpful data about the length and characteristics of my cycles. The only sad part is that I'm traveling right now, so my husband, who has patiently hung in there for two weeks of fertility checks so far, missed the big event. Next month!

Getting Closer

2008-09-09T20:28:00.004-04:00

I should begin by saying "heck yes" about my wife's previous post. We are definitely do-it-yourselfers, and have been steadily getting away from anything unnatural. But, this is an interesting time for a couple to choose to undertake such a project. A number of weeks ago, we thought that our marriage was shaken to the point that it might have came apart completely. We are so very glad that it didn't, but both of us are still dealing with the aftermath of this. So, it would seem sort of wild to some to try something that, if you are not careful, could end up in an unplanned pregnancy. But, we are the fearless type, and we work to keep our faith and our values in front of everything that we do. And so, bodily health, simplicity, communication, and a loving act, all of which describe the many good parts of the fertility awareness method, made the method seem to be not just a good option, but a necessity.

We feel like, as my wife previously said, that this is already pulling us closer together. Waking up at 5am with someone to take there basal temp will do this, but even more will daily cervical checks. I have been enjoying doing the checks a lot, but as we still go through our relationship ups and downs, I realize truly how much trust it takes to let someone, even your husband, do this. When we are not feeling particularly close, there is nothing like a mucus or cervical check to help us realize, "Well, you better get close." I have seen my lovely go through a gynecology exam, and have seen how uncomfortable that is, so I never want what I do to come anywhere near to that. Being in this intimate series of daily checks together has helped us to keep in mind that we are doing this for each other, and being comfortable, loving, and communicative is just as important as the charting or the checks. If we were not close or at least working to be close, why would we do it. No potential for closeness means no potential for sex, which means not much of a point for fertility awareness.

So anyway, we are doing well lately, even with the ups and downs. And I love my wife and deeply appreciate this time to learn more about her cycles. I am really so excited to see what affects this may have on her body, and where this will take our relationship. No matter what, I am sure that it will be exciting.

Why the Fertility Awareness Method?

2008-09-09T16:37:00.003-04:00

After being happy on the pill for some time, and enjoying not only reliable contraception but also such side benefits as clearer skin, more regular/less painful/lighter periods, and a slightly inflated cup size, sometimes I wonder myself. As an OB nurse, I have an awareness of and access to the wide variety of contraceptive options out there. If I was sick of the pill, I could have opted for the patch, the ring, an IUD, a female condom...but I didn't.

There is no one reason, nothing that came to me like a bolt of lightening. Instead, it was a series of gradual realizations. One was that as I started to believe more and more in natural birth--in the idea that synthetic oxytocin isn't as good as the real thing, that the body and its hormones have powers and purposes beyond our current comprehension--the more that idea seemed applicable to the regular old menstrual cycle, too. What bodily wisdom was I defying by eliminating such an ancient and mysterious cycle?

The more I sought to avoid hormones in my milk and yogurt, the less sense it made to be swallowing them twenty-one out of every twenty-eight mornings.

The more we thought about having kids in the next few years, the more sense it made to try to let my body do what came instinctively instead of artificially regulating my cycles. I've tried to go largely organic and stopped eating fish high in mercury with the hopes that I will keep from bioaccumulating too many toxins--toxins which naturally concentrate themselves in the human placenta and breastmilk--did it make sense to be downing synthetic estrogen and progesterone up until such time as I was ready to have a baby?

And as we grapple with how to keep sex in marriage exciting, the idea of regular "courtship and honeymoon" periods (as one book put it), coupled with an increase in communication as well as a true partnership when it came to birth control, appealed to us.

We've also become crunchy, frugal do-it-ourself-ers, meaning that if there's something we can make or do at home, we're loathe to pay for somebody (or something) else to do it for us.

Take all of this together and then enter the books at right, which we came across on a shelf at our favorite used bookstore one evening, and presto: an idea whose time had come.

Sunday, Sunday

2008-09-09T11:37:00.001-04:00

Today marks the day I would have started a new pack of pills. Therefore, it also marks the beginning of contraceptive uncertainty! I'm pretty sure I've started to see the beginnings of some cervical fluid changes (from dry to creamy) and so we're now obligated to consider ourselves potentially fertile (and to be safe, abstinent) until a temperature shift and a return to an infertile fluid pattern confirms that ovulation is over.

So far, we're only about a week into practicing FAM, but we do feel like it's already brought us closer. Talking about what kinds of intimacy are or aren't a possibility forces us to really be on the same page about it, and there's a real camaraderie to waking up at 5am together to take my temperature. And, it's hard not to feel close to somebody when you're ducking into the bathroom so he can check your cervix...

Welcome!

2008-09-06T11:36:00.000-04:00

I'm starting this blog because when I first considered going off the pill and began to be interested in a more natural method of birth control, I wasn't able to find much in the way of personal testimony from people using the fertility awareness method (FAM) to prevent conception. I found plenty of information on the method, and some personal experience from couples using it to conceive, but very little in the way of first-person experience using it for birth control. I was interested to know what couples thought and experienced as they got the hang of the technical, as well as emotional, aspects of such an intimate subject. So I'm hoping to use this as a way to chronicle what we learn and how it goes!